260 End of the road for Barthez?

Barthez is the latest in a long line of keepers that Ferguson has lost faith in.

Sir Alex Ferguson's decision to start with Roy Carroll ahead of Fabien
Barthez for last weeekend's crucial Premiership game at Spurs, apparently because Barthez needed a rest (a rest? With just three crucial games to go?), seemed to be a clear statement that the Frenchman's reign as Old Trafford number one has reached its end. Fergie seems to have finally lost patience, Ronaldo's first goal for Real Madrid on Wednesday night being the straw that broke the camel's back.

Replacing Peter Schmeichel was always going to be a massive problem for
Manchester United. Before Barthez there was Mark Bosnich, as well as Raimond van der Gouw and the hapless Massimo Taibi, yet none of them could truly grasp the opportunity. Bosnich may feel he was hard done by but his injury problems and poor kicking held him back on the pitch, while his choice of lifestyle held him back off it.

The signing of Barthez seemed to solve the problem. A world cup winner, and with the presence to match, he enjoyed an excellent first season. All his eccentricities seemed to come off (as Gary Neville will testify - afer being skinned by Barthez in the Mestalla an embarrassed Kily Gonzalez took his revenge by ploughing straight into the back of the older Neville brother) and United romped to victory in the Premier League with weeks to spare.

The following season was a different story altogether. United struggled at the back, with the Barthez-Blanc-Brown combination at times resembling a slapstick comedy trio, notably in the horrific defeats at home to Deportivo La Coruna and away at Arsenal. Fergie kept faith in his goalkeeper however (compare this to his treatment of Taibi), and despite United finishing the season trophyless the only change was Ricardo replacing the departed van der Gouw.

This season has seen Barthez cut back on his eccentricities and produce a series of solid performances, notably against Liverpool where he produced a world class save to deny Dietmar Hamann a late equaliser. United have the best defensive record in the top flight this season and now look set to reclaim the Premiership trophy. So why ditch Barthez now?

Perhaps the answer is this: he is not Peter Schmeichel. He does not control the players in front of him to anywhwere near the extent that Schmeichel did. United have a very young back four and at the very top level (ie vs Real Madrid) they have been exposed. Would Peter Schmeichel have allowed the red wall to crumble in front of him? Fergie clearly thinks not.

Barthez is a fine goalkeeper but his achievements with France have been behind as good a back four as you will ever see. Thuram, Desailly, Blanc and Lizarazu could defend immaculately together in their sleep. Can the same really be said of Brown, Ferdinand, Silvestre and O'Shea?

So who does Fergie turn to next? Rustu is an excellent goalkeeper in the Schmeichel mould and will be available on a Bosman free whereas Paul Robinson is a fantastic prospect who may become the next casualty of the Leeds United financial meltdown. The removal of Barthez from the wage bill (he is one of the highest earners at Old Trafford) may free up more cash to spend, in which case the excellent Carlo Cudicini or Antti Niemi are both options. Youngster Petr Cech would represent a large gamble and there is always the possibility of promotion for Roy Carroll.

The speculation had already begun before the final whistle had even blown on Sunday's game and with Arsenal also looking for a new goalkeeper it seems as if the agents of those named above are set for a very busy summer.

259 Bargain hunt

Player sales loom this summer - but unemployment looms for some.

It wasn't so long ago that it seemed that just about any Premiership player coming to the end of his contract, would have had his pick from a myriad of offers from a whole host of clubs desperate to add another high wage earner to their payroll. Suddenly, all that has changed.

Although the very best players throughout Europe will continue to demand and receive mega salaries, the sheer glut of players who will be out of contract at the end of the present season will ensure that it will be the clubs who will be calling the shots in the vast majority of contract negotiations over the summer.

Come the end of the current season, there will be a number of Premiership players out of contract and facing an uncertain future. Even those like Lee Bowyer, Jody Morris and Keith Gillespie, who will have little problem finding new employers, will almost certainly have to accept far lower salaries than they are currently on (there can surely be few decent people who don't find the idea of the repugnant Bowyer being offered considerably less than he could have been on at either Leeds or Liverpool particularly cheering?). Whether the likes of Tahar El Khalej, Pegguy Arphexad, Scott Minto, David May and Des Lyttle will find it quite so easy to find new employment has to be doubted.

Not surprisingly, those players still under contract seem generally quite happy to stay put, rather than risk asking for a move that could well result in a far less lucrative pay packet. Is it just coincidence that there's been barely a peep out of the likes of Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and Nicolas Anelka in recent months? Is it loyalty, determination to win back a place in Claudio Ranieri's starting line-up or the fact that he has another 12-months left on his contract at £40,000 per week that keeps Winston Bogarde at Stamford Bridge?

As sure as night follows day, the majority of those Nationwide clubs with recent Premiership experience will have to offload their better, or better paid, players as and when they receive even vaguely acceptable offers. At the same time, those players at clubs with contracts about to end can be more or less certain that, even if they are offered new terms, they will invariably be at greatly reduced levels.

Now clubs at all levels are frantically cutting the size of their squads, desperately trying to develop their own players, bringing others in on loan deals or signing new players on drastically reduced contract lengths and with salaries geared to results.

To further emphasise the new financial reality, transfer fees for players from the Nationwide league have dropped to levels where they have now become competitive with those from abroad. Finally, after years of almost no movement, we could see a good number of deals made from Nationwide to Premiership clubs.

Once the play-offs are over, there is likely to be a sudden resurgence of interest from Premiership clubs in players from the Nationwide. Sheffield United's Michael Brown and Michael Tonge are both coveted by bigger clubs, as are Nottingham Forest's Michael Dawson and Gareth Williams. Neither club is likely to be in any position to refuse offers should they fail to gain promotion.

Ipswich, having already been forced to sell Darren Ambrose and Hermann Hreidarsson in recent weeks, could soon have offers on the table for the likes of Darren Bent. A player who would probably have been valued at around £3 million + a year or so ago, is now unlikely to fetch more than £1 million. Matt Holland, long-linked with a move to Charlton, is another who looks set for an imminent departure from Portman Road.

Elsewhere, there could be offers on the table for the likes of Crewe's Rob Hulse and Dean Ashton, Brighton's Bobby Zamora, Millwall's Steven Reid, Richard Sadlier and Tim Cahill, Wimbledon's David Connolly, Jobi McAnuff and Lionel Morgan, Cardiff's Robbie Earnshaw and Bristol City's Scott Murray among others.

The transfer market has now fallen to such levels, that any of the promoted clubs prepared to invest £10 million on new recruits over the summer, should be more than capable of not only securing their Premiership status, but of finishing in the relative comfort of a mid-table position.

So, all looks relatively good for those clubs in the Premiership. Unfortunately, little of this rosy-outlook appears likely to filter down the divisions, with the vast majority of those players who will find themselves out of contract at Nationwide clubs in the coming months destined for the job centre, rather than new clubs, given the current climate. Coventry City, still £20 - 25 million in debt, despite selling just about all their playing assets over the past two seasons, recently announced that six more players were to be released, while a further nine were to be given free transfers. They are unlikely to be the last to make such an announcement. With third division clubs required to limit players' wages to 60 per cent of turnover from next season, many clubs will probably have little choice but to offload similar numbers of staff.

258 NATIONWIDE: Last twist of the

Will relegation be the catalyst for better times for Sheffield Wednesday.

In 1998, the nation was shocked when one of England’s most well respected clubs, Manchester City, were relegated to Division Two. Ever since the day the Blues’ drop was confirmed, the idiom to ‘do a Man City’ was coined by the country’s media as the club slipped away into the footballing shadows. But events during this season’s final weeks have seen another such club fall from grace, a once proud establishment fallen on hard times after scaling the heights of English football at one time or another.

Sheffield Wednesday’s ignominious slide into Division Two has capped a miserable few years for the club. Their demotion from the Premiership in 2000 was seen by some as a simple setback for the club, and were named amongst the pre-season favourites to claw their way back to top-flight football. However, by the end of 46 inept league performances, Wednesday were lucky to have held on to their place in the league, let alone be promoted back at their first attempt. The next season they were just as woeful again in a campaign that included a 6-2 defeat by Man City and a 5-0 drubbing at Norwich, so little surprise that a massive struggle this season ended in relegation. With one game left to play, the Owls have won only nine out of 45 matches, and while the fans are now able to savour the thought of away trips to Wycombe Wanderers and Colchester United, the board must turn their attention to reducing their debts, which are now estimated at £22 million.

The main reason for Wednesday’s incredible decline appears to gross financial mismanagement by the board of directors. As clubs that are relegated from the Premiership receive an astronomical decline in television rights when beginning their first season in Division One, chairmen and their board either have to cut costs, break even and hope for a triumphant return to football’s promised land, or ride their luck and continue paying players top-flight standard wages whilst praying that the manager pulls promotion out of the bag. As the likes of Ipswich, Derby County and Nottingham Forest’s have discovered, failure to complete the former mission can spell disaster and a spell in administration often follows. However, Wednesday’s second relegation in three years could see them tumble down the financial abyss into complete obscurity.

However, with a bit of luck, the Owls might be able to stem their losses for now and while surviving on a frugal budget, win promotion back to the First Division. One thing in the club’s favour is that having been through so much turmoil, things surely cannot get any worse than they already have. They will be by far the biggest club in next season’s Second Division, and can expect much higher attendances than any other club in their league. They have a very loyal support that will follow them home and away, and due to their lofty ‘big club’ status, might be able to intimidate much smaller clubs into submission, though their mission will be far from easy and they must work hard to have any chance of getting back to football’s big time in the foreseeable future.

But if nothing else, at least the Wednesday manager Chris Turner - who joined mid-season from Hartlepool United – has been a supporter of the club since boyhood and has their best interests at heart. Amongst Turner’s best traits are boundless optimism, which he demonstrated by his stance against the sections of the media that once claimed that Wednesday were fighting a season-long losing battle against relegation. He recently told his players that it is his aim to bounce straight back from the Second Division and that he didn’t want them to lose another game before the end of the campaign, as if to prove their worth to him and attempt to leave the division on a high. Saturday’s 7-2 victory at Burnley was by no means an aberration, and Turner hopes that with hard work and planning, the South Yorkshire club might well be on the verge of happier days.

