815: NATIONWIDE: Div 3 play-off fin

by : David Hulott

DIVISION THREE PLAY-OFF FINAL PREVIEW

HUDDERSFIELD TOWN V MANSFIELD TOWN

The last of the promotion play-offs sees a clash between two teams bidding for an immediate return to Division Two after relegation last term.

Huddersfield and Mansfield both made heavy weather of their semi-finals, having both secured first-leg advantages away from home, only to contrive to fall behind on aggregate in their home games before staging recoveries.

Mansfield must surely be one of the best teams to watch in terms of value for money, with goals both scored and conceded at a heady rate. The Stags’ main hopes will surely lie with Liam Lawrence, a player destined for a higher level of football, whether or not Mansfield go up. Keith Curle’s team will miss striker Iyesden Christie, who is sidelined with a fractured foot. The team that started both legs against Northampton Town in the semi-final is again set to start here.

Huddersfield are boosted by the availability of experienced striker Andy Booth, who has recovered from a knee injury, while Tony Clarke (ankle) and Tony Carss (thigh strain) are also fit. On-loan Paul Rachubka will continue in goal, with Ian Gray still sidelined with a broken hand. Terriers’ manager Peter Jackson knows that his side threw away the chance of automatic promotion in the latter stages of the regular season, not least as a result of a 3:1 home defeat to Mansfield on May 1st.

Huddersfield look to have a good mix of youth and experience, while Mansfield’s defence should present the likes of Booth, Pawel Danny Schofield and Iffy Onuora with plenty of opportunities. If they can deprive Lawrence of the opportunity to shine, Huddersfield could provide Yorkshire football with a rare bright moment in recent years.

TIP: take Huddersfield to be winning at both half-time and full-time – 3-1 (Ladbrokes)

Alternatively, take Booth to score the first goal – 13-2 (Canbet) or 6-1 (Victor Chandler; SportingOdds; Totalbet; Sporting Bet;Ukbetting; Betdirect; Totesport)

David Hulott
30/05/2004

814: PREMIERSHIP: Chelsea follow Eu

by : Alex Wolstenholme

The daily speculation surrounding Chelsea and potential new managers and players indicates that the club have pretty much decided to follow a more European method of achieving success.

The major clubs on the continent all have hugely influential presidents who often bankroll the club and directors of football with far reaching powers. These two men between them are responsible for transfers in and out, contracts and wages and bring in coaches who they think will get the best results from the assembled squad.

Despite some changes in the British game over the last decade, clubs here are not generally the personal symbols of one man’s empire and managers rather than coaches are employed who have responsibility for coaching and for who is transferred in and out of the club (even if they do not deal with the wages and contracts).

When clubs have appointed a `Director of Football` it has either been as a token gesture to a sacked manager (Ron Atkinson at Coventry for example) or simply a title given to someone who then continues to carry out the duties of a traditional manager.

Chelsea have broken this tradition in a number of ways. Clearly the club is now symbolic with Roman Abramovich. He bankrolls the club to such an extent that merchandising and ticket sales are merely a drop in the ocean and together with Peter Kenyon and others he also has a say in which players are brought into the club.

The idea of purchasing a player such as Alexei Smertin and then loaning him out to a club in the same division virtually the same day was unheard of in England but is common practice in Italy where the bigger clubs will often buy a player simply to stop him going to their rivals.

If Claudio Ranieri is to be sacked it will confirm that Chelsea have wholeheartedly followed this model. We used to laugh at the stories coming in from Italy or Spain of managers being sacked for losing two games in a row or failing to win the European Cup but that is exactly what appears likely to happen at Chelsea.

Ranieri will have been deemed to have failed to get the most out of the assembled squad and the next man will be given his chance, whether it be Mourinho, Deschamps or Hitzfeld.

In contrast, despite having a French manager and a multi-national squad, Arsenal retains an identifiably British structure with a Chairman, Chief Executive, Manager and Assistant Manager. Arsene Wenger is clearly involved in much more than just coaching even if he does not get involved with the nitty gritty of wages and contract negotiations. From the training ground to the design of the dressing rooms at their new stadium, Arsenal’s manager is involved in everything.

It’s a fascinating clash of styles that may become even more pronounced next season if Chelsea do have a new manager.

Alex Wolstenholme
28/05/2004

810: NATIONWIDE: Div 2 play-off fin

by : David Hulott

DIVISION TWO PLAY-OFF FINAL PREVIEW

BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION V BRISTOL CITY

Brighton and Bristol City can perhaps count themselves a little fortunate in reaching this stage, with both failing to convince in semi-final victories over Swindon Town and Hartlepool respectively.

The Seagulls looked bereft of ideas in the 2nd leg of their tie with Swindon, only claiming a penalty shoot-out courtesy of a goal in the last minute of extra-time from defender Adam Virgo. Although goal-machine Leon Knight has recovered from the leg injury that saw him substituted during the game, Mark McGhee’s team look over-reliant on the diminutive former Chelsea striker. McGhee’s one selection dilemma for the final is in choosing between Gary Hart and Paul Reid on the right-flank.

City claimed their place in the final thanks to two goals in the last couple of minutes at Ashton Gate to overcome a valiant Hartlepool side that had lost two key defenders to injury with 20-minutes to go.

The game could well be the lowest scoring of the three play-off finals, with both teams being very solid defensively, yet struggling for goals given their lofty standings. Victory is almost certainly more crucial to Bristol City, who really should be playing at a higher level given their support and the quality of players in Danny Wilson’s squad. For Brighton, promotion is probably of secondary importance to the ongoing saga of their bid for a new 22,000 capacity stadium in Falmer.

Bristol City certainly look to have the stronger team overall and they really should prevail if they can prevent too many opportunities falling the way of Knight. The fact that Brighton lost 11-games away from home during the course of the league season is another reason to side with the Robins. City do have doubts over top-scorer Lee Peacock (rated 50-50 with an ankle injury) and full-back Darren Bell (knee), but they still have match-winners in Christian Roberts, Lee Miller and Scott Murray.

TIP: For a half-time/full-time bet, go with draw/ Bristol City – 9-2 (William Hill; Sporting Odds; Victor Chandler; Stanleybet; Paddy Power; Bet365; Betdirect; Bluesq.com; Totesport).

Alternatively, go with a 1:0 win for City at 7-1 (William Hill; Ladbrokes; Sporting Odds; Totalbet; Victor Chandler; Paddy Power; UKbetting; Bet365; Betdirect).

David Hulott
29/05/2004

809: NATIONWIDE: Div 1 play-off fin

by : Stephen Orford

Forget all about the Champions' League final, the richest game in European football will take place at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff this Saturday (May 29). A place in the super-rich Premiership is on offer on what is always a tension-filled occasion.

The quota of London clubs in the top flight will be stretched from 5 to 6 by the final whistle as West Ham United take on Crystal Palace in the winner takes all showdown. Adding further spice to the contest is the fact that both managers at one time represented their opponents as players, and they are sure to receive a mixed reaction from their old fans on the big day.

West Ham will be looking to bounce like a Leeds United cheque and make an immediate return to the top tier of the English football pyramid after their calamitous relegation last season. Manager Alan Pardew scored the goal that took Palace into the 1990 FA Cup final in their memorable 4-3 semi-final win over Liverpool, but will now be looking to ensure his former employers are consigned to another year in division one. The former Reading manager arrived at Upton Park amid controversy, with Reading fans and staff feeling let down, and West Ham fans far from convinced that he was the man to take them back to the promised land. However, while he missed out on automatic promotion he did manage to guide the Hammers to fourth spot in the league, and a 2-1 aggregate win over Ipswich secured a trip to Cardiff.

His opposite number on the day will be Iain Dowie. The former Northern Ireland international striker (yes, they do exist) took over at a time when Palace were more likely to be fighting relegation to division two than they were to be challenging for a place in the play-offs. An amazing run of 45 points from the 22 games played under Dowie's guidance saw Palace sneak into the playoffs in sixth place at the expense of Wigan. Ironically, it was West Ham's late goal against Wigan that kept Palace in the hunt on the final day of the league season. West Ham will be hoping that they don't live to regret that moment, but face a Crystal Palace side who appear to be getting stronger with each game. Dowie has become one of the hottest young properties in football management, which will come as no surprise to Oldham Athletic fans. He guided the Latics to the second division play-offs before financial meltdown led to a major player exodus at Boundary Park, but at Palace Dowie has continued to show his potential as a coach. He has fought off speculation linking him with the Leeds United manager's post to concentrate his efforts on this all or nothing contest.

Crystal Palace can call on a 17-man squad for the final, with their only major absentee being the suspended Julian Gray. They will be hoping that the division's top goalscorer, Andy Johnson, can score the goals that will fire them to the big league. They also possess Premiership experience with the likes of Nico Vaesen, Danny Granville, Michael Hughes whose crucial penalty saw off Sunderland in the semi final shoot-out, and strikers Dougie Freedman and Neil Shipperley.

The West Ham squad is slightly bigger, with 20 players in contention for action. The side is almost unrecognisable from the one which was relegated from the Premiership last season as financial contstraints led to the sale of most of their big stars. However, Thomas Repka, Christian Dailly, Michael Carrick and Don Hutchison remain and their experience added to the youthful exhuberance of the likes of former Wimbledon pair Re-Coker and McAnuff, Etherington and top goal-scorer Marlon Harewood could prove decisive. Up front West Ham look particularly strong, with Harewood ably assisted by another former Wimbledon man, David Connolly, and the ageless Brian Deane.

It is almost too tight to make a prediction with any confidence whatsoever, but perhaps the Crystal Palace charge for the Premiership has just come too late. This may prove to be just about one game too far as the West Ham side desperately scrap for the place among the elite that they believe they should never have lost. That said, I expect them to edge it by the odd goal in three.

Verdict: West Ham United 2 Crystal Palace 1

Stephen Orford
28/05/2004

808: NATIONWIDE: Div 1 play-off fin

by : David Hulott

DIVISION ONE PLAY-OFF PREVIEW

CRYSTAL PALACE V WEST HAM UNITED

There is probably no single game in the world of football with as much at stake financially as the Division One play-off final. It's widely accepted that the victors will be looking at a £20 million + boost in income as a result of their elevation to the heady heights of Premiership football.

There are a number of factors that make Saturday's game especially intriguing, aside from the prize at stake and the potential rewards. For starters, being a clash between two clubs from the capital should give the occasion a little extra edge (should any be required), while Palace manager Iain Dowie and his West Ham counterpart Alan Pardew, both spent substantial periods of their playing careers with their opponents here. Michael Hughes and Hayden Mullins will also be featuring against their former clubs, while Hughes is one of a number of players from the two sides who were once team-mates at Wimbledon (David Connolly; Adam Nowland; Nigel Reo-Coker; Jobi McAnuff; Neil Shipperley and Mikele Leigertwood being the others).

The great irony is that Palace owe their place in the play-offs to Hammers' veteran striker Brian Deane. Were it not for his 90th minute equaliser in the last game of the season at Wigan Athletic, it would have been the Latics appearing in the scramble for a Premiership place, rather than the Eagles. Will that goal come back to haunt West Ham?

As to the game itself, this has the look of an open game with plenty of goal-mouth action, based on both the calibre of attacking talent on show and the dearth of decent defenders. West Ham probably has the edge going forward, with David Connolly, Marlon Harewood, Bobby Zamora and the aforementioned Deane providing plenty of options with which to trouble a Palace rearguard that lacks pace and could also be missing Danny Granville (calf injury). That's not to say that Palace don't have their own potential match-winners, with the prolific Andrew Johnson, Shipperley and Dougie Freedman all capable of making a name for themselves against a suspect Hammers defence.

In addition to the doubt over Granville, Palace will also be without the suspended Julian Gray, while West Ham should be at full-strength.

An open game looks to be on the cards, with a few goals a distinct possibility.

TIP: at a decent price of 28-1, a small wager on the correct score of West Ham 3 Crystal Palace 2 might prove interesting (Coral (free £10 bet), Victor Chandler[], Sportingbet[]).