Recently, Turner said, “I have to look at the bigger picture and the way the club is going forward.” After such a turbulent era of bad decisions and poor management, what Wednesday need, and now have in their manager, is stability and a positive outlook. Though they stand to lose even more television money because of their relegation, the club staff and supporters alike must look back on their proud history and fight hard to raise funds to rebuild their broken club; the time has come to reverse the trend, because yet more failure could bring an end to the club for ever.

257 Rooney set for another accolad

h was'Posh Spice! Ms Spice willingly accepted the position as assistant manager of Manchester City FC and joined in training with the lads earlier this week. The chairman was delighted.

'Media interest'publicity'City shirts with 'POSH' written on the back...Brilliant job Harry!'

The players seemed please to see her which proved the appointment was a good one. On the day of her arrival the players formed a little welcoming committee, eagerly awaiting her arrival. Once she arrived the players couldn't do enough for her.

'Carry your bags Posh?'

'Would you like a brew Victoria?'

'Eh love, fancy a pint?'

I had to warn Nicky Weaver to stop pestering the poor girl at this point. There was an air of expectation when she entered the dressing room as she prepared to change into her tracksuit to join the lads for training.

To spare the poor girls blushes I ordered the players out for an early jog around the training ground, which didn't go down too well with the lads. Once on the training ground she delivered her first motivational team talk.

'Right guys, when you're, like, out there, on the pitch, like, you've just got to go for it. Go out there and just like, y'know, do it. Remember team power. We're, like, all together guys, going for it big style. Right guys?'

'Yes Posh'

Agreed the players in unison.

'It's like what I was saying to David at Harvey Nicks yesterday'he was
talking about how hard it is to like fink, and do running, and kick a
football all at the same time, y'know? So he was like saying how can he do it all, and I told him David! You don't worry about anything like that ' I do all the thinking. And it's the same with you guys. Let me do the thinking alright? Team power! Just go for it!'

'Yes Posh'

'Anyway, Harry, I must ask you about the team strip. Light blue is soooooo eighties. I can't believe anybody still wears light blue. Harry, I've like, got some friends at Versace, I'm sure they could piece together a nice black outfit for us to wear at the weekend. And don't forget boys, I've booked you in for a team session at my personal beauticians to ensure the hair and nails are fit for the weekend. It'll, like, improve performance. Team power!'

I must make sure Posh doesn't take over as she seems to be already making inroads on my job. But the players seem to be responding to her and doing anything she asks of them, and they all seem to be wandering around muttering 'team power', so maybe she's getting through to them. Here's to a bumper victory against West Ham.

Remember you can contact me on my e-mail address, [email protected] and if you want to leave messages for Posh I'll gladly pass them on. I received a message from an individual this week by the name of Mr. See Weed.

Apparently he got my e-mail address off a John Lennon website. Why my address should be on such a website I don't know, unless it was to do with the 'Flatcap bigger than Lennon' furore I had to deal with earlier in the season (please see previous articles). Anyway this hippie has asked me to sign a petition asking me to support his campaign to make cannabis hemp legal. Obviously as a grizzled old football manager tasked with looking after the bodies of young athletes I can't possibly be seen to promote the indulgence of any stimulant unless it is Isotonic Lucozade. And the odd pint of three to refuel and relax is OK in my book as well. So sorry Mr. Weed, keep your kafkan, your bongos, and joss sticks and find other stoners to hassle in your groovy world. OK?

Have a good week.

Regards

HarryRooney's popularity should give him PFA young player accolade.

This years nominations for the PFA young player of the year show that the future for British and Irish football looks bright. Except for Scotland. And Northern Ireland. But which of the six young stars will be selected as the brightest by their fellow players?

Last year's winner Craig Bellamy has again showed that his pace, flair and eye for goal make him the prefect foil for Alan Shearer. It is no great surprise to hear of interest from Manchester United, amongst others, but Sir Bobby is no fool and knows that Bellamy's endless running is the key to his vibrant young side's success. However, this season has again seen Bellamy's temperament let him down. He faces another ban for using abusive language to a referee, just as Newcastle's season reaches its climax and sadly, his first season of Champions League football will be remembered not for his remarkable last minute winner against Feyenoord but for his pair of three match bans for punching and headbutting.

His Newcastle teammate Jermaine Jenas has enjoyed a wonderful first full season in the top flight, culminating in his England debut in the farce against Australia, where he was one of the few players to emerge with any credit. His boundless energy and, later in the season, his vital goals have been key factors in Newcastle's title challenge. Sven Goran Eriksson has already earmarked him as key England player of the future.

At the other end of the Premiership table, Jermain Defoe has found himself as one of few bright sparks in a desperately disappointing season for West Ham. His main strike partners, Di Canio and Kanoute, have both missed large chunks of the season through injury and yet Defoe has soldiered on, scoring goals and leading the line manfully despite limited service. He will consider himself unlucky not to have been called up into the England squad ahead of the inconsistent Francis Jeffers. A move to a bigger club seems inevitable if West Ham are relegated and even if they survive one of his many admirers may well make an offer they cannot refuse.

One who did make the England squad was Scott Parker, who can consider it just reward for a fantastic season at the heart of a Charlton Athletic side that has again confounded their critics with a comfortable mid-table position. Parker's range of passing and ability to get forward have come on leaps and bounds this season and have caught the eye of Sven Goran Eriksson. Despite playing for an 'unfashionable' club Parker looks set to make the permanent step up from U21 to full England international.

Manchester United's early season injury problems gave John O'Shea his opportunity and he has rarely been out of the side since. Playing anywhere across the back four his pace, quick feet and reading of the game have seen him force his way into the full Republic of Ireland side. His ability going forward has also caught the eye against numerous sides, noticeably in his performance at left back in Manchester United's recent 6-2 win over Newcastle.

The bookmakers' favourite for the award, however, is Wayne Rooney, probably the most hyped teenager in European football. His first season as a professional contains more incident than many players will manage in a whole career. He has forced his way into the England starting lineup (being man of the match on his full debut v Turkey), become the youngest Premiership scorer, scored stunning goals against Arsenal (twice), Leeds and Blackburn and been sent off. All the while completing ninety minutes on barely a handful of occasions.

So who will claim the award? Based on consistent performances week in, week out it should probably go to John O'Shea but nothing captures the attention of the football world like a goalscorer and Wayne Rooney is clearly a very special goalscorer. And have you ever seen a poor bookmaker?

256 Harry Flatcap oversees a colla

Late goals undermine Harry's new job at Manchester City - or do they?

Good afternoon and welcome to another instalment in the exciting world of Harry Flatcap and Manchester City.

It certainly hasn't been a vintage week for results if you are a City fan: On good Friday we turned in a half-good performance, roaring into an early 2 goal lead, only for City to do a 'typical City' and lose 3-2.

'Wonderful stuff! Well done!'

Said the chairman after the game rather bafflingly. The game was featured on Sky Televisions pay per view channel, and I believe subscription records were shattered for the game as a grand total of 7 people signed up for the game. The chairman was philosophical after receiving the viewing figures. 'You see Harry, we'd got boring under Keegan.

Performances like that, tottering on the edge of the relegation zone, we'll soon double those viewing figures.'

The chairmans frame of mind seemed even brighter after our next performance. Racing into a 3 goal lead against awful Sunderland, we transpired to concede 4 sloppy goals in the last 2 minutes to lose 4-3. The fans didn't replicate the chairmans bonhomie however. I thought they were going to demolish Maine Road prematurely as the Sunderland winner hit the back of the net. The old City anthem 'What the f**k is going on?' rang loudly round the ground and the familiar-to-me howl of 'Flatcap Out!' boomed from outside the ground as the fans took up their familiar demo spot outside the Main Stand.

'This is what we want Flatcap'bit of excitement for the end of the
season'magic that is son! Now, what's all this I hear about you wanting to buy David 'Calamity' James to replace Schmeichel at the end of this season. Sounds interesting to me, just the sort of player we want here. We'll make a bid when the transfer window opens if you like. In fact, if I may be so bold, I've written down a list of players I think would be good signings for us next season. If you are interested in any of the players I'll make a move straight away.'

I read the list.

Goalkeepers: Massimo Taibi, Peter Enkelman, Jerzy Dudek.
Defenders: Pascal Cygan, Jamie Carragher, Frank Le Boeuf, Laurent Blanc.
Midfield: Ivan Campo, Vladimir Smicer, Paul Okon, Nick Barmby. Strikers: Pierre van Hoijdonk, Jason Lee, El Hadj Doeuf, Paulo
Di Canio, Ade Akinbiyi.

'What do you think Harry, eh lad? With those players just think what we could do, eh?'

I politely thanked the chairman and told him I'd get back to him.

To make my job a little harder this week I also had to face the severe media attention when it was discovered by the Daily Telegraph I had received payments from the previous Iraqi administration. I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about as I was vilified as some sort of puppet or apologist to Saddam Hussain. Hopefully I can clear up the issue within my column here. For a small spell, I was employed by Saddam's son, Uday, as head coach to the Iraqi football team. I must say it was a role I reveled in.

I was greatly impressed by Udays handling of the players, and the punishment and torture bandied about by him in the event of the team under-performing. I have firmly believed for years that this is the only language over-paid prima-donna footballers respect, and clearly Alex Ferguson agrees with this as does the Queen, who knighted him for it! Unfortunately, the Iraqi team embarked on a rather uncomfortable series of results and I found it hard to cope with the increasing demands administering the punishment required.

Uday intervened at one point and pointed out that severing of players limbs was having a detrimental effect on results and perhaps I needed a break from my duties as he found my demeanour 'too right wing, too brutal'. He agreed to pay me a salary if I agreed to return to the West and continue my convalescence. Once he felt it was the right moment for me to return he would call me. That was over 10 years ago, and I guess the opportunity has probably passed me by now. However I would love to be involved on the international scene again, so watch out Sven ' A couple more dodgy results and I'm after your job mate!