David Hulott
28/05/2004

807: PREMIERSHIP: Will Alan Smith b

by : Stephen Orford

Others mentioned who should be quickly dismissed from contention include Houllier's number two Phil Thompson, Steve McLaren of boringly mid-table Middlesbrough, and the man who gives me endless material for these pages, Sam Allardyce of Bolton. Graeme Souness has already been there and failed, Kevin Keegan has had one of the worst seasons of his career at Manchester City, Chris Coleman is too inexperienced, Steve Bruce too Manchester United, while names of the ilk of Trapattoni, Lippi and Hitzfeld are pie in the sky. And so it seems that there is absolutely nobody who has the right credentials for one of the most demanding jobs in football. They say you should be careful what you wish for, and now that Houllier has gone my delight turns to concern that there might not be a suitable replacement out there on Planet Football.

Then again, nobody has mentioned David O'Leary, have they?

Stephen Orford
25/04/2004Alan Smith finally broke Leeds United fans' hearts by joining Manchester United on Wednesday (May 26) in a deal thought to be worth around 7 million pounds. Just weeks after an emotional send-off from Elland Road Smith has signed a five-year contract at Old Trafford, prompting some Leeds fans to question his loyalty to their club.

He was always going to leave Leeds United. Financial circumstances, together with the player's own professional ambitions dictated this much. However, rather like the Tottenham fans' stance on the transfer of Sol Campbell to Arsenal in 2001, the Leeds United fans would rather have seen their man go anywhere in the footballing world other than Manchester United. Despite the fact that the two Uniteds will not even be playing in the same division next season, those Leeds fans see Smith's move as a betrayal.

In truth, it does not rate anywhere near Campbell's actions on the Judas-scale. For one thing, Smith did not allow his Elland Road contract to expire as Campbell did, allowing him to leave for nothing. For another, Tottenham could probably have afforded to make Campbell a very decent offer to stay, whereas Smith would have been likely to have been playing for a weekly fee of two bags of crisps and a bottle of Sunny Delight had he stayed in West Yorkshire. Thirdly, Sol Campbell attracted the attentions of many clubs around the world when word got around that he was available from White Hart Lane absolutely gratis. He could have chosen any destination in European football, yet still chose to join the club's fiercest rivals from across town. Smith, on the other hand, seemed to be mulling over a choice between joining one of the biggest clubs in the world in Manchester United, or Everton. With the best will in the world, Everton are unlikely to be challenging for major honours next season, and their best hope of playing in Europe appears to be a pre-season tour of Scandinavia.

Aside from all of this, are Leeds United and Manchester United really big rivals anyway? Most of the hostility seems to come from the White Rose County, and much of it seems also to stem from jealousy. While United have won title after title Leeds have, apart from a brief spell under David O'Leary which ultimately led to their current meltdown, been largely inactive in the challenge for honours. True, they did win the last of the old first division titles in 1992, but they followed that up with a quite dreadful season in which they lingered in the bottom half of the league for most of the campaign. The catalyst for this anymosity in recent times appears to have been the transfer of Eric Cantona to Old Trafford during that troubled season. Cantona went on to become a United legend, and it is this which is most probably still irking Leeds fans as they contemplate losing another player to the bullies from across the Pennines.

Rio Ferdinand's big-money move from Leeds to Manchester didn't help relations either, but whails of foul play reek of hypocrisy in this instance. Few Leeds fans spared a thought for Ferdinand's previous employers, West Ham United, when they captured the England defender from Upton Park back in 2000. Like Leeds, the hole left in the West Ham defence ultimately led to their removal from the Premiership. In addition to this, the short-term memory loss of Leeds fans leads them to forget that they took Johnny Giles and Gordon Strachan from the Old Trafford club in years gone by, both of whom went on to achieve great success at Leeds and become firm crowd favourites.

Like brown footballs with laces in them, rattles and getting in to see your team for a few shillings, player loyalty is a thing of the past. Alan Smith has merely accepted the best offer that has been put to him. While this makes something of a mockery of the crocodile tears he shed at his last game at Elland Road, it is something that the Leeds United fans are going to have to live with. Now, they should concentrate their energies on getting behind their team's bid to get back among the game's elite as quickly as possible. That Manchester United have paid 6 of the 7 million pounds up front is something of a bonus. If what we are led to believe is true, and Leeds have finally sorted out their financial troubles, that amount of money could buy several players of the required standard to challenge for promotion.

Manchester United on the other hand have left themselves with something of a selection headache in bringing Smith to the club. He tirelessly states that he is a front player, and not the wide midfielder that he has been forced to impersonate at times for both Leeds and England. That being the case, Sir Alex Ferguson will do well to fit him in alongside both Louis Saha and the incomparable Ruud Van Nistelrooy. There have been whispers that Van Nistelrooy could be headed for the Old Trafford exit, but that seems unlikely as Sir Alex looks to rebuild. So, could we see an all-new three-pronged Manchester United attack on the opening day of next season? Unlikely. My best guess is that Smith may have to bide his time or, at best, will find himself rotated in and out of the side along with Saha. What also seems certain is that other big names will follow Smith to Manchester as they bid to recapture the title.

If I was a Leeds fan left crying in my beer by Smith's departure, I would be consoling myself with this thought. For every Eric Cantona and Rio Ferdinand, there is a Gordon McQueen and an Arthur Graham.

Stephen Orford
27/05/2004

806: PREMIERSHIP: Who will be Houll

by : Stephen Orford

Whatever the rights and wrongs of Gerard Houllier's dismissal from Anfield, the search is now on to find his successor.

Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry said exactly that at the press conference called to announce Houllier's departure on Monday (May 24). If you believe everything you hear and read in the media, the list of candidates for the job is longer than Roman Abramovich's summer shopping list.

Leading the betting at the moment is Valencia coach Rafael Benitez. Winners of La Liga ahead of the usual suspects of Real Madrid and Barcelona, Valencia also added the UEFA Cup to this season's honours list. However, their 2-0 victory over Marseille in the final was a quite deathly affair, and the last thing Liverpool need right now is another overly defensive foreign coach with no understanding of the club's traditions. On the bright side, the dullness of the win over Marseille may have been born out of the French side's fear of losing, and there have been several more expansive performances from Benitez' side in La Liga this season. Whichever is the real Valencia, Benitez the man remains very much an unknown quantity to most Liverpool fans and the board would do well to apply caution.

Closer to home Alan Curbishley has been suggested also. 'Curbs' has been at Charlton for just about as long as it has taken Liverpool to win another league title, and he could yet be the man to bring the holy grail back to Anfield. His Charlton side play neat, attacking football of the type that would appeal to Liverpool supporters and with the extra resources available to him he could build a formidable side. However, his commitment to Charlton has meant that he has never faced the pressure of a job the size of that currently available at Liverpool and he may want to remain in what is effectively a comfort zone. By moving to Merseyside he would be risking his reputation should he fail, whereas he seems to have a job for life at The Valley should he want it.

Like Curbishley, a man linked with almost every vacant managerial position in the Premiership in recent years is Celtic's Martin O'Neill. The former Leicester City manager arrived at Parkhead at a time when Celtic were struggling to keep pace with their cross-city rivals Rangers, but has turned the situation around to such an extent that the Bhoys now have little realistic opposition domestically. The diminished quality of the SPL may be a factor in persuading O'Neill to leave Glasgow, but he may yet feel he has some unfinished business on the European front. Celtic reached the final of last year's UEFA Cup and were quarter-finalists this season, but it is in the Champions' League that O'Neill would dearly love to make his mark. Celtic came very close this year, missing out narrowly on qualification from the opening group stage after a late and dubious penalty against Lyon. Clearly there is untapped potential, but there are also financial restraints which must continue to frustrate O'Neill. Without a substantial domestic television deal, Scottish clubs will struggle to compete financially with others around Europe, and O'Neill is another who may benefit from a larger transfer pot.

The romantics are already calling for The Return Of The King. Thirteen years after leaving the club in a blaze of publicity, some fans are keen to see Kenny Dalglish to return the club he served with such distinction as both a player and a manager. However, the present circumstances at Liverpool are markedly different from those which Dalglish had to deal with at the time of his appointment as player-manager at Anfield in 1985. Back then, Dalglish was able to inherit the best squad of players in England and little tinkering was needed. He managed to rebuild Liverpool once, adding John Barnes and Peter Beardsley to the squad in 1987, but when asked to repeat the trick the task proved too much for the Anfield legend. Signings such as David Speedie and Jimmy Carter were so un-Liverpool-like it was bewildering, and it should not have been as much of a surprise as it was when he finally succcumbed to the pressure and resigned in 1991. Since then, he used Jack Walker's huge financial muscle to buy the title for Blackburn in 1995 but his record at Newcastle United and later as Director of Football at Celtic leave a lot to be desired. The appointment of Dalglish is more likely to taint his legend than it is to bring back the good times to the ailing giants of English football.

And so to the outsiders. Alarmingly, Gordon Strachan has been mentioned in connection with the job. Again this is possibly the work of the romantics, who like the idea of a fiery Scot with a penchant for the one-liner taking the Anfield hot-seat. Strachan may be Scottish, and his interviews priceless, but that I am afraid is where the similarities with Bill Shankly and Kenny Dalglish end. Lest we forget that this is a manager who suffered relegation with Coventry City and though that seems a far off prospect at Anfield for now, the wrong appopotment could see them sliding down the glass mountain in the manner of a Tottenham Hotspur or a Manchester City. Besides which, Strachan has just taken time out of football to take care of his health and spend time with his family, and is unlikely to welcome the pressure of reviving Liverpool's fortunes next season.

Jose Mourinho is another name that now crops up at times like these. His achievement in getting Porto to the Champions' League final is enormous, but the idea that he is some kind of new-age footballing messiah is bordering on hysteria. His team's are not dissimilar in style from those of Houllier, and it might be best to leave that problem to our friends from West London at Chelsea Football Club.

805: PREMIERSHIP: Crunch summer for

by : Alex Wolstenholme

A number of English football’s biggest clubs face a massive summer of important decisions if they are to keep either their place at the top or even their place in the Premiership.

In the wrong half of the table are two members of the old `big five` clubs that dominated English football both on and off the pitch in the 1980’s, Tottenham and Everton.

Spurs, despite not having a manager in place are probably in a better position than the Merseysiders. Relatively healthy financially, they also have some of the top young players in the country. The appointment of Frank Arnesen is a bold one and means that whoever the new manager is, he will know Arnesen and be prepared to work with him which wasn’t the case with David Pleat.

Despite having one of the best young managers around, Everton face the massive task of finding the funds to allow David Moyes to continue the job he has started at Goodison Park. They ended up perilously close to relegation this year and may lose the likes of Unsworth and Radzinski over the summer. With their ambitions to move to a new ground scuppered Everton face the unenviable decision of maybe having to sell the player who was supposed to be the symbol of a new future in order to prosper.

With finances dictating as never before, both Spurs and Everton face being usurped in the pecking order by ambitious clubs such as Charlton, Southampton and Birmingham who are financially secure and in a position to pay out transfer fees over the summer to attract new players.

At the top end of the table Liverpool are facing up to a new era in their long and illustrious history. Fourth in the table and a good end to the season wasn’t enough to keep Gerard Houllier and now Liverpool have the task of finding a manager to improve on that.

Of all the big clubs in the country, Liverpool is the one that has remained closest to its roots in terms of ownership. The sacking of Houllier and the forthcoming investment from overseas may see this change. Whoever the new manager is, he may find that the Liverpool board is not so patient as in previous years, despite the fact that the top three in the table will be very hard to break into for the next couple of seasons at the very least.

Add to that Chelsea’s search for someone to replace Claudio Ranieri and it promises to be a very interesting summer in the English game!

Alex Wolstenholme
26/05/2004

804: CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Football is

by : Stephen Orford

Just when you were losing faith in football, and resigning yourself to the fact that it is a sport ruled by big bullies with fat wallets, along come FC Porto and AS Monaco to change the picture.

For it is these two supposedly lesser lights, and not the traditional European heavyweights who will be contesting the biggest game in the European club football calendar when they meet in the Champions' League final in Gelsenkirchen, Germany. Both sides would have been long odds against to reach this stage when the season began, but one of them will write a glorious chapter in their history by carrying off the coveted trophy.

History would appear to be on the side of FC Porto. In a former life, before the mass expansion of the Champions' League in recent years, Porto won the 1987 European Cup with a famous victory over Bayern Munich. Monaco on the other hand are entering unchartered waters with their first appearance in the final. They will be looking to go one better than their compatriots from Marseille, who lost out in last week's UEFA Cup final to Valencia.

In more recent times Porto triumphed in last season's UEFA Cup final when they saw off the challenge of Celtic in Seville. This is an experience that could give them an edge when the big game kicks off, but it is hard to see an overwhelming favourite for the contest. Both teams are well-drilled, disciplined outfits with Monaco perhaps having a slight edge in the flair department. However, the prettiest teams don't always take the prize and Porto have creativity in abundance when they break out of defensive mode. Between them, they have removed the likes of Chelsea, Real Madrid, Manchester United and Deportivo La Coruna from the competition and whoever comes out on top will deserve to be crowned kings of European club football for 2003/04.

The two managers are contrasting but interesting. Ever since their victory over Manchester United in the last 16 Porto boss Jose Mourinho has come from nowhere to be linked with every managerial job in European football. Some still insist he is likely to become the new man in charge at Chelsea, but he may be unwise to leave his post at an obviously harmonious club like Porto to take charge of the assortment of massive egos at Stamford Bridge. Tactically he seems a little too defensive to appease the Chelsea fans, with his Porto team currently relying on good defensive shape to achieve results. Their outlets come in the shape of Brazilian-born Portuguese national Deco and his main accomplice Derlei. Beyond that, the Monaco defence should not have too many sleepless nights but that alone may be enough to unlock the door to victory.

Opposite Mourinho is former Chelsea midfielder Didier Deschamps. World Cup winning water-carrier Deschamps has led Monaco with a slightly more attacking approach, even seeing his side smash eight goals past Deportivo in an astonishing group game early in the competition. Their main man is on-loan front man and Spanish international Fernando Morientes. When he is not being comically linked to a move to Tottenham, Morientes is busy firing in the Champions' League goals which not only accounted for his full-time employers at Real Madrid, but also for Chelsea. Assisting him in the striking department are Croation Dado Prso, who mystifyingly has agreed to leave the Champions' League finalists for wet Wednesday's in Inverness with Rangers next season, and Ludovic Giuly. The latter may have a girl's name, but has been an integral part of Monaco's run to the biggest game in their history.

Come prediction time things get tricky. Finals of this magnitude are rarely goal-fests, a fact which could help Porto's cause. Add this to their European experience last year and they could just sneak a win. Sticking my neck on the block, I would go for a narrow Porto victory.

Verdict: Monaco 1 Porto 2 (if only because I don't want to put you all off watching the game by predicting a 1-0 which might have been a more astute prediction).

Stephen Orford
25/05/2004

803: PREMIERSHIP: Houllier's remova

by : Stephen Orford

It was with little surprise but great relief that I received the news that Gerard Houllier had been removed from the Anfield hot-seat this Monday (May 24).

After six years in charge it became evident that the Frenchman would never capture the Premiership title craved by the Liverpool fans. Unfortunately for Houllier, this has become the minimum requirement for any Liverpool manager over the years. A continued failure to deliver that cherished prize was always going to lead to his downfall.

Houllier cannot even point to a series of near misses and hard luck stories as mitigation for this glaring omission from the Anfield trophy cabinet. Finishing around 30 points behind the admittedly all-conquering Arsenal showed just how far the club had fallen under his guidance. Their chances of winning their first title since 1990 were all but over by November and that, added to the fact that the team was serving up some of the dullest football in living memory at Anfield, left Houllier's position untenable. Liverpool is a club that prides itself on its commitment to simple, attractive football. However, Houllier's motto was not so much pass and move as kick and rush as the men in red became almost unrecognisable from their predecessors in terms of their style of play.

Thankfully, we are living in an era in which such unadulterated tedium cannot possibly prosper. Since Liverpool last ruled the roost, the title has been carried off by teams who are fully committed to attacking football. While Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger packed their squads with skillfull, pacy players of some flair, Houllier continued to rely on a safety-first, counter-attacking brand of football that often came close to bringing the game into disrepute.

Notwithstanding this, the harsh facts are that the former French Technical Director has assembled a squad that is utterly incapable of winning the championship, regardless of the style of play. Much has been made about the sheer incompetence of some of his signings, with players such as Cheyrou, Diouff, Diao, Traore and Biscan proving that they fall some way short of the required quality. In addition to this, much of the British talent at the club was moved on as Houllier tried to convince us that there was another, better way. He couldn't even find it in his heart to retain the jewel in the Anfield crown, Robbie Fowler, who had been nothing short of a goal-machine before the arrival of Monsieur Houllier.

The last rites on Houllier's reign were read when he all but admitted that he had little or no respect for the traditions and values that had served the club so well over the years. Clearly feeling the pinch, he gave a press conference just before the last league game of the season against Newcastle United in which he made it clear that there would never be a return to the "60's and 70's culture" under his stewardship. And therein lies the problem.

Instead of accepting his role in the continuity of the club's success, Houllier wanted to be a revolutionary. Like some kind of demented dictator, he felt that he could lead the club back to glory his own way. In the end a coup was inevitable. Now, the race is on to replace Houllier in what is still one of the top jobs in football. The Liverpool board, when they are not selling the club to Thai businessmen or pumping billions into an academy that they don't seem prepared to use, must choose carefully before making the next appointment. Hopefully this can be done quickly, without the need for a Tottenham-esque period of manager-less uncertainty.

The new man would do well to employ his own coaching staff. Phil Thompson must now follow Houllier out of the exit and not, as has been touted in some quarters, be considered as a replacement in the top job. Thompson is no more a football coach than I am a wheelchair high-jumper, and his main talent appears to be the ability to shout at terrified players in order to prevent them from expressing themselves on the field of play.

Whichever way you look at the situation at the moment it is another fine mess that the previous coaching duo have got the club into. Anybody preparing to make any bets on Liverpool to win the championship in the next three years should keep their money firmly in their pocket as the new man will need time to bed in and shape his own team.

Still, a three-year wait doesn't seem too bad when you compare it to the lifetime it would have taken Gerard Houllier to win the title.

Stephen Orford
25/05/2004

801: PREMIERSHIP: Liverpool’s next

by : Chris Sherrard

Now that Liverpool have bowed to the inevitable and dispensed of the services of Gerard Houllier, the search is on for his replacement.

The Frenchman won the club trophies but his inability to seize the Premiership title from the collectively impenetrable grip of Manchester United and Arsenal – two of Liverpool’s oldest and fiercest rivals – has ultimately led to his downfall. It’s a good point that if he had not been struck down by serious ill health, Houllier may well have continued their rise to the very top of the league. That his chance to bring the league glory back to Anfield had came and went has been evident for quite a while now.

To replace Houllier, and to achieve the ultimate Liverpudlian ambition of clinching the title once more, the Anfield board must think long and hard about who will be the new manager. The club is so massive and so synonmous with greatness and glory, that their next manager must be aware of the traditions and expectations which surround and often engulf the club.

There will be no shortage of men thinking they are right for the job but only a handful, in my opinion, have that extra ingredient which marks out a Liverpool manager form other football bosses.

Heading the Liverpool board’s wish list will, almost certainly, be Martin O’Neill. Not for no good reason is he one of the most coveted managers in football. He has transformed every side he has been in charge of into a relatively successful one. For a small club like Leicester City any success was remarkable. Not only did O’Neill stabilize their place in the top flight of English football but he also brought cup glory to the previously barren Filbert Street trophy room. At Celtic, O’Neill has went that extra yard and then some. League championships, Cup wins, Champions League victories and runs to the final and quarter-final of the UEFA Cup have got the Parkhead faithful understandably worshipping the ground the Irishman treads.

If it was as simple as it seems, Liverpool would have no problem tempting O’Neill back to English football with the task of restoring The Reds’ once mighty reputation at home and abroad. It is the type of challenge he would ordinarily accept but his love, affinity and passion for Celtic and their supporters make it a significant wrench to leave the ground referred to by Celtic fans – of which he is one – as Paradise. The Kenny Dalgiesh factor which is being talked about at Anfield may well play a big part in whether O’Neill makes his way back south.

If Liverpool can’t get O’Neill, they should switch their sites closer to home and that means down at The Valley where manager Alan Curbishley has forged an impressive reputation whilst in charge of an unfashionable Charlton Athletic side. Like O’Neill, Curbishley has got his side playing for him as much as anything else and commands a great deal of respect from his staff and fans. He too, having grown up with the traditions and successes of Liverpool through the 70s and 80s, will be aware of what is needed at Anfield. And after spending, in football terms, a long time with Charlton, the natural time for a new challenge could well be now. Question marks may hover over his lack of experience bossing with a big club but that shouldn’t hold Liverpool back from appointing him if O’Neill isn’t available.

Outside of Martin O’Neill and Alan Curbishly the Anfield board will be looking at countless other candidates, desperate for their next manager to be the one who brings them the title. Across Europe, men like Mourinho, Rafael Benitez, Otmar Hitzfeld and Marcelo Lippi will be added to a shortlist which may well already contain Claudio Ranieri. A lot of pondering, agonising and decision-making will already be underway in the corridors and meeting-rooms at Anfield.

Liverpool can not afford to get their next managerial appointment wrong.

Chris Sherrard
24/05/2004

802: PREMIERSHIP: Gerard Houllier j

by : Steve Heald

After a couple of seasons where Liverpool have under-performed to an appallingly poor level Gerard Houllier finally bit the bullet. The
Liverpool chairman David Moores attempted to shield him for an admirably long period in the hope results improved and success followed, but inevitably the support could go on for no longer. Houllier’s record over the last couple didn’t deserve the faith received from the Liverpool chairman when you consider the amount of money Houllier has wasted attempting to buy success.

So where did it go wrong for the French man? He took over from the joint stewardship he held with Roy Evans in 1998 when the Liverpool board realised that the pairing were not the new Clough and Taylor more so Laurel and Hardy as the club lurched to embarrassing defeats with the realisation that the core of the club, the legendary ‘Spice Boys’, were all glamour rather than substance, prepared to party rather than work on the pitch.

Houllier became a solitary leader and was able to inject his ideas directly and immediately. In securing a reliable number 2 in Phil Thompson, a man who appeared on the Frenchmans wavelength, Liverpool regrouped and Houllier was given time to build a side that could challenge for domestic honours.

Initially the ends justified the means. A negative approach gained no new friends but a great deal of understanding. Liverpool had previously been sloppy and unreliable, now they were hard to beat but offered little flair.

Houllier demanded time as he built from the back and seemingly prepared the first part of his plan. Defensive consistency would be backed up with invention and flair, or to put it in perspective Liverpool could emulate Man United and Arsenal who already demonstrated both faculties in their game, enabling both to dominate the Premiership since it’s inception. The signing of Sammi Hyppia was probably Houlliers finest. The man was the rock Houlliers defensive masterplan hinged upon. Ably assisted by Stephane
Henchoz Liverpool had the platform that sowed the seeds of optimism.

2001 was the year everyone believed in Liverpool. Three knockout trophy wins and securing a Champions League place for the first time ensured the red half of the City Houllier was going to lead the club back along the road to glory. Whilst still embarking on the negative route to success it seemed Liverpool were showing attacking green shoots. Heskey and Owen were scoring goals, backed up by the fast learning Danny Murphy. It seemed only a matter of time before Houllier developed the side to thrust for a Premiership trophy.

Yet still we wait. Three years on from the fantastic spring of 2001
Liverpool have regressed at an alarming rate. The defensive duo of
Hyppia/Henchoz has been disturbed by injuries and neither are any younger; the midfield looks one dimensional and doesn’t have creativity; up front Heskey lumbers and Owen struggles with injury. Big names have been signed and failed to produce, Harry Kewell’s first season being a prime example of player failing to show any of the form he had previously still managed to show performing for a struggling Leeds United.