Our game this weekend is against West Ham, and it's become a bit of a relegation battle as we still need a couple of points to guarantee premiership survival. At this point I'm sure we should all offer our best wishes to Glenn Roeder and hope he gets well soon. Like every other manager in the Premiership, I've sent him a message of support and have been impressed with the dignity he has shown during this difficult season for him.

Unfortunately, prior to this weeks match, I have decided to dispense with my no.2, roly-poly funnyman Peter Kay. I'm not sure that his relaxed approach is exactly what we need here at this present time. Asked what he thought about Citys defeat against Sunderland he replied.

'Sod that. How did Bolton get on. I need to find out. Fancy a brew? Cup of tea?'

So I decided that I needed somebody who was well known, the players would respect, and who may be able to give us a lift in the vital last 3 matches of the season. So I called Fergie to see if David Beckham would move across Manchester as my right-hand man. I won't repeat the conversation as Fergie used some very choice words at a considerable decibel level. I still have ringing ears from the encounter, as Fergie made it perfectly clear that David was not available to become my assistant. And to think he has already pinched my assistant manager this season! (see earlier HF articles)

Therefore I had to decide who would have the same impact and has a similar popularity level as Becks. And the name I came up wit

255 Tough at the bottom

Brentford fans can look forward to the future.

The last week has signalled celebrations at several different football clubs as they achieved promotion to a higher division. Leicester and Portsmouth can look forward to the promised land of the Premiership, Wigan were crowned champions of Division Two, Rushden and Hartlepool will be able to take on the challenge of making the adjustment from the Third to the Second Division in the new campaign. Even Wolves, Sheffield United and one or two others can view the future with optimism as they confirmed they will be two of the four in Division One’s play-off places. But supporters of Brentford were rejoicing for a very different reason with their 2-0 win at Chesterfield on Bank Holiday Monday.

Last season saw excellent results, sublime football and inspired leadership that eventually ended in disappointment for the Bees as they missed out on automatic promotion when Jamie Cureton equalised for Reading late on in the final game of a wonderful campaign. Even a brave effort in the play-offs signalled failure at the final in Cardiff, and with the financial death knell sounding over the Griffin Park club, it appeared that the monetary consequences of missing out on Division One football could mean the end of League football in the London Borough of Hounslow.

The upshot of Brentford’s deficiencies was that the backbone of the first team left to play higher division football – most on free transfers and the rest for derisory sums. The continual threat of administration - due to a gargantuan overdraft collected after years of over-spending and Griffin Park being unable to attract the necessary finance to support a professional football club – hung over like a black raincloud for much of the close season, and supporters became increasingly despondent for Brentford’s future.

But plans for a new stadium not far from their current home were made public by Brentford’s supporters’ trust Bees United soon after the season started, and new manager Wally Downes, along with chief scout John Griffin, managed to bring cohesion to the broken squad and strengthen it with a combination of free transfers and loanees to prove that Brentford would not, and could not, give up and die.

Brentford’s first game of the season resulted in a 2-0 win at Huddersfield, a stunning achievement that gave hope to fans that their club was back on track. Several good performances later and the Bees were sitting proudly at the top of Division Two, and talk quickly turned to the possibility of promotion, with much of the despondency that had dogged the club dissipating.

While this excellent form ultimately proved to be a false dawn, Brentford can look back on season 2002/03 with pride, simply because they have lived to tell the tale. After getting through a long, hard summer, ‘Wally’s Babes’ managed to play stylish, attacking football, and look to be a group of youngsters that will blossom with correct guidance and perseverance. The team reached the fourth round of the FA Cup - beating First Division Derby County along the way - and made the regional semi-final of the LDV Vans trophy. Attendances have remained high, and with the resignation of loathed chairman Ron Noades, Bees United have been able to step-up their bid to eventually buy the club from Noades’s consultancy firm, Altonwood.

While the club’s problems are far from over, supporters can take heart from the fact that with the co-operation of Hounslow Council and local firms, they could one day have a bright, shiny new stadium that would not only be a new home for the football club but a community facility for west London. And if the team can make progress on the pitch while Bees United begin to solve the club’s off-field complications, Brentford FC must surely have a bright future. They are, after all, in good hands.

254 Weekend betting

Selections for this weekend – April 26/27

The end of the football season offers both good and bad news for the punter. On the plus side, there is bags of form to go on and you know who needs what. The bad news is, you don’t know how professional some sides are going to be. Look at Pompey losing 2-1 at home to Sheffield Wednesday last week. It is likely that a few of the players had already been on the champers but the punter wasn’t really to know that.

One of my main maxims when betting is that you must always bet on something that is important to those involved. I remember going to see my team, Middlesbrough, at West Ham a few years ago on the last day of the season. We were rolled over 4-0 and the attitude of the players was an absolute disgrace. Most just weren’t bothered. After all, we were safe and with nothing to play for, far away in London so why not take it easy?

My three selections this week all have something to play for. Unfortunately, in each case, so do their opponents!

Arsenal to beat Bolton (away) 4/6 with totalbet.com

I was at the Riverside last week and Arsenal were not very impressive in the first 45 minutes. But Doriva made one mistake and the game was basically over from that point. Newcastle, Manchester United and Chelsea have all lost at Middlesbrough this season but once they went ahead, Arsenal had it in the bag. The unfortunate thing here is that Bolton also have something to play for. Jay Jay Okocha is an absolute diamond and won the game against the Hammers last week with a contender for goal of the season. But Arsenal have more than one class player.

Everton to beat Aston Villa (home) 5/6 with totalbet.com

This selection may surprise a few of you. I don’t know if you saw Chelsea dispatch Everton on Bank Holiday Monday but Moyes’ Boys were pretty dreadful. And before that they were beaten at home by their nemesis. Whereas Villa beat Chelsea and then got a point at St James’s. Villa are obviously in good form of late and are approaching their end of season very professionally. But Villa have a poor travelling record generally. David Moyes can see all his hard work coming to nought and I feel that he can rally his troops for one last hurrah here.

Manchester United to beat Spurs (away) 4/6 with totalbet.com

OK, so Robbie Keane is back and bagged a brace to beat the Baggies. And Manchester United will be tired after their near-heorics of Wednesday evening. My reasoning for the Bolton-Arsenal tie applies here too…class should tell. And I seem to remember that United have a good record at White Hart Lane. Even when they go 3-0 down…

It’s fortunate that all the best prices are available with the same firm. Victor Chandler goes as short at 11/20 on both Arsenal and Manchester United. A treble on the three pays around 4/1 which looks a lot better. Even a double pays around 2/1. Good luck!

253 Dreamcatchers

Football League proposes punitive measures for clubs who can’t balance the books

Football League chairmen today proposed that clubs who financially over-extend themselves should face punishment which could extend as far as relegation. The Football League’s insolvency working party which includes Chairman Brian Mawhinney, Millwall’s Theo Paphitis and Wycombe’s Ivor Beeks, propose that clubs who enter administration will be punished by an immediate reduction of between six and twelve points and, if necessary, end of season relegation.

To the layman, this may be seen as kicking a club when it is down. But many fans do not realise that clubs who enter administration often do so because it is favourable to them. It has been suggested that when Leicester City took this measure, 90% of their outstanding debt to the Inland Revenue was wiped out as a result. Birse, who built the Walkers Stadium, are reported to have lost several millions of pounds due to Leicester City going into administration and setting up as a new business. It could be argued that as a result of applying for administration, Leicester gained an advantage over their similarly desperate rivals. Perhaps the threat of further relegation could persuade clubs to manage their finances more realistically rather than relying on sympathetic fans, like those of York, Barnsley and several others this season to dig into their already depleted pockets.

The Football League must ensure that these proposals are not just grand gestures but are, if implemented, are justly carried out, no matter what the club. Fans in England must have looked at Fiorentina’s demotion from Serie A to C2 and thought that it wouldn’t happen here. Some will have thought that it wouldn’t happen because clubs wouldn’t be so silly. Leeds plc are the most high-profile club to erase that notion. The more prescient and considered fan probably thought that it wouldn’t happen here because such a big club would be forgiven. The latter is still a thought that many people will hold.

Prevention as well as punishment was also considered at the meeting. Third Division clubs are to be instructed to implement wage caps against a percentage of turnover as from next season. This measure will be extended to First and Second Division clubs as from the 2004/5 campaign. This is indeed a sensible option as it is usually extortionate wage bills which lead to clubs being in financial straits. Former Bradford chairman Geoffrey Richmond candidly admitted that he was swept away on a tide of optimism when agreeing to pay Benito Carbone an outrageous weekly sum of £40,000 which turned out to be the equivalent of handcuffing your mother to the stove whilst someone raided the pantry.

But will this wage capping not merely widen the divide between the rich and poor clubs further? Clubs with small turnovers will no longer be permitted to gamble on that one player who might be the difference between divisions…unless they ship out many other players that is. But maybe tough love is what is required here.

The financing of football is now the most important issue in the sport and the mismanagement of clubs is merely one aspect. It is a problematic issue but one which needs addressing. Yet it seems a shame that general proceedings are underway with a focus on the have nots rather than the haves. But the Football League don’t have any control over the Premiership, do they?

252 Mohammed Al Fayed has a lot to

When Jean Tigana took over as Fulham manager it semed as if all Mohammed Al Fayed's (non-passport related) dreams were set to come true. The team stormed the first division, runaway leaders from the start, and by the end of the campaign Louis Saha was taking penalties with his weaker foot because, frankly, he could. Fulham were immediately installed as sixth favorites for the following season's Premiership title and seemed all set to become the 'Manchester United of the south'.

So now, almost two seasons later with Tigana gone and the team just above the relegation zone the question has to be asked: where did it all go wrong?

A lot of the blame must rest on the shoulders of Mohammed Al Fayed. While he clearly wanted his club to achieve great things his comments about emulating Mancheter United were unrealistic, adding to the pressure on Jean Tigana.