The writing has been on wall this season. The 2003/4 season has been one of the worst in terms of quality since the Premiership began. A half decent Liverpool side would have tied 4th spot down with games to spare. Unfortunately after the top 3 the gap in quality between 4th and 20th is minimal. After all the money Houllier has spent to say his team is not much better than Leicester City is a side indictment of his overall tenure at the club.

Steve Heald
24/05/2004

800: PREMIERSHIP: Houllier leaves d

by : James Prentice

Liverpool supporters and unbiased observers cannot claim that Grard Houllier’s departure as manager came as a shock. While it seemed that the Frenchman had bought himself some time when the Reds guaranteed a Champions’ League spot for another season, his failure to restore the club to its former glory has ultimately been his downfall.

To his credit, Houllier has won the UEFA Cup and the League and FA Cups for the Merseyside club and has brought silverware back to Anfield after many barren seasons. But because he has not been able to live up to the standards expected by such a great club, the former France manager has been the victim of the past achievements of such greats as Joe Fagan, Bill Shankly, Bob Paisley and Kenny Dalglish.

Realistically, Houllier’s departure has been on the cards for some time. His well-publicised heart problems of 2001 stole so much of the drive and zest for the game that Houllier possessed. Maybe his illness put football into perspective and made him realise that there are more important things in life than the Beautiful Game. But Houllier’s sickness sapped his energy sources and for a long time he looked like a drained, weary man, and he has never properly recovered.

Aside from his health dilemmas, Houllier has spent an astronomical £120 million on players that have not come close to winning two of the biggest competitions in club football – the Premiership and the Champions’ League. Somebody had to pay the price for years of failiure to challenge for those major honours and the blame has eventually landed squarely on the shoulders of the Frenchman.

The big question being asked now is: who will become the new Liverpool manager? It has to be someone with a proven track record; personality; and excellent man-management capability. The man for Liverpool is none other than Celtic’s Martin O’Neill.

New brooms tend to sweep clean, and new regime could spur Liverpool’s players on to achieving what their forefathers did. O’Neill would be more of a cyclone if he is appointed to the Anfield hot seat, as his CV demonstrates.

Celtic were a club in utter disarray before O’Neill arrived in Parkhead in 2000. The Northern Irishman bought the players he wanted, moulded them into a team within weeks and motivated them to the point of spontaneous human combustion. Within a year, O’Neill was the manager of the best team in Scotland, and added to his first triumph, he has won the league twice in addition to several assorted cups, and took a team of relative unknowns and failures to the UEFA Cup final, where they were unlucky to lose to FC Porto.

O’Neill has proved that he can manage a club of Liverpool’s size with his successes at Celtic. The only question that remains unanswered is whether his autocratic management style would be tolerated by world class players.
Liverpool’s supporters are not unanimous over O’Neill’s appointment as manager, and there are other big names being linked with the vacancy at Anfield. But the appointment of the former Nottingham Forest player would be the best thing that has happened to Liverpool since the 1980s. He does not tolerate failure and demands that players give their all for victory in every challenge they face. Anybody who dares to cross him will be having their income topped-up with Social Security benefits come Monday morning, as Eyal Berkovic found to his cost and Reds fans would, like supporters of Celtic and Leicester did, warm to O’Neill’s style rather quickly, because he demands, and always seems to deliver, instant success.

O’Neill is every bit Brian Clough’s star pupil. People didn’t believe that ‘Old Big ‘ed’ could mastermind the attainments he did at Forest, and like O’Neill, revelled in playing the underdog. And given the backing of the board and a few quid in his transfer budget, O’Neill’s achievements will be just as good as – if not better than – his master’s.

James Prentice
24/05/2004

799: PREMIERSHIP: Gerard Houllier w

by : Antony Melvin

People quickly forget just how good a manager Gerard Houllier was and how far he was taking Liverpool before he had his well publicised heart problems in October 2001. Looking back it seems clear that the heart attack he suffered after that match against Leeds was the turning point in his tenure. He hasn’t been the same since and Liverpool have gone backwards.

Houllier arrived at Liverpool in August 1998, a little late to shape the key pre-season period for Liverpool. He was initially installed as a joint manager with the existing incumbent – Roy Evans. Houllier took sole charge on 12 November 1998, after Evans’ position became untenable. Houllier was being praised for everything that went right and Evans was being blamed for everything that went wrong. In four seasons Roy Evans had led Liverpool to consecutive top four finishes, playing attractive passing football – it wasn’t considered good enough.

Houllier took the team he inherited to an eventual 7th place with 54 points, a season he still does not accept should be part of his managerial record. 1999/2000 was his first full season in charge. The team improved and Liverpool were back up to fourth finishing with 67 points. The upward curve continued in 2000/1 with a third place finish in the league and 69 point to go with an FA Cup, UEFA Cup and League Cup for a pretty special season.

Hopes were high for 2001/2 and Liverpool were many pundits tip for the title. And the team did well despite the loss of the manager. Any team can general get by on auto-pilot for a few months and his ideas and tactical plans were used in his absence to push Liverpool to within ‘10 games from greatness’. Second place and 80 points surely pointed to an imminent championship.

But the Houllier that returned was more withdrawn and introspective. Excuses and tantrums were replacing the easy going nature of the Frenchman. He was being noticed more for his holidays during the season than for his dedication to a stressful and exacting profession.

In the two full seasons since Houllier returned to coaching Liverpool have got 60 points (finishing a distant fourth) in the season just finished, and 64 points and a fifth place finish in 2002/3.

So the upward curve that was so evident in 2001 was rudely curtailed by Houllier’s health. The team was still able to get by on auto-pilot for much of 2002 – even being top in November 2002, but since then the team has slipped and drifted.

The stats are simple 54-67-69-80-64-60 is a points sequence where there is a clear peak before a return to mediocrity. Houllier has clearly taken Liverpool as far as he can.

So as the whispering game continues at Anfield; it is clear that Houllier will now be sacked if there is a reasonable alternative available. A sad end to a tenure that in the summer of 2001 was probably on the brink of winning the title for Liverpool – only for an act of God to intervene. Liverpool fans would do well to remember this when Houllier leaves sometime this week.

Antony Melvin
24/05/2004

798: NATIONWIDE: QPR prove that the

by : James Prentice

Administration – a word that has become commonplace in our game, especially after the ‘football crash’, which meant that clubs would have to restructure their finances or face closure.

While the dreaded word has been the source of nightmares for chairmen and supporters alike, it does have its good side, as it gives clubs the chance to take a reality check, wipe the slate clean and slowly but surely progress back up the road to solvency.

Queens Park Rangers are a club that was hit hard by the realisation that football was living beyond its means. Not only did they have to rearrange their squad to prevent further decline after relegation to the Nationwide Second Division in 2000, they had to find some way of satisfying the bank manager as a hole left by years of overspending threatened to swallow them up.

The west London club – like others that have had to cope with the pressures administration inevitably brings – found that the best cure for their problems on and off the pitch was to face them head-on and fight.

The Rs appointed Ian Holloway just before their slide into the Second Division, a former player and a man who holds a great deal of affection for the Loftus Road club. Holloway fully supported the administrators’ vastly reduced budgets and swore that his players would sweat blood and tears to get QPR out of the mess they were in.

After the club were promoted back to the First Division on Sunday May 9 with a 2-1 win at Sheffield Wednesday, it was clear that Holloway’s battle plan had worked, and now that QPR are back in the semi-Big Time, they can look towards consolidating on their position before looking towards progressing further. The joy of the faces of the players, management and supporters after winning promotion was overwhelming even for neutrals. It was fulfilling to see a club that has battled against adversity for so long finally get back to where they believe they rightly belong.

While QPR still need to show financial prudence to prevent themselves sliding back into obscurity, there is no reason why they cannot achieve a good position in Division One next season. They have some talented players within their ranks – including superfan Marc Bircham, who said he would be ‘drunk for a week’ after the Rs were promoted – and if they can keep the spine of the team together and attract others whose ability is proven at Division One level, they could well continue their progression. And with a new owner who is prepared to invest large sums of money in the club, it would not be unrealistic to see them back in the Premier League in years to come.

James Prentice
12/05/2004

796: Premiership managers brawl: Ar

by : Colin Illingworth

Martin Tyler: Welcome to Highbury, the home of the Premier League champions and the unbeatable Arsenal, for the final quarterfinal brawl between the Gallic genius Arsene Wenger and the Scottish savage Graeme Souness. The season may all but be over but this competition is going to run until we have one man left standing who will be crowned the undisputed Premiership Managers champion of champions. Tonight though blood will definitely be shed but whose? Wenger’s or Souness’s? Stick with us and all will be revealed. With me as always is the former Villa and Wolves legend …
Andy: And star commentator…
Martin: Don’t get too bigheaded son… Andy Gray!
Andy: Hello fight fans. Well this is not going to be one for the purists, not with the Scottish savage Souness in town. It’s almost like his entire playing career was geared towards his competition.
Martin: And he’s not impartial to a bit of in fighting within his own camp. Yorke, Cole, and David Dunn have all fallen out with him and Andy Todd has just left Blackburn because of him.
Andy: He’d start a fight with his own shadow that boy but what about Arsene Wenger.
Martin: What about him?
Andy: Well he’s just guided the Gunners to the Premiership title without losing a single league game all season… 38 games unbeaten…
Martin: A record that is unlikely to ever be repeated again.
Andy: Exactly.
Martin: And they were unlucky not to be collecting the elusive treble.
Andy: Yeah ok give me a minute!
Martin: Ok.
Andy: Right, well, surely he won’t want to go out today and greet the Grim Reaper.
Martin: Well nobody does but the nature of this game is that somebody will and big old GR isn’t too bothered who fills his vacancy.
Andy: We’re that close to the semi finals you can smell the decaying corpses from here.
Martin: Oh that’s not that … I’ve just let one go!
Andy: You’re a blinking disgrace Mr Tyler.
Martin: Well, swiftly moving on, let’s not forget who Wenger or Souness could be facing in the semi finals. There waiting in the wings is Claudio Ranieri, Sam Allardyce and Alex Ferguson.
Andy: It’s definitely a fearsome group and nobody is going to get an easy ride.
Martin: Anyway let’s talk money.
Andy: I don’t like the way I mention easy ride and you mention money!
Martin: I’m trying to move the show on and talk about the betting on this brawl.
Andy: Oh right. Well the bookies have surprisingly placed Souness as favourite for this one.
Martin: You what? They’ve put their neck on the line there.
Andy: Apparently Souness has a total disregard for life and that he won’t be afraid to put his own life on the line to get the job done.
Martin: Yeah maybe so but Wenger is a tactical technician. For Souness to get the job done he has to get to grips with Arsene and I don’t think he could even catch him. Do you not remember the way he destroyed North London rival David Pleat? He wiped the floor with him.
Andy: Yeah but Souness had a much tougher test when he was paired up against fellow Scot and Everton boss David Moyes. With the help from a few of his Old Firm buddies Souey did the business.
Martin: Yeah but I find it hard to believe they’ve got Souey as favourite.
Andy: Well he is … 1/3 and Wenger’s 2/1. Surely worth a punt in anybody’s book.
Martin: Definitely.
Andy: But if you want to look at more money spinning tips then go no further than these. Thierry Henry is in the building and if you think he will become involved and lead Souness a merry dance with his quick feet you’ll get generous odds of 5/1. If you think there’s a chance that Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke will come down and throw a few punches you’ll get of 11/1 and a huge long shot at 100/1 is for Muhammad Ali to show up.
Martin: Why would Muhammad Ali show up here?
Andy: I don’t know. Why would people bet on a white Christmas in this country? You know it’s never going to happen but there’s always a slight possibility.
Martin: Yeah guess you’re right. Put a quid on it for me. Anyway the fighters are pumped up backstage so lets head down to ringside for the all-important introductions.