Football has changed a lot since Blackburn bought their way to the title in 1995 and yet Al Fayed clearly expected similar results for his cash.

Tigana's signings have been mixed - Malbranque, Legwinski and van der Sar have been excellent whereas Marlet has never looked like justifying his price tag - and Fulham have been solid and unspectacular, if lacking in goals. Two seasons of (relative) safety and a first ever trip in Europe would represent a good return for most newly promoted sides but have clearly not satisfied Al Fayed.

The appointment of Franco Baresi as drector of football was a bizarre one, apparently designed to attract big name players to the club, but basically represented a chairman trying to interfere with the playing side of the club. Baresi, to his credit, soon appreciated the impossible position he had put himself into and resigned.

The announcement earlier this season that Tigana's contract would not be renewed was also a mistake. A manager who knows his time is ending rarely inspires his players - look at Eriksson's Lazio or Manchester United last season until Ferguson changed his mind. As a result Fulham have drifted
along, flirting with relegation, until the inevitable early ending of Tigana's reign. Now Chris Coleman finds himself in charge, apparently just because he's a really nice bloke, rather than having any coaching experience.

Fulham now find themselves at a crossroads. With the doubt over the club's future home and the financial downturn in football, Al Fayed has made it clear he will not be making any more of his cash available for signings. Several of the players are also considering their futures, post-Tigana.

After the meteoric rise from the third division to the Premiership things seem to have stalled for Fulham. The question is whether Mohammed Al Fayed can get them moving again before it is too late.

251 Fantasy football

Manchester United and Real Madrid play out the tie of the round which eventually went Madrid’s way 6-5 on aggregate. Some of the attacking play was more reminiscent of a basketball game with goals being scored seemingly at will. Madrid led 1-0, 2-1 and 3-2 before Manchester United went on to win the game 4-3 with two David Beckham goals.

Perhaps Alex Ferguson showed his future plans by dropping David Beckham, something he has done several times recently. If Beckham is agitating for a move to the Spanish capital he can have done his chances no harm by getting his two goals after only being allowed 30 minutes to show his ability.

Ronaldo was sublime showing why he can be a great striker, even if his work rate is questionable and would make him a gamble if an English side ever bought him. The standing ovation he received – from all sides of the ground – when he was substituted was proper reward for his tie winning, if not match winning, performance.

For United defensive lapses cost them dear. United had 51% of possession in the first leg and probably edged possession again tonight. Also United had many more shots on target that Madrid – but some excellent goalkeeping and last ditch blocks kept United out. At the other end however it seemed that all Real had to do was to create a shooting opportunity and a goal would result.

Ferdinand and Barthez were lousy for the first goal – and the first goal was always going to be important. Silvestre looked half-fit and Brown was jittery and regularly giving away possession. Only John O’Shea played well at the back, played at both full-back positions and was as good as a winger for much of the second half. This is a player who was apparently a fitness doubt but played with the freedom of a pre-season friendly. He must have a good shout for young player of the year and is a sensational bonus for Ferguson.

Its difficult to say who was the better side tonight given the desperation that imbued Manchester Uniteds attempts to get back into the game. But the thrilling battling qualities that they showed made this is a great game. The fallout from the game could be two-fold.

Firstly what knocks and niggles will Manchester United carry on to the remaining three games of the Premiership season. Will Uniteds gung-ho attitude even when the tie was probably dead cost them their one remaining chance of a trophy?

Secondly whether David Beckham has now played his last Manchester United game may be the big talking point of the next week. He is a good player but he usually saves his better performances for England or like tonight when he feels he has something to prove. His lingering on the pitch at the end until just about everyone else had left had the look of a man who was taking one last look.

United can rue their desperate defence but the end result is a thrilling Real Madrid team march on to the semi-final against a Juventus side weakened by suspensions to key players. Whether the best that Serie A can offer can stop them is debatable, Real will surely return to Manchester in May for the final.

250 Madrid should ease through.

eltic, as they lost 2-1 to Hearts at Tynecastle. They remain eight points behind Rangers, have only one game in hand - at Motherwell in May – and even if they were to win this tussle and defeat Rangers at Ibrox on Sunday, they will still have to rely on the Gers to slip-up to have any chance of winning a third title in a row.

Still, though it might well hurt Martin O’Neill to see the club he loves the most lose everything – they are the underdogs going into their UEFA Cup semi-final second leg tie with Boavista and recently lost in the Scottish Cup to First Division Inverness Caledonian Thistle – solace may well come in the form of a move become manager of Liverpool.

Months ago, reports suggested that O’Neill had bought a house on Merseyside, and with the burning desire necessary to manage at top Premiership club seeming to have left Grard Houllier due to his acute health problems, it may only be a matter of time before the quirky Belfastian sheds a tear for his team, quickly remembers he has ambitions and ties his future to the Reds.
The bluff and bluster, transfer speculation and schoolboy psychology are nearly over because the two richest clubs in the world can actually play each other at football again. Both sides can still progress but the bookmakers probably have the right idea in suggesting than Madrid are 80% likely to progress. We look at how Manchester United can succeed – and why Madrid are unlikely to let them.

The player news is uniformly bad for Manchester United. At the end of a long season that started with the World Cup and was quickly followed by a round of Champions League qualification injuries and suspensions are taking their toll. Paul Scholes is on top of his game and suspended. As a replacement Juan Veron is desperate to recover from injury but even if he makes it his lack of match fitness will stop him making 90 minutes. John O’Shea has been wowing many neutrals with his forceful uncomplicated approach from full-back but is another doubt which is unfortunate given the suspension of the experienced Gary Neville.

For Madrid there are no suspensions of note, but the late withdrawal of Raul to appendicitis is a blow. His instinct and humility leave him as a class apart amongst world strikers.

Real Madrid’s form is la Liga should not be taken too seriously. When Zidane is rested as he has been in the past month or when the opposition play a high risk pressing game Madrid can come unstuck. But they seem to be trying to balance resting players, keeping squad players happy and easing to the title and European Cup all at the same time. Admittedly there have been miscalculations domestically – but that should not happen tonight.

Madrid tonight will play their normal game because they can’t rely overmuch on their defence and so will pass and move and attempt to get the away goal that could kill the tie. If Real score first they could go on to score a couple more and significantly skew the result.

For Manchester United patience – for the players and fans – is key. An early goal may be good news if it sets the tempo, but if it goads Madrid to attack it could be counter-productive. Manchester United need to press on the wings because Roberto Carlos is pivotal to many of Madrids movements. At the same time keeping the centre of midfield tight to avoid giving Zidane or Figo time on the ball to push on or find the killer pass. So United need to press and stay defensively solid – possibly an impossible conundrum.

The portents for Manchester United and Real Madrid are mixed. Will Madrid miss Raul more than United miss Scholes? Can United stop Madrid scoring? Will Madrid bring their league form or the European Cup history with them? Which United will turn up; the ‘rabbits-in-the-headlights’ of a fortnight ago or the thrusting side that destroyed Newcastle just 4 days later?

In the end United are caught in the classic trap. They need to score but are vulnerable against a counter-attacking team. If they sit back the crowd will get restless and Madrid’s early nerves may go unpunished. United may well win the game, but Madrid are unlikely to lose the tie. The bookies are right, Madrid will progress 4 times in 5 from this position and no amount of amateur psychology can change that.

249 Is O'Neill Liverpool bound?

e best!

Harry
It is entirely understandable when an Englishman criticises the Scottish Premier League for being ‘predictable’ and ‘boring’. In years gone by, my secret weapon against such claims was to counter that the FA Premiership was only ever a one-horse race (when Manchester United were undoubtedly the best side in the country), and although this year has seen more resolute challenges from the also-rans (Newcastle, Chelsea) to Arsenal and Man Utd, at least the race for this season’s SPL title has had more panache than it usually carries.

Hang on a second…that must be the understatement of the year! While in bygone campaigns one of the Old Firm clubs has tended to take a backseat while the other collects all the necessary accolades and assorted trophies, 2002/03 has been an entirely different ball game. Rangers’ early exit from Europe has allowed them to concentrate on domestic matters, and Celtic have maintained a keen interest in retaining the league title they have won in each of the last two years while embarking on a daring run in the UEFA Cup.

However, while Rangers and Celtic have kept their supporters on the edges of their seats since early August, the epic struggle for supremacy seems to have come to a conclusion ever so suddenly. Many a football enthusiast could attempt to decipher why this has happened, although the reasons are actually very elementary.

For three years now, Martin O’Neill has had rather a large slice of success as Celtic manager, considering his team is essentially a more advanced model of his Leicester City side of the 1990s, plus the scoring aptitude of Henrik Larsson. They play incredibly predictive but effective football that manages to put most Scottish clubs to the sword and has taken many of their European opponents by surprise. However, the agitated physical nature of Dianbobo Bald (which has landed him in hot water with the SFA on more than one occasion) and Neil Lennon, the pace of Didier Agathe and the high balls up the field to a battering ram such as John Hartson to knock on for Larsson doesn’t seem to have worked so well this time around, now that O’Neill has some appropriate competition.

Upon O’Neill’s arrival in Glasgow’s East End, Celtic were in a nadir after the pitiful failures of John Barnes, Kenny Dalglish and Dr Jozef Venglos, and Rangers were on a high after winning five out of six domestic trophies in two years. Although Rangers were clear favourites to win the SPL for a third year running, supporters rapidly became aware that there was disquiet behind the scenes at Ibrox after an alarming grapple in Europe against Lithuanian opposition and reports of a major division between Rangers’ vast contingent of Dutch stars and the rest of the playing staff. O’Neill seemed to sense that something was awry, and threw down the challenge for domestic supremacy to Rangers’ boss Dick Advocaat. Rangers collapsed pathetically, and have since been inadequate opposition - until now.

Alex McLeish became Rangers’ new manager in November 2001 and immediately took up the challenge of restoring the club to its former place at the helm of Scottish football. He began by snatching both the League and Scottish Cups from under the nose of Celtic but with the Hoops having an unassailable lead at the top of the SPL, was unable to bring Rangers the title.