792: FA CUP: FA Cup Final 2003/4 pr

by : Stephen Orford

After a disappointing season by their own glittering standards, those bastions of FA Cup tradition Manchester United start as heavy favourites to win Saturday's FA Cup Final in Cardiff, thus salvaging their season. It is ironic that the club who opted not to enter the competition at all in 2000 when it was perceived that they had bigger fish to fry, are now depending on the famous old trophy to give their fans something to cheer about over the summer.

The reason for Manchester United's almost unanimous backing at the bookmakers is that they face lower division opposition in the final in the shape of Millwall. Not since 1992, when Sunderland took on Liverpool has a team from outside the top division contested the FA Cup Final. Then, the Wearsiders fell short of their task as they went down 2-0, leaving West Ham as the last non-top flight team to actually win the trophy when they beat Arsenal 1-0 in 1980.

Though nobody seems to be putting any money on it, the FA Cup always has and always will throw up shocks of the kind that will be required if Millwall are to lift the coveted trophy. Perhaps the best inspiration that Millwall can draw is from the exploits of Wimbledon Football Club in the 1988 final. As with Sunderland in 1992, it was Liverpool providing the opposition and again the Anfield club were expected to crush their tiny rivals like a bug. That it did not come to pass had much to do with the man who will be leading Millwall in their bid to make history in 2004.

Millwall manager Dennis Wise, still an important player for the Nationwide outfit, was but a young cheeky chappie when he helped guide Wimbledon to that famous 1-0 triumph in 1988, and it will take a similar if not greater effort to upset Manchester United this time around. Wise the player is currently struggling for fitness, and has been to Italy in the build up to this week's final in a bid to recover from a knee injury. He has been seeing the same specialist who helped him recover from injury in time to appear in Chelsea's Cup Winners' Cup final victory against Stuttgart in 1998, and he will be hoping that the doc can repeat the trick.

Should he fail Millwall's task will be even more difficult, particularly with the news that Roy Keane looks set to make a post-war record sixth appearance in the FA Cup Final after recovering from injury. This will eclipse even the five that Wise will have accrued should he play, but more importantly will provide a much needed boost for United's inconsistent midfield. His sheer presence alone may be enough to intimidate the inexperienced Tim Cahill in midfield, and without Wise in their ranks Millwall may be over-run entirely in that area.

In fact, everywhere you look on the field United should have too much for their opponents. With stars like Giggs, Scholes and Van Nistelrooy all set to appear, and all desperate for a trophy to make up for a barren season, United could put on a clinic if they perform to their maximum potential. The trouble with that theory of course is that cup finals are rarely stages on which maximum potential is reached.

United's free-flowing style of football will be even more difficult to produce on the big stage merely because of the sheer desperation of the Millwall players on the day. They may be outclassed, but they will battle for every ball as if their lives depend on it. Much has been made on United's hunger to make up for missing out on the title, but it pales into insignificance when compared to Millwall's need. They are unlikely to play a game of this magnitude for many years to come, whereas there is every chance that United will challenge again for arguably bigger honours next season. This should just about provide the Lions with the greater motivation on the day, but whether motivation alone will be enough to carry them past classy opponents remains to be seen.

So, we can look forward to another David and Goliath confrontation in a competition which specialises in throwing up such events. Though the result should be a foregone conclusion, the unpredictability of the FA Cup prevents me from making a prediction with any confidence. However, United should just have too much for Dennis Wise's men and will probably lift the trophy for the first time in five years.

Verdict: Manchester United 3 Millwall 1

Stephen Orford
19/05/2004

797: PREMIERSHIP: Squarefootball pr

by : Chris Sherrard

Ring announcer: Ladies and gentlemen … It’s ssshhhoooowwtttiiimmeee … Let’s get reaaaaaaadddddyyyyyy to rrrrrruuuuuuummmmbbbbllllee!
The sold out Highbury crowd roar in anticipation.
Ring announcer: Introducing first, representing the Champions Arsenal, hailing from France, wearing the red home strip, weighing in at a slim 10 stones seven pounds, and standing 6ft tall, it’s the one the only ‘Mr Perfect’ Aaaarrrssseeennnneeee Weeeeennngggeerrr.
The Highbury crowd roar as their boss emerges from behind the curtain and makes his way down to the ring as Robbie Williams ‘Let me Entertain You’ booms out of the PA system.
Andy: What a reception for, who some believe is, the greatest Arsenal manager ever.
Ring announcer: And introducing his challenger representing Blackburn Rovers, the only team outside Arsenal and Manchester United to have won the Premiership title, hailing from North of the Border, and wearing the blue and white of Blackburn Rovers, weighing in at a lean 12 stones and standing tall at 5ft 10 it’s the ‘Scottish Savage’ Gggrrrraaaeemmee Sssooooouuunnneessss.
Souness storms down to the ring with a face of thunder as the Highbury crowd roundly boo the Scottish Savage as Tina Turner’s classic ‘Simply The Best’ fills the stadium.
Andy: Did Souey ever play for Spurs?
Martin: No I don’t think so, why?
Andy: Well listening to that reception the Gunners fans have just given him you would have thought David Pleat had just walked out.
Martin: Well that would be a miracle seeing as Arsene knocked him off in the last round!
Andy: Oh yeah I forgot but you knew what I meant.
Martin: Bizarrely enough I did. Anyway, both men are in the ring and they look well up for this …
Andy: And there’s the bell, woah!
Souness has pounced on Wenger like Henry onto a loose ball and ripped his shirt from his back thanks to his long sharp fingernails.
Martin: My word! Wenger is almost topless and what a rippled body he has especially for a man of his age.
The girls in the audience begin wolf whistling the Frenchman as he tears off the rest of his shirt himself.
Andy: Not only has he guided Arsenal to the Premier League title but he has a body Peter Andre would be proud of.
Martin: Yeah, but that doesn’t matter if Souey continues his assault. Look at the size of his nails! That could rip through Wenger’s chest like a knife through butter.
Andy: Are you sure it isn’t Freddy Krueger? Those nails are like razor blades!
Souness grins like a demented mad man and Wenger puffs out his chest defiantly.
Martin: These two are going to clash like two juggernauts.
Souness then throws himself on Wenger and unleashes a series of devastating left and rights to his face. Suddenly Thierry Henry dashes down to the ring with a stack of A4 paper.
Andy: What on earth is this all about? I don’t think some paper is going to save your boss.
Thierry winks at Andy.
Martin: Either he’s got a plan under his sleeve or he fancies you!
Henry lays down the paper in the corner of the ring, climbs in, and dances around Souness leaving him with stars circling his head. Wenger crawls to the corner and starts folding up some sheets of paper.
Andy: What is going on?
Martin: Oh no. It’s all become clear now.
Andy: What has?
Martin: Think about it. Wenger spent a couple of years in Japan and now he’s busy folding paper…
Andy: Ohhhh. He’s learnt karaoke!
Martin: No you stupid fool. Origami, not karaoke!
Andy: Well it all sounds the same to me.
Martin: Remind me not to put your name forward for race relations in Iraq! Oh no… look what he’s made!
Andy: Lennox Lewis!!! Nah it can’t be. It is. Lennox Lewis is here. Unbelievable.
The paper made Lennox Lewis turns around and begins knocking seven bells out of the former Liverpool captain.
Martin: I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this before in my entire PMB career.
Souness is busted open and is only standing as the ropes are holding him up. Souness starts delving into his trouser pocket.
Andy: What is he doing? This is a family programme! Well I suppose if you’re going to go you might as well have a final feel!
The Blackburn boss pulls out a lighter much to the shock of Lewis and Wenger.
Martin: What’s he going to do?
Andy: I think we’re going to be witnesses to a cremation.
Souness flicks the wheel of his lighter and throws it at Lewis who immediately goes up in flames to the disbelief of the Highbury crowd.
Andy: Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
Martin: The temperature’s gone through the roof and Souey wants to tear somebody’s head off.
Andy: And Wenger right in the firing line.
Wenger frantically starts shuffling around with some sheets of paper and the crowd gasp as he unleashes his latest creation… Iron Mike Tyson!
Martin: Oh my word! It doesn’t get any easier for Souness. Iron Mike Tyson… Souness doesn’t stand a chance.
Souness stands back as Iron Mike begins shadow boxing in front of a grinning Wenger and Henry. The Blackburn boss rubs his hands and gallantly throws himself at the former heavyweight champion of the world.
Andy: That’s my boy. Don’t let us Scots down!
Souness delivers a couple of hard body shots to Iron Mike’s midriff but to no effect. Iron Mike stands there with his goofy grin before picking Souness up by his neck and punching him into the turnbuckle.
Wenger: Go on Mike, finish him!
Souness falls out of the ring as Iron Mike taunts the Scotsman. Souness crawls under the ring and pulls out a metal bucket.
Martin: What’s in that?
Andy: I have no idea. I just hope Graeme knows what he’s doing or he’ll be dead sooner than he thinks.
Iron Mike pops his head through the ring ropes when Souness throws the bucket at Tyson and drenches him.
Martin: Water! It’s obvious now isn’t it? Water turns paper soggy. Even I could batter a soggy Tyson.
Andy: Do you want to prove that?
Martin: Nah I’ll let Souness have his moment of glory if you don’t mind.
Andy: Chicken!
Tyson begins folding up on to the floor as Souness gets to his feet and tears him apart into tiny shreds.
Martin: Look at Wenger and Henry. They’re having kittens… no not literately!
Andy: Well Souness is like something out of a horror movie.
Martin: He doesn’t look that bad!
Andy: I don’t mean it that way. It’s the way he can overcome anything. It’s scary!
Wenger grabs some sheets and frantically starts folding away. The crowd scream in amazement.
Andy: What’s going on now? Oh no…
Martin: I wouldn’t believe this if I weren’t here in the flesh. Wenger has produced a classic Muhammad Ali!!! Ali’s in the house.
Highbury turns white as the camera flashes fill the stadium in a bid to catch this moment on film.
Souness rolls under the bottom rope, oblivious to Wenger’s latest creation, and stands up to face a dazzling Muhammad Ali in his prime. Souness falls to the ground as Ali dances around the former Rangers player manager and mocks him.
Andy: Stay down Graeme. It’s the safest option.
Martin: What’s happened to the ‘down let us Scots down?’
Andy: Ah to hell with that. This is Muhammad Ali. The guy is a human killing machine. Stay down!
Martin: I don’t think Ali will let him off that easily.
Ali picks Souness up and playfully shadow boxes around him to the laughter of the sell out crowd.
Martin: Ali looks in terrific form and has this audience eating out of the palm of his hand.
Ali suddenly unleashes a ferocious assault that leaves Souness flying through the air and out of the Highbury stadium.
Andy: It’s been nice knowing you Graeme!
Martin: Souness is out. Wenger with the help of his origami skills has progressed to the semi-finals.
Wenger then, without throwing a single punch, stands up and, with Henry in tow, greets Ali and they stand in the middle of the ring with their arms raised aloft victoriously.
Martin: So, the semi-final line up has been completed. Allardyce, Ferguson, Ranieri and now Arsene Wenger. Wenger wants to get his hands on Ranieri …
Andy: And earlier on this season he told us how he’d love to get his hands on his old adversary Ferguson…
Andy: Well he could just get what he wished for. Find out just who will be facing who soon when the draw will be made live and exclusively only on www.squarefootball.net TV.
Andy: Until then fight fans take care of yourself … and each other!

Colin Illingworth
20/05/2004We at squarefootball could appear to be an all-knowing bunch sometimes so it must be reassuring for you, our faithful and fulfilled readers, to know that even we get it wrong on occasion. It’s not very often that we’d admit to it, but some writers among us have a lot to answer for, based on their pre-season predictions of what the final Premiership table would look like. Did we really envisage Liverpool taking the title and Everton bagging a European spot? You better believe it.

Take, for example, Antony Melvin (please?). Here’s a man who clearly knows a thing or two about the beautiful game but for some reason, be it the wistful exuberance of a bevvied-up August evening or a deeply romantic notion of the game, he predicted Gerard Houllier’s troop of misfiring foreigners would top the table and send the Liverpool staff scuttling off for tins of Mr Sheen. The general consensus among us was that The Reds would finish fifth with Dave Goodham taking bonus points for placing them in their eventual finishing position of fourth.

Incredibly, Dave was the only one among us to foresee Wenger’s Arsenal taking the title, everyone else had them second or third behind Manchester United, Chelsea or both, while, it must be said, Antony had The Gunners fifth. Steven Orford, meanwhile, thought Bobby Robson’s men would have kicked on another level from last season’s third place finish as he had the Geordies second.

But surely there were some spot-on predictions? Well, of course. Dave (again?) thought Newcastle would fail to build and finish fifth while I take great delight in pointing to my prediction that Aston Villa would be reborn and claim sixth and Birmingham City would climb into the top-half of the table. To give Ashley Michael some credit, he did go against the grain by predicting Charlton would not sink like a proverbial stone while Antony’s guesswork did yield some joy with a spot-on prediction of Middlesbrough’s eleventh place finish.

At the bottom of the table, like with the champions’ predictions, something went wrong. For, while everyone bar Dave had Wolves to go straight back from whence they came and all but Ashley and Antony had Leicester nailed on for the drop, no-one thought Leeds United would fall thorugh the trap door. In fact, mentioning no names (Dave Goodham), someone even had them down for a top-half finish. The other relegation fodder according to us were to be either Bolton (Antony), Portsmouth (Ashley and Duncan Collingwood) or Fulham (everyone except Duncan).

Spurs fans would have loved it if Antony’s prediction of just one place separating them from their rivals Arsenal in fifth and sixth had came true instead of the 13 spots which eventually divided them. Other forecasts which went astray, of which we are neither proud nor happy, include Ashley’s Blackburn for the top-six, Steven and mine’s Manchester City for top-seven and Garry Newton’s Everton for Europe predictions. Yes, you read them right.

The great thing about being wrong about football is that sooner or later you get another chance to prove it was nothing but a blip. And if you blip again, you can point to bad fortune and say no more about it. We don’t claim to be right all the time, that would be foolish given the fact I have just highlighted multiple occasions in which we have got it wrong. But at least we keep bookmakers in a job and their children in clothes. So next time you see Antony Melvin predicting your side will be relegated, fear not, for the chances are they will be challenging for a Champions League spot instead.

Pre-season predictions (average of 7 writers)
1. Manchester United (actual 3)
2. Arsenal (1)
3. Chelsea (2)
4. Newcastle United (5)
5. Liverpool (4)
6. Blackburn Rovers (15)
7. Everton (17)
8. Aston Villa (6)
9. Manchester City (16)
10. Tottenham Hotspur (14)
11. Southampton (12)
12. Middlesbrough (11)
13. Charlton Athletic (7)
14. Birmingham City (10)
15. Leeds United (19)
16. Portsmouth (13)
17. Bolton Wanderers (8)
18. Fulham (9)
19. Wolverhampton Wanderers (20)
20. Leicester City (18)

Chris Sherrard
20/05/2004

795: PREMIERSHIP: Chelsea fans woul

by : Colin Illingworth

David Beckham has been the centre of attention again this past week following his dismissal for Real Madrid and his attempt at cooling the intense media speculation regarding a summer transfer back to these shores. However some reports suggest that he is set to buy a new house near Chelsea’s training ground which merely adds more fuel to the fire.

Arsenal’s Ashley Cole was in the papers pleading with the England captain to move to Highbury and Chelsea have continually been linked with the former Manchester United star. In fact some people still believe that there is a chance that he could return to United.

However if Roman Abramovich splashed out his wallet there is a possibility that the midfield maestro could be playing in the blue of Chelsea next year, something which would please the Bridge according to David Hill, Committee Member and Website Manager for Hastings and District Chelsea Supporters Club.

“I would love to see Beckham at the Bridge next season. He is England captain and a great player, even if he did start his career off at a not so well known club! The reaction will be good because for starters he is England captain and secondly he gives 110% for the team he plays for, whether it’s England, Real Madrid or Manchester United in the past. His past and United will soon be forgotten by the Chelsea faithful when he starts banging in the free kicks at the shed end!”

Since Roman Abramovich took control of Chelsea last summer over £100 million worth of talent has passed through the Bridge. Damien Duff and Wayne Bridge have shown while others like Mutu and Crespo have found the demands of the Premiership and a huge squad rotational system hard to deal with. However David, a regular down at Stamford Bridge, believes the purchase of Beckham would add to the team and solve one of the sides’ biggest problems.

“Beckham would add a good crosser to the team. Gronkjaer has failed to deliver the quality crosses from the right hand side this season that the strikers need. His work rate will also be a major bonus.”

Beckham is huge business. Wherever he is there is a story waiting to be written. Whether it be his latest hairstyle, fashion statement, on the pitch spats, or love riffs. He’s become as much of a regular fixture in the national press as page three! Yet David Mills insists that this level of celebrity, and living in the capital, will not have an adverse affect on the team.

“I don’t think his off the field antics would affect the rest of the team but it may affect his individual performance which in turn may have repercussions on the Chelsea side. This is a risk Abramovich has to take with the England captain.”

However, as the transfer talk rumbles on, it’s still not clear where Becks will be kicking a ball come August. Some say that if he leaves the Bernabau after just one season in La Liga that he would be seen as a failure. Not in Mr Millis’s eyes who believes Beckham WILL be a blue come July.

“I think that Beckham will be made a Chelsea player after the Euro 2004 competition and will not be seen as a failure by returning home because he has had a good solid season at the Bernabau. He will be seen as an England captain who loves the English game.”

Whether Goldenballs future is at the Bridge, Bernabau, or even Highbury, one thing’s for sure, this transfer saga is far from over and if David Mills is right, and Beckham does become a blue, Chelsea could have brought the most important piece in their quest for Premiership and European glory.

Colin Illingworth
20/05/2004

793: ENGLAND: England squad profile

by : Stephen Orford

Thirty-eight long years have passed since England won their only major international honour. In a few weeks' time they will be given yet another opportunity at Euro 2004 in Portugal. Earlier this week, manager Sven Goran Eriksson named the 23 men who are charged with the responsibility of bringing home the Henri Delauney Trophy.

Already he is talking down their chances. He has apparently quoted as suggesting that there is not adequate cover for goalkeeper David James who he describes as "no Gordon Banks", while he also claims that other than Michael Owen the squad struggles to find a world class striker. This may not inspire the players, but it may also be a cunning plan to play down the expectation in a nation that regularly over-estimates the capability of its football team.

So, who are the men who carry England's hopes in Portugal? Well, this lot actually.......

Goalkeepers

David James - Manchester City. Brought in to replace the legendary pony-tail David Seaman for both club and country, James has now made the England number one shirt his own. Still prone to the odd disaster between the sticks, England fans will be hoping that James can keep off the computer games for a few weeks at least.

Paul Robinson - Tottenham Hotspur. Recently rescued from the sinking ship that is Leeds United, Robinson will now be free to concentrate on the business of preparing himself to step in for James should injury or a dose of the wobblies strike. A highly capable goalkeeper. I don't know what Sven is so worried about.

Ian Walker - Leicester City. Perhaps this is what Eriksson meant when he said that there was not adequate cover in goal. Walker has had a torrid time playing in a relegated side seemingly bereft of a defensive unit. Howlers and altercations with fans have blighted Walker's season. Perhaps it is rather worrying that two of England's three 'keepers suffered relegation with their clubs this season.

Defenders

Gary Neville - Manchester United. With over 60 caps and more club honours than you can shake the proverbial stick at, Neville should be an automatic choice at right-back in the England line-up. His injury before the last World Cup in Japan and Korea led to a prolongued run in the side for the now absent Danny Mills. If nothing else, this shows just how important Neville is to the hopes of the England side.

Phil Neville - Manchester United. The younger Neville sibling is still villified by many after his last minute hack against Romania left England packing their bags at Euro 2000. However, moments of madness aside his versatility should prove invaluable as he is able to fill either full-back role, or operate anywhere across the midfield where he has played much of his football for Manchester United this season.

Ashley Cole - Arsenal. Cole is often criticised for finding himself out of position when playing for England, but this seems unfair. Any England left-back will find himself exploited by the lack of any genuine midfield width on the England left. Cole's performances for Arsenal, remembering that he plays in front of the manic Jens Lehmann, show that he is a more than capable defender who possesses blistering pace. Comfortable on the ball, Cole should offer another option going forward on the troubled England left.

Wayne Bridge - Chelsea. That Bridge has managed to keep his place more often than not in a team managed by Claudio Ranieri speaks volumes. Like Cole, Bridge is an attacking full-back who can deliver a telling cross when given the chance to get forward.

Sol Campbell - Arsenal. Strong, pacy, athletic Judas Sol has been the rock on which Arsenal's defence has been built. With all the plaudits going to Arsenal's attacking players, Campbell's contribution is under-estimated. In the absence of the classy Ferdinand, Campbell is absolutely key to England's chances at Euro 2004.

John Terry - Chelsea. A perceived lack of pace is compensated for by an almost faultless sense of positioning. Terry may have one of the strangest hairstyles in English football, but he has regularly turned in solid performances at the back for Chelsea this year. Anyone who can keep Marcel Desailly out of the side can't be all that bad. Unlucky not to be named Young Player Of The Year when some wise monkey decided to give it to the toy-chucking Scott Parker.

Jamie Carragher - Liverpool. A great man-marker, Carragher can fill any position along the back line if required. However, don't expect the Liverpool man to go on any marauding raids into the opposition half before whipping in a pin-point cross for an on-coming striker. It ain't gonna happen.

Ledley King - Tottenham Hotspur. Without doubt the strangest of Eriksson's squad choices. Having played most of his club football in midfield, King was brought in to cover at centre-back for a friendly in Portugal. He was then left out of the squad for the trip to Sweden, but it seems that Eriksson had seen enough to convince him. King was impressive, but Portugal are not a side renowned for their cutting edge in attack. I have grave concerns over King's presence should he come up against more direct opposition when he returns to Portugal.

791: PREMIERSHIP: Emile Heskey leav

by : Stephen Orford

So Liverpool finally cut their losses on misfiring striker Emile Heskey when they sold him to Birmingham City earlier this week. The deal is said to be worth around 6.25 million pounds depending on other criteria, but still represents a massive loss for Liverpool financially.

They paid Leicester City 11 million pounds for his services in 2000 but after a good start to his Anfield career, Heskey has been the subject of some scathing criticism as the Liverpool team has slid further and further away from the Premiership's big three. With that in mind, and Liverpool's subsequent need to rebuild for the future, the deal looks a good one for all parties concerned. The present financial climate ensured that Liverpool were never going to get their money back on a player who many view as a flop during his time on Merseyside.

Still, Birmingham City can be rightly pleased with their purchase. Expectations at St.Andrews are markedly lower than those at Anfield, and Heskey may well revel in the opportunity to play without the intense pressure from the media and fans at Liverpool. Still a regular in the England squad as his inclusion in the Euro 2004 party shows, Heskey is certainly capable of helping City to improve on this season's tenth place finish next term. He has already commented on how much he is looking forward to forming a striking partnership with in-form, on-loan Mikael Forssell. Forsell's style of play and stature is not that dissimilar to that of Michael Owen, so Heskey should at least feel comfortable with his new strike partner. Still, he will need to improve on his goal return of just 12 this season if he is to significantly improve the Birmingham side. This may happen, as there were signs in the final few games of his Liverpool career that Heskey was beginning to find the net more regularly, with his last goal for the club coming ironically against his new employers.

Liverpool may now set about finding a striker to replace Heskey. Auxerre's French striker Djibril Cisse has long been talked about as the next arrival at Anfield, but with the future of manager Gerard Houllier still in doubt according to some sources, that deal may now be in jeopardy also. There are even reports that the Merseyside outfit have turned their attentions to Leeds United striker Alan Smith. Smith has proven himself in the Premiership, and would come at a lower price than Cisse due to Leeds' financial plight. However, he is coming off a torrid campaign with the Elland Road club in which both he and his team have found goals hard to come by. With that, doutbs still remain as to whether he is the right man to partner the now seemingly settled Michael Owen up front.