However, when starting this season on a level playing surface, McLeish threw down the gauntlet to Celtic and continued his crusade to bring Rangers prizes through binding together his talented squad and instilling in them the belief that they could conquer their rivals unequivocally.

With Rangers and Celtic fighting neck-and-neck the top of the SPL, it appeared that their epic battle would go down until the last game of the season, and the authorities might even have to resort to using goal difference to separate the sides. But Celtic’s performances in two of their last three games – a draw at Dundee and defeat by Hearts at Tynecastle – have been unlike them and have meant that the championship is now Rangers’ for the taking.

Reasons as to why Celtic have stuttered so badly in these fixtures might be extensive. Their UEFA Cup run could have taken its toll on the squad’s fitness; or maybe Dundee and Hearts simply managed to overcome Celtic’s gameplan to prevent them from winning.

However, a more satisfactory explanation lies with the actions and ambitions of their manager. While O’Neill is Celtic through-and-through and has achieved a great deal there with very limited tactics, there is no disguising that he has been linked with high profile jobs at other clubs, and has the ambition necessary to work at football’s highest level. This is evident in the terms of the contract extension that he recently signed at Celtic – while he has committed himself to the club, the agreement stipulates that he effectively has his own 365-day transfer window, meaning that he could walk away from Celtic Park the moment that he is offered a job at another club. And while the terms state that such a club must pay Celtic one year of O’Neill’s salary as compensation, a big fish is unlikely to let such minor technicalities prevent his appointment.

It appears that Celtic’s players have been aware of O’Neill’s intentions to leave Glasgow in the summer ever since the intense media speculation that surrounded his refusal to sign a new contract. O’Neill, viewed as a Saint amongst much of the Celtic faithful, has done his best to keep his squad winning games even though he has intentions of seeking pastures new. But despite his best intentions, it appears that events may well be turning incredibly sour for O’Neill, right at the eleventh hour.

Rangers’ incredible season – blighted only by an early exit from Europe – continued as they reached the Scottish Cup Final on Saturday, beating Motherwell 4-3, despite being far from their best for large parts of the game. However, matters were very different and far from ideal for C

248 Harry Flatcap tries to make Ma

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to the latest Harry update. My first game back in charge of City yielded an undescribingly boring 0-0 scoreline against Middlesbrough, and there were many aspects of the day that disappointed me.

Firstly I had to endure the kind of crowd abuse that I usually only receive around half a dozen games into tenure of a football club. The City fans seem to believe sacking Keegan and replacing him with me is some sort of step in the wrong direction. But why? I’m renowned for building sides that defend well and don’t concede many with my unique patented 9-0-1 formation with the emphasis on getting the ball to the big man up front quickly. Keegans sides always concede too many goals because, as it has been regularly pointed out, he is nave and doesn’t know how to get his teams to defend. He wears his heart on his sleeve it is also regularly pointed out, which I don’t think is a good thing when managing a team. You need to keep
cool, focus, and know when to blow a gasket. I understand these aspects, because my heart is firmly where it should be, in my head.

My chairman was very good to me about the demonstrating fans though. He told me in his thick Bernard Manning accent

“Don’t worry son. They love a good demo down ‘ere. Nothin’ better for the fans than to gather outside the Main Stand and shout for someone’s ‘ead. In fact, that was the only question I was asked
by the fans when we announced we were movin’ to the new stadium. They said: ‘John, will there be decent access for us to demonstrate outside the new stadium’ I said of course there will be lads. Don’t worry about it”.

The fans reaction aside, I was also disappointed by the game. A turgid end of season 0-0 draw with an insipid team that threatened nothing and failed to display any semblance of footballing ability such as controlling a ball or passing to a team mate. I’m afraid City weren’t much better either. I gave young Joey Barton his home league debut as I’d spotted in training he looks like Stephen Gerrard and I wasn’t dissatisfied as he gave the sort of display I admire from my players: He ran around a lot and tackled anything that moved.

He’ll go far. However, whilst the Chairman was soothing about the pro-Keegan flak I received, he was less than complimentary about the
game and the performance.

“0-0? What bloody good is that? Typical mid-table wishy-washy result. Just not good enough Harry. Results must improve, or, er, deteriorate, or we’ll end up in mid-table and nobody wants that.”

At the end of the game, as I was screaming abuse at the players in my
inimitable motivational style, I was rudely interrupted by a voice louder than mine. I was taken aback as nobody has ever out-ranted me in the dressing room before.

“BOSS!”

went the scream, loud, booming, cutting the dressing room stone dead
and imploring us all to turn around and see who was delivering such a verbal onslaught.

“BOSS!”

it was there again, and this time I recognised through the bright
purple face and bulging eyes that the deliverer of this decibel-shafting onslaught was legendary goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel.

“Er yes, Bludeolph?”

as he’s quaintly know by in the dressing room around Maine Road.

“BOSS!”

there was no reduction in his volume, and more worryingly he’d mover
closer to me.

“I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!”

Fearing the worst, I tentatively responded.

“Er, yes Peter…?”

“I’M ANNOUNCING MY RETIREMENT. I’VE DECIDED TO RETIRE AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!”

“Right Peter. Er, would you mind telling me a little quieter perhaps, eh Peter?”

“THAT’S WHY I’M RETIRING. I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING! I PERMANENTLY TALK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME NOW. I THINK IT’S YEARS OF HAVING A GO AT PALLY AND BRUCEY. AND IF I PLAY BEHIND THIS DEFENCE MUCH LONGER I’M BOUND TO LOSE THE FUNCTIONING OF MY VOICE BOX. SO I’M OFF AT THE END OF THIS SEASON.”

“Oh, right. Why don’t you go out into the media room and explain this to the press now Peter?”

“OK. I’M GOING RIGHT NOW BOSS!”

Quite frankly I was glad to get him out of there as he was giving me a headache.

By the time this article has appeared on the squarefootball website we will have visited Spurs away and hopefully picked up our first victory under my regime. I approach the game with another assistant manager as unfortunately my last right hand man, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, appears to have gone missing, so I served him his notice. I felt things were a little tense around the place so I decided we needed an assistant manager who could lighten the mood around the place.

So earlier this week I unveiled my new second in command, roly-poly funnyman Peter Kay. Immediately I new I’d made a good appointment as he made his first team talk to the players and lightened the load.

“Alright lads? Look at me eh? Who’d have thought it eh? Me, working at Citi?!! Still, need the money I do, mum wants a bungalow. Bit dark in these dressing rooms – Can someone turn big light on? Cheers Sylvan lad, you’ll do for me son. Don’t forget pre-season tours been arranged, we’re all off t’Egypt y’know? We’ve booked, it, packed it, and f**k off in June. Ali lad, forget those football boots, y’need something that’ll speed yer up a bit. Try these slippers, these’ll make you go faster, guaranteed. Eyal, you’ve got 20 layers on there. That’s no good! Take yer tracksuit off, yer
won’t feel benefit when we go outside. Only a short session today lads as it’s rainin’ outside, and it’s that fine rain, that soaks you through. Right lads, let’s go and do a bit, as some journalist from City website wants to interview me for a story to go on t’internet soon so we’ll do a short session eh?”

So hopefully the new managerial duo of Flatcap/Kay can be the dream ticket for Premiership glory for City. If you’d like to send messages to the new managerial duo you can do on [email protected] .

All th

247 The vultures circle West Ham a

Following today’s calamitous results for the pair, the odds are stacked against West Ham evading relegation – whilst Sunderland’s fate was sealed last week. Now before the fans can recover the stories have started circulating as to the extent of the player cull at the end of the season. West Brom have plotted a different course and as a result can afford to maintain much of their current squad even following relegation.

Both Sunderland and West Ham are both reportedly between £20m and £30m in debt, and the estimated cost of relegation can be conservatively estimated at £15m. This unfortunately means that both will have to follow Leicester, Ipswich and Derby and sell more than half their first team squad to stay afloat.

There have been reports this week that Sunderland have already told Emerson Thome, Phil Babb and Thomas Myhre that they can go for nothing. After that its clear that Kevin Phillips and Thomas Sorensen are unlikely to want to step down a division. Add to this Claudio Reyna who after fulfilling an ambition of playing in the Premiership is unlikely at this stage of his career to want to leave it. As to the rest Tore Andre Flo, Matt Piper and Julio Arca are unlikely to feel enough loyalty to the new manager to want to stay for a promotion push. All told selling these players will fetch the £15m revenue shortfall that relegation will cause, and removing nine players from the wage bill will make the team more streamlined for the future.

Others like Kevin Kilbane and Jason McAteer – who have both played for Ireland under McCarthy – have little resale value and are likely to form the basis of a new Sunderland team. Mart Poom’s promotion to the first team suggests that he may have a future and prospects like Stephen Wright and Jody Craddock could form the basis of a new defence. Marcus Stewart is likely to feature in attack.

West Ham fans also have cause for concern. This is the most stylish and attack minded team that has been fashioned at Upton Park for years. But the team will be broken up if it is relegated. Joe Cole’s England ambitions cannot be satisfied in the first division, and despite his obvious passion for the club – he may miss a few games after his histrionics at the end of todays game – he will not let that get in the way of his career. As next season ends with the European Championships in Portugal all international hopefuls need to be in the top division. So David James, Lee Bowyer and Trevor Sinclair are unlikely to stay either.

Ian Pearce, Freddie Kanoute, Paulo DiCanio, Nigel Winterburn and Tomas Repka may already have written their exit notes due to age, appearances or form, but apart from Kanoute they have little sell-on value. Jermain Defoe will probably leave whatever the season holds for West Ham because he has been attracting the teams with the biggest pockets and come what may West Ham could do with the money.

For West Brom; Jason Koumas has proved his ability at this level and could move on and Russel Hoult is coveted by the Birmingham fans amongst others. But this is a hard-working side with few obvious stars to sell. That really could go in West Brom’s favour as they may keep many more players that have played together this year than either West Ham or Sunderland. The real question mark is over the manager and whether Gary Megson wants to continue at a club he is often uncomfortable at.