If a new striker is not found, then Milan Baros may finally get the extended run in the side that some of his performances have warranted since he joined the club. A rare success for Gerard Houllier in the transfer market, Baros looks set to be a key member of the Czech Republic team at Euro 2004 and has an impressive international goalscoring record. Perhaps he can fill the gap left by Heskey's departure so that the club can use the money to strengthen other areas of the team.

Rumours persist that Joey Barton will arrive from Manchester City to strengthen the midfield, and it is almost a football cliche to suggest that Liverpool could use a genuinely effective wide midfield player, particularly on the right hand side. El Hadji Diouff provided a temporary stop-gap in that position at times during the recent campaign, but his Anfield days seem numbered. He has been scarcely used since returning late from the African Nations Cup where he represented Senegal.

None of the rumoured transfer targets inspire this writer with any confidence that Liverpool can maintain a genuine title challenge in 2004/05. However, in selling Heskey it appears that Houllier has at least begun to acknowledge what has worked for the club and what has not during his tenure. There is much to do, with the purchase of a genuine world class midfielder to operate alongside the brilliant Steven Gerrard a possible priority, along with that elusive right-sided midfielder. Others will have to follow Heskey out of the Anfield exit if the club is to be able to afford to bring in players of the required class, regardless of potential financial investments.

Emile Heskey leaves Liverpool with the best wishes of most Liverpool fans, but they would probably be even more keen to send farewell and good luck messages to the likes of Cheyrou, Biscan, Diao, Diouff and Traore before the new season kicks off.

Stephen Orford
19/05/2004

794: NATIONWIDE: Is there an altern

by : Alec Peachey

Midfielders

David Beckham - Real Madrid (captain). Man of a thousand hair-cuts, Beckham is another England player who will probably be asked to play elsewhere than his usual club position. The media, who can't seem to get enough of the increasingly tedious Beckham, are now raising concerns over his mental state after revelations about his private life and his recent sending off for Real Madrid against Murcia. Personally, I was impressed that he had finally picked up some Spanish. Back to the football, and much will rest on Beckham's shoulders. Though operating in wider role, he will still be asked to direct operations in the England midfield. Then of course, there are the free-kicks. England expects......

Steven Gerrard - Liverpool. Steven Gerrard is the sole reason why Liverpool have dragged themselves up to their minimum requirment of a fourth place finish and Champions' League qualification. He'll be less noticable in the England team because of the greater help available to him, but if he can transform his club form to the international stage he will return from Euro 2004 a major international football superstar.

Paul Scholes - Manchester United. Struggling for a goal in a more withdrawn role for England under Eriksson, Scholes still possesses the qualities to rip any defence to shreds when on his game. It doesn't seem to be helping his cause that he is constantly being moved around the Manchester United team also. I can't quite understand why any manager wouldn't want to build his team around Scholes. A genuine world-class player who could yet hold the key to England's success as defences everywhere get themselves in a twist about Beckham and Michael Owen.

Nicky Butt - Manchester United. An indifferent season almost saw Butt leave Old Trafford in the January transfer window. Instead, he re-emerged in the United line-up but most observers claim he has not managed to reproduce the form of years gone by. With Frank Lampard now an established midfield force, Butt might yet miss out on a place in the starting eleven.

Frank Lampard - Chelsea. Lampard has been superb in Chelsea's ever-changing midfield this season, even making his mark on Europe's finest in the Champions' League. Yet to establish himself as a certain starter for England, Euro 2004 could be the tournament where Lampard finally comes of age as an international player.

Keiron Dyer - Newcastle United. A surprise selection given the horrendous list of injuries he has suffered over the past few seasons. Those injuries have lessened his impact for Newcastle and he has rarely figured for England. Still, a player who can run at tired defenders for a short spell late in the game could yet prove to be a vital asset.

Joe Cole - Chelsea. When he is not practising his pointless circus tricks in his back garden, Cole can be found sitting on his behind waiting for one of Chelea's Galacticos to fall over and do themselves a mischief. To say his Chelsea appearances have been limited this year is an understatement akin to saying that Saddam Hussein is a bit of a bully. Suddenly though, he (Cole, not Hussein) has been talked about as the solution to England's left sided problem after appearing there for Chelsea recently. This of course, is utter bunkum. Perhaps he could entertain the crowd at half-time with a bit of ball-juggling which, if nothing else, might give the fans something else to do other than ripping the seats up and throwing them at each other.

Owen Hargreaves - Bayern Munich. Without doubt the most over-rated footballer in the civilised world. Hargreaves seems to hold down a place in the England squad merely on the basis that he plays for Bayern Munich. The theory is that if he is good enough to play for Bayern, he must be good enough for England. It is this kind of logic that got Luther Blisset and Mark Hately more England caps than Matthew Le Tissier.

Forwards

Michael Owen - Liverpool. Owen has been carrying the England goalscoring burden since the retirement of Alan Shearer from international football but does it remarkably well. A return of 24 international goals from 54 caps is impressive by anyone's standards, and when you consider that he is still only 24 years of age he must be on course to break Bobby Charlton's all-time England goalscoring record of 49. If England can create the chances, Owen can fire us to at least the semi finals.

Wayne Rooney - Everton. Playing his football in a quite miserable Everton team does not detract from the fact that Wayne Rooney is a football genius. He may not be the prettiest, but he can drift past defenders and play slide-rule passes with the best of them. Like Owen before him, Rooney has a real opportunity to establish himself as a teenage superstar on the world stage.

Darius Vassell - Aston Villa. Many felt that Vassell's place in the squad should have gone to Tottenham's in-form Jermain Defoe. However, Vassell's greater international experience, added to the fact that he is prepared to pass the ball from time to time, give him the edge over the raw talent of Defoe from where I am sitting. Besides, Vassell has been revitalised under David O'Leary at Aston Villa this year.

Emile Heskey - Birmingham City. The man shown the door at Anfield earlier this week is still one of Sven's favourites. He possesses great pace and strength, but unfortunately seems to have all the balance of a new born giraffe on ice skates. However, Heskey is very much a confidence player and will produce his best form when others around him are playing well and to his strengths.

So there you have it, the 23 men set to suffer an agonising penalty-shoot out defeat to Germany in the latter stages of Euro 2004. Well, even that would be an improvement on Euro 2000, wouldn't it?

Stephen Orford
19/05/2004As another season comes to an end the playoffs and the cup final bring the curtain down on another great year of football.

No one would doubt that the playoffs are an incredibly exciting way to end a season but year after year fans complain that the system just isn’t fair. This is because the system is a bit of a lottery as the team which finishes sixth in the league has a chance to be promoted above the team that finished third.

Ask any Crystal Palace fan at the moment and they’ll tell you how much they love the playoffs, however ask any Sunderland fan and they’ll tell you how much they hate them. Palace having scraped a place in the playoffs thanks to a last minute strike by Brian Deane for West Ham against Wigan are now going to be making their way to Cardiff with a place back in with the big boys within their grasp.

Sunderland fans will now of course start claiming how unfair the playoffs are and how it should be them and not anyone else getting promoted due to the fact that they finished third and were the better team according to points totals over the season. Unfortunately for them the FA will not have any of it as they know how much excitement the playoffs create and what a great advertisement for the game they bring. The Charlton game a few years back immediately springs to mind when they drew 4-4 and eventually won on penalties in what was arguably one the greatest games ever played. The defeated team that day was again the unfortunate Sunderland.

Other classics include Gillingham’s two successive trips to Wembley although in both those cases I am obviously going to be slightly biased! However what I would say is that when we lost to Manchester City after seemingly already having a place secured in division one in such dramatic circumstances to go from jubilation to such agony was unbelievable. Those kind of moments in football would be reduced if not lost if the playoffs were scrapped.

One alternative idea to the playoffs could be to have a round robin where all the teams in the playoff positions have to play each other in a mini league with the top two eventually meeting in the final to contest for promotion. However the disadvantage of this is complete burnout for the players who would have already had a long and hard season.

Another idea could be that if the team which finishes third ends up in that spot by a nice clear margin of say around nine points clear of fourth spot then the playoffs will not be contested. Again however this could easily bring around several arguments regarding what is seen as a clear margin etc.

The playoff system has been going since 1986 and for now it seems we can look forward to another 20 years of it continuing. There is no doubt that the games over the years have brought much agony and ecstasy for faithful supporters. However if you have any complaints over the playoffs its simple you better hope your team wins the title or gets that automatic promotion spot.

Alec Peachey
19/05/2004

790: PREMIERSHIP: Chris Sherrard's

by : Chris Sherrard

Team of the Season (and it’s not just Arsenal)

The curtain has come down on another remarkable Premiership season. The title trophy has been hoisted, the fans have sung their last songs and the players have turned their attentions to Portugal or a tropical beach. All that remains to be done is for the squarefootball team of the season to be named. Arguments could be made that the team of the season is just Arsenal, no more and no less. But there have been others who have performed magnificently and deserve credit for making 2003-04 another electrifying Premiership season. Not too long until they do it all again…

Goalkeeper – Maik Taylor (Birmingham City) Not so long after leaving the Army he has had a great season between the posts since joining The Blues. The initial loan spell was so successful, Steve Bruce couldn’t let him go and snapped him up from Fulham where his opportunities to shine were hampered by Dutch international Edwin van der Saar. Taylor has been tremendous for City, at shot-blocking, reactions and at crosses and will provide Bruce with a great backline for next season.

Left-back – Jllyod Samuel (Aston Villa) Has made the left-back slot his own this season and turned in many fine performances going forward and defensively in Villa’s Premiership resurgence. If he can build on this season, Samuel will have an England career in front of him after Eriksson hinted at such by including him in the squad for a recent friendly.

Right-back – Jamie Carragher (Liverpool) Suffered a cruelly-timed injury but has still featured in 31 games for club and country this season and rarely put a foot wrong in any of them. Solid, dependable and full of passion, Carragher always does well for Liverpool and has proved a useful addition to the England fold as well.

Centre-back – John Terry (Chelsea) Simply superb. Has been an immense presence at the heart of Chelsea’s multi-million ruble side this season. Composed, immaculate and dynamic, Terry would be hard to leave out of the national team even if Rio Ferdinand was available. It’s hard to see an area of Terry’s game that needs improving and if he carries his club form into the European Championships, England will go close to winning it.

Centre-back – Kolo Toure (Arsenal) Close run thing between the Ivory Coast international and his Highbury defensive partner, Sol Campbell. But the youngster gets the nod because of the accelerated rise to prominence and importance for the champions. Toure has gone from bit part everywhere man to regular first-teamer and has played magnificently throughout a tremendous season for the club.

Left-midfield – Robert Pires (Arsenal) There were times when he looked a shadow of his former self but those times soon faded with the dawning of Autumn and out of the shadows came the old Robert Pires, forceful, energetic and deadly. He is the creative, running force of a brilliant, almost unbeatable Arsenal side and has contributed to the goals tally as well as the assists by hitting the net almost 20 times this season. A brilliant statistic for a midfielder.

Centre-midfield – Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) It’s frightening for Liverpool fans to imagine what they would have done and where they would have finished had their Scouser skipper not been around. At times it has been a one-man show down Anfield way with Gerrard pinging passes left and right and taking off on foraging runs through opposition defences like a flying winger. Simply superb all season and looks like he could go on and on which is a big bonus for England for without him, as in the World Cup, they lack drive when its most needed.

Centre-midfield – Frank Lampard (Chelsea) Fighting it out with his mate, John Terry, for the club’s player of the season award, and I wouldn’t like to pick between them. Lampard has been one of the few constants in an ever-changing Chelsea line-up this season. The reason he has been impossible to leave out is because without him they would not be the same team. The Londoner has took his own game on to another level since August and has cemented his place in the national squad, at least, even if he is unlikely to get the nod for the starting eleven.

Right-midfield – Shaun Wright-Phillips (Manchester City) Who’d have thought, after the season that they have had, that a Man City player would be in the reckoning for a team of the season? But Wright-Phillips has been a shining light down Eastlands way this season, looking in a different class to most of his team-mates. Bustling with energy and endeavour, Wright-Phillips has created and scored goals of note this season and will always be remembered in the blue half of the city for that sparkling goal in the derby triumph.