This is the reality for all the relegated sides, and Glen Roeder is right, West Ham aren’t down yet. If Bolton are yet overtaken, then their side will be taken apart as well. The uncomfortable reality is that relegation leaves corpses and the survivors are only too happy to pick them over.

245 Title showdown may define the

There is no doubt that the Arsenal versus Manchester United game tomorrow will have great significance for this season. But the ongoing effect of the result and the title run-in will be at least as significant. Are these sides fighting to be recognised as the defining force for the decade or do they perceive that other dominating forces are arriving and they are grabbing what they can – while they can.

The 1960’s belonged to Manchester United. Public support for Matt Busby and his ‘babes’ was still shaped by the 1958 Munich disaster and as Busby again started gaining championships and eventually the European Cup there was a genuine feeling of support for the team from neutrals.

Leeds threatened to define the seventies only for the arrival of Liverpool to scupper those hopes. And despite the surge of Everton in the eighties Liverpool went on to dominate English football until one internal appointment too many destroyed the team ethic and created a superstar complex. Arsenal then appeared set to dominate the nineties only for Manchester United to re-emerge as the best team in the country.

The defining force of our decade has yet to be established but tomorrow nights game may well go a long way to deciding the matter.

If either team wins tomorrow the most likely scenario is that they will go on to take the title. It is always possible that they could go on to lose a couple in the last four or five games – but that is not likely. A draw – the most likely result – would leave both sides feeling that they will be champions.

If Arsenal succeed then they will have won consecutive league titles and possibly FA Cups. And will have the momentum to attract the best players and move into a period of league domination that they have not enjoyed since the 1930’s. This excludes the 3 or 4 good seasons under George Graham, before he was caught with his arm up to his elbow in the honey pot. Arsenal could well be the team of the decade if only they can win on Wednesday.

If Manchester United win then they can expect to cherry-pick a new midfield that can push them on for the next five years, Geremi and Duff will freshen up and improve a team that often labours under the past and not present deeds of Beckham, Giggs and Keane. History may well see only the finish line and not recognise the closeness of a total fall from grace that this side could have suffered after that dreadful display at Maine Road.

Manchester United appear to be a side in transition and for the next two or three seasons may well have to grateful for whatever they can win – just look at their efforts in the Worthington Cup. Arsenal on the other hand are at the height of their powers but are facing the severe financial burden of a big new stadium.

Perhaps as both of these great teams are grasping for the title this season, their managers can see slim times ahead and are desperate for this title – because it may well be their last for a while. Liverpool must surely wake from their slumbers soon and Newcastle are building a team that may yet be a major force.

History will show that Wednesday’s match is just another footnote, another staging point. But for once the hype is justified because the winner – if there is one - may well go on winning and the loser may be left to rebuild and fade. This is one of the key moments of recent times for Premiership football, and the winner could go on to be the team of the decade.

246 Basement clubs fight for their

Given the financial penalty for relegation from the Premiership, this Saturday’s big match is the clash at the Reebok Stadium between Bolton Wanderers and West Ham United. Both teams are in form and if they had started the season better they would be picking up points in the manner of a top six team. Unfortunately defeat on Saturday may well send one or other down and start the kind of team dissection that will keep them there.

West Ham and Bolton appear to be in some trouble. Only the free falling Fulham appear to be likely to let either off the hook, and they are 3 points above Bolton and 6 above West Ham. West Ham are the bookies favourites to go down but that is simply because they are in residence, but points can be recovered.

People forget the run-in to the 1994 season. Oldham won their final 3 games including a game against the eventual runners-up – Aston Villa – to get the nine points needed to ensure their survival. West Ham have the quality to go on a run like that and are unbeaten in six games.

Bolton on the other hand are in decent form but are stuttering in their attempts to get clear of trouble. Last minute equalisers by West Brom and Manchester United have taken from Bolton the opportunity to be safe already – and it is these frailties that may come back to haunt Sam Allardyce’s motley bunch of cast-offs and mercenaries.

Both teams in any ordinary season would be comfortable mid-table quality. They have good midfields even if their forwards are largely ordinary (the excellent Defoe excepted) they have excellent goalkeepers and decent defenders. But they are struggling because the standard of the average team in the division is rising quickly – perhaps more quickly than these two teams realised.

If West Ham go down then Cole, Defoe and James will probably knock each other over in a desperate race for the exit. And after them, as Leicester, Ipswich, Derby et al have found, anyone with a value may be next.

As for Bolton their strategy of short contracts and loan deals will mean that a relegated side will instantly lose 6 star players so that finances will be quickly equalised – even if promotion may be a touch harder.

A case can be made for both of these teams to still achieve 40 points, given their current form. And in these circumstances Fulham may get cut unless they can find enough players willing to risk injury (and next seasons change of club) to force a result or two.

Congratulations to Portsmouth for achieving a Premiership place. The harsh reality is that this division has more strength in depth than any other in Europe, even if the top teams are yet to be a match for the best Europe has to offer. And every relegation is seen by the others as a chance to pick over the bones to help them through the next season.

Portsmouth will find difficulty breathing in this environment next season because if teams as good as Bolton and West Ham are struggling then you know things are going to be tough.

244 Little temptation in Tigana's

d.”

Fifteen heads turned to look at me and I realised the magnitude
of the task I have in charge of this football club.

“The sulky one – Anelka. See those boys over there? That’s the youth team. Go and train with them.”

As he trudged over to where the kids were training he pulled a mobile phone out of his shorts and heard him mutter into the receiver

“Get me my brothers on the phone. I want them now.”

I won’t have characters like that undermining the morale I’m attempting to build. We’ve started gaining some harmony already, by taking all the players to the boozer for an all day ‘team bonding session’. Already some of the players are responding to my man-management as they told me after 16 pints of Holts’ down the Parkside:

“I love you bosh..Y..y..yer the best bosh we’ve ever had”

mumbled Richard Dunne.

“Aye, yer a canny lad. Gis a nother beer.”

Agreed Steve Howey

“Burp! Magic this gaffer!”

enthused Nicky Weaver.

So we welcome to Maine Road Malcolm McClaren and his Middlesbrough posse. I always look forward to playing against McClaren’s sides: He is tactically astute, a great motivator, highly intelligent, and stands on the touchline with his notebook looking calm but soaking in every aspect of his sides performance to analyse in great detail and put right on the training ground.

Me, I’m more of a chuck teacups in the dressing room and make the players run their balls off on the training ground to punish them kind of guy, so it is an interesting mix of the modern manager versus the more traditional, like myself. I’m sure Malcolm would agree though you can’t beat experience, and therefore I don’t expect the Boro to emerge with any points come Saturday night!

All the best. Send your messages of goodwill to [email protected]

Don’t forget to check out the match report for the Boro game on the website next week.

Regards

Harry
With the threat of relegation still very real, the timing of Chairman Mohamed al-Fayed's public announcement that Jean Tigana's P45 was being prepared for the summer seems increasing difficult to comprehend?

Now, with all those beneath and around them in the Premiership starting to pick up points, Fulham are suddenly left looking rudderless and the players hardly look to be in the right frame of mind for a relegation scrap, having lost their last three games to Manchester United, Liverpool and Blackburn Rovers without having scored and having conceded nine goals in the process. Indeed, if it wasn't for an ill-deserved 1:0 home win over Sunderland, they would now be even deeper in the mire.

Already, Steed Malbranque, far and away their best player from a creative viewpoint, has indicated that he could be on his way in the summer. Steve Finnan, one of the best right-backs plying their trade in the Premiership, is said to be on his way to Liverpool for £6 million in the next few months in what is said to be a done deal by "insiders" according to reports. Added to the likelihood that none of the loan signings Pierre Wome, Martin Djetou and Junichi Inamoto will be making their moves permanent, the fact that Andy Melville, John Collins and Bjarne Goldbaek are all out of the contract at the end of the season and that the likes of Steve Marlet, Sylvain Legwinski and Edwin Van der Sar are all likely to be sold to reduce the wage bill, Tigana's successor coull theoretically be left with only Sean Davis as a player of undoubted Premiership quality.

Quite where Fulham go from here is difficult to envisage? With the club following ominously in the nomadic steps of Wimbledon, a decision has to be taken as soon as possible on a new ground or returning to a refurbished Craven Cottage, if support isn't going to rapidly dwindle away. With al-Fayed having relocated to Switzerland, there has to be a doubt as to how long he will be prepared to bankroll the club? His commitment to and true motive behind his involvement with the club have always been open to question. Whatever they are, or were, the one thing that is clear is that the free-spending days of the Kevin Keegan and Tigana era are over.

Fulham, keen to develop their own players and spend within their means, have been quoted as looking for a "David Moyes-type" manager. That would surely rule out one of the early candidates, Gianluca Vialli? A CV that includes the signing of ridiculously over-paid, over-the-hill dross while at Watford hardly seems to fit the bill. The early favourite seems to be Alan Pardew, but he would surely be ill-advised to leave a Reading club in the ascendency for one whose future looks so uncertain? David O'Leary, Micky Adams (would he want to go back?), Paul Hart and George Burley are among the usual names linked with a post of such standing, but perhaps the man ideally suited to the job in hand is Steve Coppell. His record of fighting such seemingly lost causes is probably second to none.

One thing for sure though, should the Cottagers survive the drop this time round, I'll certainly be looking at their price for the drop next season.

243 Harry Flatcap and the inevitab

Hello and welcome to Harrys latest column, and it comes from a place I
believe is my spiritual home. Yes, once again, Harry Flatcap is the manager of Manchester City!

It was a dramatic turnaround that brought me back to Maine Road, a place I managed at with success in the mid-nineties (comparative success anyway; I did far better than the other 23 managers who held the post in that memorable 4 year spell). After City’s disastrous defeat against Bolton marooned the blues in mid-table mediocrity, the chairman decided to act.

“Harry mate”

his gruff Manc tones cajoled on the other end of the phone line.

“Er, is that Bernard Manning?”

I replied tentatively. He continued unabashed

“you’re the man we need ‘ere. We got rid of the Chairman. Well,
he was like, too financially prudent. That’s not how we do things ‘ere at City. The fans love a bit of financial madness. Lots of spendin’ on players, throwin’ are money about. And we don’t do mid-table finishes. We’ve a new stadium to fill next season and the fans won’t come unless we’re losin’ all our games or winnin’ them all. That’s why Keegan has to go. Sure – He’d spent the money, but the players he bought were OK, nothin’ more nothin’ less. So we’re stuck in this mid-table position. Not good enough! We need somebody who can generate some interest for the end of this season.”

So he has to go.

“So you haven’t actually sacked him yet?”

“Er, no…we thought we’d speak to you first. Could you keep it quiet?”

“What – That you are sacking Keegan and asking me to be the new City
manager? I can’t quite hear you too clearly”

I shouted

“I’m on a very busy train and we’ve just gone through a tunnel.”

Imagine my surprise when I got of the train to be engulfed by a posse of sports journalists asking if it was true.

The media circus continued until the chairman finally unveiled me as the new manager of City. The haste of my arrival caused an embarrassing gaffe: Posing for the obligatory photo at the main entrance of the ground hold aloft a City scarf it was pointed out that this particular woollen garment not only had ‘MANCHESTER CITY’ embossed along it’s length but also ‘WALKING IN A KEEGAN WONDERLAND’. How the tabloids enjoyed that one the next morning.

Onto the task at hand, and my first job was to find a right-hand man.
Regular readers of this column will be aware of the difficulties this has posed throughout the season as a good second in command is worth his weight in gold, and may have prevented a few sackings for me along the way. This time I was focussed about exactly the man I needed, and moved swiftly to employ Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf. I greatly admire the work he has been doing as the Iraqi Information Minister. His brave ascertains in front of the Western media that Iraq are winning the war, and will triumph despite all the evidence to the contrary convinced me he was the man I needed for those thorny situations such as dealing with the tabloid press, the chairman, or contract negotiations. I have agreed with Mohammed that he can work at City on a part-time basis until the war ends, so he’ll continue to spout propaganda for Saddam Sunday – Thursday then he joins up with City for the preparations for our Premiership games. This is not unusual, after all, does Brian Kidd not work with his country as well as for a Premiership team?

Though I must admit, signing Mohammed to work full-time for City seems to be questionable, as I told him he could start channelling all his energies into City once the Iraqis have lost the war.

“We will never lose to the Western aggressors! We will triumph over this tyranny of evil and will not stop until the throat of every soldier of Satan is cut!”

I’m sure Leeds don’t have this problem with Kiddo! Still, the guy was mustard in his first press conference.

Press hack:

“You’ve re-instated Shaun Goater to the side. What are the
reasons for this?”

Mohammed:

“The man has scored 150 goals in the Premiership this season. He
is the greatest striker ever. You Western invaders must recognise the fact that Shaun will score 6 goals against Middlesbrough. They will not score any by reply. They are already running scared. They may not even turn up to Maine Road on Saturday. We will smash their resistance, their heart, their spirit…”

Press hack:

“Er, my newspaper stats say he’s scored 7…”

Mohammed:

“Lies! Lies and propaganda! The Goat has 150 goals but you
English puppets of evil Bush will never recognise this fact!”

As stated above, The Goat has indeed been re-instated. I’ve always been a big fan of his. He scores goals. He runs around a lot. He, crucially for me, defends very well at set-pieces and corners. He also tends to fall over an awful lot in front of goal. Imagine how many goals he would have scored if he had curbed this instinct to go backside over breast at the crucial moment? Hence my decision to pick him at centre-half for the Middlesbrough game this weekend. My theory being that if he’s good at defending, lets shove the big lad at the back. And if we can punt a free kick or a corner in his direction and he can push up and get on the end of it then all the better.

The other key decision I took was to drop the lad Anelka. He now trains with the kids. Well, he’s such a sulker isn’t he?! He was poncing around in training the other day and I was trying to get him to work harder as I put the players through their paces.

“Run to the other end of the pitch and back”

I shouted at the players. When they returned I shouted

“Do it faster”.

When they returned again I shouted

“Now do it even faster”

“Or I will kill you”

interjected Mohammed. However the young lad Anelka seemed to be sauntering rather than pumping his arms like pistons and the sulk was
about to hit the floor. So I got fed up with this and said to him

“You, the French la

242 Magical Madrid

Real Madrid tonight showed what a special side they are. In beating Manchester United 3-1 they have probably progressed to the semi-finals of the European Cup as well as sending shock-waves through European football. When the two favourites for a title meet you expect a great game, but at times Madrid were unbelievable.

It is difficult to see how Manchester United could have played better. They created six or seven half-chances and took one of only three clear chances. On another day when everything is flying in they might have got a draw but that would have been a travesty, the better side won. And if United had had the temerity to take the lead you feel sure that Madrid would have raised their game and scored more.

For the return leg United have hope - but little more. This tie is now weighted 90/10 in Madrid’s favour and few can truly expect that they will be overcome at Old Trafford later this month.

Too few Manchester United players played to their potential. Scholes was excellent at times but gave the ball away on the edge of the box for the second goal. Van Nistelrooy was imperious, spurning his usual attempts to con the referee he led the line with pace, power and conviction and now has 23 European goals for Manchester United in just 2 seasons. Ferdinand was patchy, losing Raul for the second goal but out-muscling Ronaldo every time he tried to wriggle free. Keane, Giggs and Beckham are not the players they were.

On the Madrid side the first goal was clearly a fluke, an attempt by Figo to cross for Raul flew into the top corner. Figo’s poor recent form combined with transfer talk about Beckham may have contributed to his celebration. After that he was quiet. Raul was superb. His two finishes were world class and he barely had another shot. His partner Ronaldo looked overweight and out of his depth. But Zidane was awesome, if he was tackled once then I would be surprised. His ability to make up passes, to drift and then strike were phenomenal. Zidane is the most complete player in the world and tonight he gave a complete performance.

In the clash of the monied heavy-weights Real Madrid scored a heavy points victory tonight and only two lenient refereeing decision regarding a Brown on Ronaldo penalty and a Barthez handling incident prevented a points victory turning into a knockout.

Perhaps reputations do count. Real Madrid have the biggest wages and transfers and tonight they justified their reputations. If there is a team left to deny them then it is probably AC Milan, another team with history and a reputation. Unfortunately after tonight’s master-class in finishing Manchester United are unlikely to be the team that knocks Real Madrid off their perch.

241 Reputations are on the line.

7;ve confused me with someone else there Mr. Saccharin.'
'Right. So what can I do for you? I'm very busy you know?'
'Well it's your market stall Mr. Saccharin. You've left it unattended for some days now. Most of your stock has been stolen and if you don't return soon we'll have to give your stall to someone else.' This clearly struck a
chord with Saccharin as he panicked and dashed through the door screaming'
My stall! My ZX81's! My little Casio keyboards! My ping pong bat n' ball arcade games! I must save them!' As Saccharin dashed out of the door Hoddle wasted no time in slamming the door shut and locking it behind him.

'Get on the floor guys.' Implored Hoddle. 'He's still got a gun remember.'
And soon enough he was back, screaming through the letterbox.

'You con merchants! I haven't had a market stall since 1979!' and he fired off a salvo of bullets in a desperate attempt to break back in. 'Get down!' screamed Glenn 'Do I have to show you how you should get down correctly?
Can you do it right please?' Nice to see Glenns old man-management skills haven't diminished!

Eventually Saccharin ran out of bullets and steam and gave himself up to the police who gave him a caution for causing a bit of a hindrance. I attempted to piece together what had happened with Glenn, who explained how he'd got
involved.

'Well Harry, Eileen appeared last night and told me I must do my duty and how I should do it.'
'But what about the booby trapped doors? Did she give you special powers to get through the doors like that?'
'Harry, I believe in my faith. I'm not David Blaine. However, I did know that I would encounter no trouble walking through the booby-traps.' Glenn walked me over to the door frame and pointed to the label on the metal trap.

'See that'
he pointed.
'A Saccharin-Trad Ltd series BT90347 booby trap. We all know what happens with Saccharin-Trad products ' Two weeks after you
get them home from the shops - They don't work!!!' We both stood there laughing at this for a little longer than we should have.

So I stepped outside the hostel expecting to be mobbed by the media and well-wishers to discover just one cub reporter from the London Evening Standard waiting outside the building. I sighed 'Do you want an interview
then laddie?'
'Naw mate' he intoned 'I'm waitin' for the football managers to come out'

The cheek of it! Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear I'm fit and available for any managerial positions or expert analysis on a cosy chat with Hansen, Lawro, and Gary. Any offers please contact me at [email protected]

Till next week,
Regards

Harry
The big match tonight is dominating conversations in workplaces across Britain. An eagerly anticipated clash of the über rich clubs of Spain and England, Real Madrid and Manchester United is in store. In England there will be a majority of people supporting the Spanish team, and vice versa, because these flash, at times arrogant clubs do engender a lot of envy.

Why do teams fear Real Madrid when they don't fear, for example, the impressive, talented Valencia team that have been Spanish Champions and twice runners-up in the Champions League over the past four seasons? Why do teams in England prefer to play Arsenal rather than United?

The simple answer is reputation.

Reputations can make your opponents play with fear and this fear can get you results. Just drawing certain clubs in competitive matches can paralyse teams, and they play a defensive match that is quite alien to their instincts But reputations are what make this tie especially exciting.

This is the fourth time these two clubs have met with Real Madrid coming out on top twice (1956-7 and 1999-2000) before going on to win the tournament. Manchester United prevailed in 1967-8 and also won the European Cup that year. So there is some justification in calling this a winner takes all tie.

Reputations can also benefit players making their opponents back away, physically and mentally. The very fact that this game is being hyped up to the heavens is down to reputation rather than reality. There is a case to make that neither side is the best in their domestic league and neither has the best record in Europe this season. So when the reality is that two famous old clubs in relatively good form will contest an even tie, the media have somehow come to the conclusion that the game of the century is in the offing.

Both of these teams have struggled at times this season against younger more aggressive teams, and this may be because both teams have a mix of bought-in stars and home-grown heroes. And if you develop your team by buying in, to cover shortcomings in your youth system, you will quickly end up with an ageing squad because stars tend to be 25-28 years old.

This means for both teams this could be the final year for many of the stars before the clubs look to move them on - and move others in.

Apart from Ronaldo and Raul all the top stars in the Madrid team are getting old. Figo, Zidane and Carlos are superb players but are no longer improving. On the United side the entire midfield is at a dangerous age. The six first choice midfielders, Veron, Keane, Beckham, Giggs, Butt and Scholes are all between 27 and 31 and Alex Ferguson will surely take remedial action in the summer to reduce the average age to somewhere closer to 25.

So perhaps this is the last big hurrah for the stars of both teams, and the stars are the reason why neutrals in their millions will tune into this clash. Fans want to see Zidane versus Scholes or Figo versus Beckham much more than they are interested in whether Claude Makelele or Nicky Butt win midfield dominance. So tonight these European football equivalents to the Harlem Globetrotters will fight it out. And reputations are on the line.

240 Harry Flatcap and the LMA sieg

Good afternoon and welcome to week 3 of the football manager siege taking place at the League Managers Association shelter for football managers who will never work again.

As stated in last weeks update, I had a cunning plan, and I had to put it to action. It started off with me asking the boys to gather round and have a good pray with me. I could feel the mutterings of resistance as I asked all
the ex-managers to trust me, to get on their knees, put their hands together, close their eyes and follow my lead. There was only one dissenter.

'Last time I was asked to do that it got me into a lot of trouble' reasoned David Pleat, but soon he was down there with the rest of them, hands clasped together, as I implored the managers to repeat my prayer.

'Oh, lord above, you know each and every one of us. Yes, we've not always believed in your teachings in the past. We've been inclined to believe that we've suffered bad luck, that it will all even itself out over the course of a season, or it's the referees fault. Perhaps now is the time for us to
accept that maybe there is a god though, looking out over us, deciding where the fickle finger of fate should rest on any given Saturday afternoon. Perhaps this is the moment for us to show our faith in the big man upstairs,
bigger than the usual big man upstairs we worship, the Chairman. No, we must show our faith for the big big man upstairs.'

Suddenly, a little cloud of smoke rose in front of us, and a hazy face encased within the smog could be made out rising in front of us. A couple of the managers gasped and sounded fearful, but for some reason I wasn't afraid. I knew who this person was. It was Eileen Drewry.

'Mr. Flatcap. You called.'
'Hello Eileen ' I didn't know if we would be able to tune into you the way Glenn has, but it would seem everything he's been banging on about for years is correct.'
'I believe it was George Michael who spoke about the need to have faith.'
'Well, yes, but I wouldn't believe all he says, or we'd all be down the toilet. Er, figuratively as well as physically. I wasn't sure if we'd get through to you Eileen.'
'Oh, yes. Whenever such a call goes out, you football types are always diverted to me. It's my specialised subject, so to speak.'
'Great. Well we need some help here right now''
''What again? We seem to have been inundated by football managers in the last week. There was a prayer from a Mr. Clough asking if we could humiliate Sven on account of Mr. Clough never being given a fair crack at
the England job and now some foreigner has the job. We agreed to Mr. Cloughs request as we don't want to see him hitting the bottle again, and ensured Sven had a couple of dodgy results to put a bit of pressure on him. Then there was a prayer from a Mr. O'Leary, hoping something unfortunate would happen to Ridsdale at Leeds United as 'he wasn't a very nice man'. We
agreed hence the pressure was teemed upon him, forcing him to resign. We thought he was going to hold on and were preparing the plague of locusts to visit Elland Road, but fortunately we were able to cancel that request as he
came quietly this week.'
'Well would you help us out in our battle against evil genius Alan
Saccharin?'
'Hmmm, let me see'Sure! It appears Saccharin is on our list of unlovable personalities who need knocking down a peg or two'I think we can help.' And with that the cloud of smoke vanished and she was gone.

The managers looked bewildered and concerned that there should be no
immediate action. But I had no fears. After a fitful sleep we all re-congregated in the lounge area, to be greeted by the stern face of Saccharin as Venables seemed once again seemed to be on the verge of pushing his captor over the edge. Terry was stood alongside the nobo board we had
commandeered only the night before and seemed to be bamboozling Saccharin with a set of strange arrows and dots scribbled all over its surface.

''and so Alan, if we keep the Christmas tree formation tight, keep a steady supply of the ball to the wingers who can feed the man in the hole which gives plenty of options when going forward. In addition you make sure at least 2 of the team are really good looking lads, slip a couple of
'envelopes' to their agents, get a decent deal on their merchandise rights and you're on a nice little earner''

Just before Saccharin could inflict any damage there was a knock on the front door.

'Do not open the door!' shouted Saccharin. 'I must inform you all the doors and windows in this building are booby trapped!'

We all watched, frozen to the spot, terrified, as the door handle slowly turned. We feared the worst and waited for the explosion as the door slowly
swung open. And'nothing happened. A man walked into the room, and Saccharin turned his gun into the direction of the visitor and demanded him to halt. I recognised the man instantly, even though he was wearing a thick
false moustache and glasses. It was Glenn Hoddle! Glenn brandished a clip board and looked over-officious as he spoke in a false north-eastern accent.

'Mr. Sacharin? My name is Mr. Hod'Waddle, from the City council.'
'Mr. Waddle? You look very familiar to me. Didn't you used to be a pop star' I could see Glenn had adopted that awful jaunty dance shuffle he did
on Top of the Pops many years ago and had cleared his throat to sing
'Diamond Lights'. I made 'cut throat' symbols to Glenn from behind Saccharins back to make sure he didn't give the game up. It worked.
'Ahem no, I think you̵

239 Crisis? What crisis?

The best England team performance since the Denmark game in the World Cup has seen England's Euro 2004 hopes jump. There will be no more talk of Sven Goran Eriksson for the time being, because England have finally played to their potential. This was a performance that would have worried Brazil ' if it had happened last summer.

Right through the team there was a solidity. David James played a game to cement his position. It seems unlikely now that David Seaman will ever play for England again. In defence Sol Campbell was superb, his pace, power and aggression were a throw back to a time when England had the pick of the best centre-backs in the world. Wayne Bridge at left back is now showing that Ashley Cole may struggle to get back in the team. His ability to get up and down matched Cole, but he is also a better defender. Bridge may not be pushed out of this side by Cole as easily as Mills was by Neville.

In midfield a new formation showed the way forward. If England has no left winger then why pretend? By being narrow and letting the forwards and full-backs provide width England creating more chances against one of the best sides in the world than they did against Liechtenstein. Gerrard was superb and clearly the best midfielder on show, Nicky Butt also demonstrated that a ball-winner is needed to create a base for any attack minded team. Scholes was not on top of his game and Beckham was the poorest of the quartet.

Up front Owen limped off and was replaced by Vassell and Rooney showed enough without scoring to show that he can hold down a regular place. Rooneys power and aggression mark him out as a player to watch, but his first half studs up lungs on Tugay showed that his temperament is suspect.

Wayne Rooney may get the plaudits for his strength and aggression but once again it was a lucky player, Darius Vassell with his fourth goal in eleven international appearances, who made the difference. Emile Heskey may 'never let anyone down' but equally he rarely pleasantly surprises you. His 4 international goals have come in 32 games, the majority of which have been as a centre-forward.

In fact of the players on show tonight Owen (20 goals in 47 appearances), Vassell (4 in 11), Scholes (13 in 54), Beckham (11 in 59) and Gerrard (2 in 15) all have better goals per game ratios that Heskey. So perhaps Rooneys arrival is serendipity in action, just when England tire of Heskey a new thick-necked powerhouse turns up. Whatever, England have confounded their critics and turned in an attacking show tonight that got a deserved result.

England have won and can now push on to automatic qualification. If Eriksson and Rooney are the big winners tonight then Emile Heskey may have been the biggest loser.

237 Sven's temperature rises.

In the last round of Euro 2004 matches the pressure was rising for Mick McCarthy, Sven Goran Eriksson and Berti Vogts. Vogts managed a couple of wins against Iceland and suddenly is talking about beating Germany. McCarthy jumped before he was pushed and is now managing Sunderland, where 4 of his Ireland squad are holidaying. Finally Eriksson, the honeymoon period well and truly over, is starting to assess the circling press pack. Does he have a future?

International managers are judged by results. Club managers are judged by results. Lets face Monday night 5-a-side player/managers are judged by results - and results can be harsh. But the Macedonia draw and then the limp victory over Liechtenstein suggest that this England side is suffering a long hangover from last years World Cup, and if it persists there may well be a change of manager.

The press pack are now focusing on the England manager despite the obvious improvements England have made under Eriksson's new management team. And it is a team, coaches like McClaren, Kidd and Curbishley have brought British knowledge and the Swede has created a calm atmosphere and the results have come. Qualifying for the World Cup was not a foregone conclusion when he took over - with Finland looking to pip England for the play-off spot. In the event England destroyed Germany in Munich, and finished group winners. This consigned the eventual World Cup runners-up to a sudden death play-off which was inconceivable when Hamann beat Seaman with a quick free-kick at Wembley.

In the World Cup Germany, England and tonights opponents, Turkey, all progressed as far as their fortune stayed with them - oh and until they faced Brazil in a knockout game. So the omens are for a close game. Turkey are now ranked seventh in the world and so cannot be taken lightly - but now is surely the time for England to throw caution to the wind and get a result that will get the country behind the team again.

Given the rest of the group, England and Turkey will almost certainly be the top two. So England should play aggressively to win. If they lose or draw they will face a play-off so losing in an attempt to win is a worthwhile gamble.

Eriksson's immediate fate may be decided tonight. But hopefully England will give a rousing attacking performance - which for me is far more important than the result - and Eriksson can be left to quietly improve the national team. The team need to be fired up tonight, not the manager.