Striker – Thierry Henry (Arsenal) Well, there’s no way he could be left out, is there? The best forward in the world, arguably the most exciting footballer in the planet, great goalscorer and scorer of great goals. Henry has the football world at his feet and eating out of his hands right now. There is simply no legal way of stopping him when he is in the mood and he has been in the mood for quite a while now.

Striker – Alan Shearer (Newcastle) The old warhorse is still going, and going as strong as ever if you look at the goalscorers chart. Shearer has banged them in with tremendous frequency over the course of his robust career and this, his penultimate campaign, has been no different. There can be no doubt that he could still do a job for his country if all parties wanted it but his love for his club and their fans have been the spur which has kept this season going in style for the Geordie legend.

Chris Sherrard
17/05/2004

779: PREMIERSHIP: Birmingham City:

by : David Hulott

They may have ended the current campaign in fairly disappointing fashion, failing to win any of their last eight games, but there are already signs that the team to watch next season might well be Birmingham City.

With the backing of David Sullivan and the Gold brothers, Steve Bruce is already making moves to strengthen his squad with a view to next term, with a handful of high-quality acquisitions promised over the close season. Chelsea’s Mikael Forssell (it’s difficult to think of anyone who has been a better pre-season signing – permanent or loan – than the Finnish international?) has already agreed to extend his stay for a second year, while Emile Heskey has now moved back to the Midlands for an initial fee of £3.5 million, which could rise to £6.25 million (if it’s to be related to Heskey’s performances, there will be fears among Liverpool supporters that we could be talking just the £3.5 million).

There are also strong indications that Muzzy Izzet will be joining once his contract with Leicester City expires. The fact that City are reported to be willing to match Izzet’s current £30,000 per week salary with the Foxes is an indication of their ability to compete financially with all but the elite few of the Premiership

A further sign of the ambition at the club these days is that they are now being linked with players that the supporters would scarcely have thought possible a couple of years ago, with the likes of Alan Smith, Danny Mills, Nicky Butt and Jesper Gronkjaer (not sure whether the latter name will meet with universal approval from the Bluenoses?) all said to be under consideration. Indeed, it’s widely reported that a bid of £5.75 million was made for Smith, albeit turned down. A strike partner for Forssell was certainly a major priority for the club to progress to the next level, with neither Clinton Morrison nor Stern John really convincing at the top level. Despite the doubters, Heskey might prove to be a shrewd acquisition now that he’s out of the spotlight at Anfield.

The club may find it difficult to tempt some of their other targets to St. Andrews, but Bruce is gradually building a squad that looks increasingly capable of mounting a challenge for European football, which in turn is bound to make the club more attractive for prospective signings. Aside from Forssell, there is already a decent base from which to build, with Maik Taylor one of the best keepers in the Premiership this term, while Kenny Cunningham and Matthew Upson form a solid central defensive partnership. Were he to join, Izzet would certainly augment an already decent midfield alongside Robbie Savage (everyone's favourite Pantomime villain) and David Dunn (whose persistent hamstring problems must be giving some cause for concern).

After a sticky start on their return to the top-flight last season, Birmingham have quickly adapted to life in the Premiership and now look to have firmly established themselves. Unlike some of their peers, Birmingham have largely eschewed the current fad for signing ageing foreign stars on short-term, high-salary deals (although Christophe Dugarry did fall somewhat under that category), preferring instead to actually go out and buy players with a few years left in their legs.

The one dark cloud on the horizon could be that Bruce is seen by many as a potential replacement for the babbling Sir Bobby Robson, whose position at Newcastle United looks to be increasingly under threat. It would be tempting to think that Bruce would be prepared to show some loyalty were an offer to materialise from the Geordies, although history does rather suggest otherwise. That said, any vacancy at St James' Park is unlikely to come with the £10 million transfer budget available at St Andrews, with more goings than comings likely at Newcastle over the summer. Whether Bruce would find such a situation quite so appealing is open to question.

Certain bookmakers will be offering pre-season prices on the Premiership minus the "Big Five". Once the prices are made available, Birmingham could well be worth a punt to be the "best of the rest".

David Hulott
12/05/2004 (amended 18/05/2004)

788: ENGLAND: Sven needed Defoe to

by : Chris Sherrard

Well there you have it. Sven has named his squad and there was no surprise that no surprises were named. The Swede was always going to name, injuries allowing, this squad once it became clear that Woodgate, Ferdinand and Southgate would not be available for selection. It’s unlikely that Eriksson was up until the wee small hours finalising his squad but one decision should have made him think long and hard - if he has blundered by leaving Jermain Defoe out.

The Spurs hitman has been tremendous since his step up from West Ham to the Premiership and looked to have done enough to clinch a striking berth in the final sprint for the squad. But Eriksson has gone with what he knows best and that means Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen and Darius Vassell will be England’s strikers next month.

With the Aston Villa man struggling with the injury which curtailed his season, hope still abounds for Defoe. The fact that Sven is taking him with the rest of the 23 to Sardinia for a training camp is a clear signal that, should Vassell not regain full fitness, the Tottenham man will step into his boots. But shouldn’t he be there as of right? He is, after all, in-form, fully-fit and eager to carve a name for himself on the international stage.

In 1998, Glenn Hoddle took a precocious young goalscorer with little international experience to the World Cup finals. Michael Owen came back a superstar. I honestly believe that Jermain Defoe could do the same, given a chance.

Scoring goals is a necessary commodity in any would-be international footballer and every national team needs someone they can rely on to bang them in when everyone else is floundering. Sven knows, for all Owen’s lack of sparkling form this season, that he will score goals given a chance. But of the other forwards in his squad, none are prolific, natural goalscorers. Heskey’s place was clinched by the fact he offers something different to the team than his rivals and, while Rooney has always looked dangerous in England’s white if not Everton’s blue, he is more of a forward, creator than goalscorer supreme. Vassell hasn’t got a strike-record to rank with Europe’s best players either and those combhined factors point to goals being a problem for England this summer, especially given Paul Scholes’ current drought.

In Jermain Defoe, Sven Goran Eriksson has at his disposal a player with a constant threat of goals in him. Someone who looks like finding the net every time he runs forward. A player with genuine natural goalscoring ability. Unknowns, as Owen proved, are a valuable, precious weapon. Not many would have known the danger the tiny Spurs man would have presented and, as such, he could have been England’s secret weapon. He should have been a certainty for the squad. Instead, he will have to wait and count on someone else’s misfortune.

Sven has said that Defoe will accompany the squad next week and feature in the mini tournament at Old Trafford thereafter. That shows he was not a million miles from inclusion and will be the next man on the plane if an attacking player falls foul to the omni-present English injury problem. Someone else’s misfortune would be a blessing in disguise for Defoe and, providing it’s not Owen or Rooney, the national team itself.

It is, of course, Eriksson’s job and perogative to pick whichever players he feels are right for the team. If he comes back from Portugal with the European Championship trophy in one hand and a knighthood in the other, few will question any of his decisions. But, in leaving out Defoe, I can’t help thinking he has weakened his chances of success.

Chris Sherrard
17/05/2004

787: CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Real Madrid:

by : Alec Peachey

Ask any Chelsea fan and they’ll tell you what a good player Morientes is, in fact ask any football fan and they’ll you what a good player he is.
However it seems Real Madrid didn’t think so and are now quite possibly proverbially kicking themselves at letting him go out on loan to Monaco, one of the contesting teams that will play in this years European Cup Final.

Real have no silverware to put in their large and illustrious trophy cabinet this season and part of the blame for this can surely be put down to their sheer arrogance. There is of course no doubting the quality within their team with the likes of Zidane, Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos, Figo and of course Beckham in the starting line up.

However the mistakes they have made have been in letting two of their ‘best’ players go in Makelele and as already mentioned Morientes. Makelele was Real’s workhorse who sat in front of their defence and made up a lot of ground, he was arguably their most instrumental player. This is because for all the flair in the world that Real inevitably have every team needs a warrior who will battle and win the ball in crucial areas of the field. Good examples of players like this currently are still arguably Roy Keane for Manchester United and the excellent Steven Gerrard for Liverpool. Makelele was not happy with the wages he was on at Real as they would not bring them into line with what the top earners like Ronaldo were on. Real should have done this as he has gone on to have an instrumental affect at Chelsea and looks like getting better and better with the more games he plays.

Then there is of course the case of Morientes who Real earlier in the season loaned out to Monaco. However what they forgot to do is put a clause into the terms not allowing him to play against them if the two teams were to meet, a simple mistake or a sign of cockiness?
They of course did meet in the small matter of a European Cup quarter final. In the second leg Morientes was outstanding and scored against Real. His goals and sheer brilliance in the European Cup have lead Monaco to the final and who knows what might happen when they meet Porto.

If he goes onto win the European Cup with Monaco you get the feeling he’ll be having a bit of a chuckle at the expense of Real.
They’ll simply be thinking what I’ve spoken about why oh why did we get rid of Morientes and Makelele.
The facts are straight forward if they had kept them it could have been a completely different story for the team this season. As it happens there is talk that Ronaldo and Beckham will both be joining the spending giants of Chelsea in the summer. Real should know by now that they can’t afford to keep letting their best players go. If they do then expect Valencia to become the new superpower in Spanish football for years to come.

Alec Peachey
13/05/2004

789: PREMIERSHIP: Alan Smith should

by : Steve Heald

Unless Leeds were to experience further relegation next season, plunging them on a par with Sheffield Wednesday as a lowly 2nd division club, United fans probably can’t believe they have sunk to even new depths following the behaviour of Alan Smith over the final weekend of the league season.

With Leeds finally put out of the Premiership misery a couple of weeks ago, all that was left for it’s fans was the gradual disintegration of the current first team squad. Among the first to leave was always going to be the man known as Leeds’ crown jewel – Born and bred Yorkshireman and lifetime supporter of Leeds, Alan Smith. With his passionate performances and the evidence on display all season that here was a man that genuinely did care about Leeds’ plight, he was rightly feted as a local hero and carried off the field to an emotional farewell during the last Premiership game at Elland Road.

It was all a different story just one week later as Smith was verbally abused, leading to him giving the ‘finger’ to the same fans he previously kissed the badge for. Smith’s crime? He hasn’t ruled out the possibility of signing for the most hated of Leeds fans rivals – Manchester United.

If Smith were to sign for United I for one would be greatly disappointed in his actions and would lose all respect for him. Here was a Yorkshireman who understood what it is all about to be from Leeds. There is a fierce passion, a pride, a resoluteness in ideology. You are born in Leeds, you may leave Leeds, but your heart is always in Yorkshire. You certainly don’t entertain any notion for the gloryboys over the pennines, Manchester United.

Whilst Smith has demonstrated all season that he does care for Leeds, signing for Man U would be ultimately a betrayal, a selling of his soul.

How could he throw his culture, his upbringing, his pride away just for a few extra tawdry pieces of silver? As a Manchester City fan I’ve always been of the impression that if I was good enough to play for Manchester United (and let’s face it, as the song goes, ‘if the Nevilles can play for England so can I’…) then teams not far away on the ability/financial reward scale would also be a-knocking on my door.

Sure, other players have made the move, and these characters have been vindicated by the fans at Elland Road for years. Dating back to Jordan/McQueen in the 70’s, right up to the controversial defections of Cantona and Ferdinand, players have highlighted their passion to play or Leeds only to shift it down the M62 when the United cheque book is waved in their faces. But none of these guys was one of Elland Roads own; only Smith has grown up in the area and been schooled in the rivalry and animosity that evolves culturally and spiritually from the two rival cities where the football teams represent the divide on both sides of the hilltops. If anybody should know better it is him, and that is why I hope that he sees sense and signs for Arsenal/Newcastle/Chelsea or even Manchester City (if he wants to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire) come July.

Steve Heald
17/05/2004

786: PREMIERSHIP: Spurs need Redkna

by : Chris Sherrard

Forget the tinkerman and whoever else you had lined up for the vacant Spurs managerial post. There can only be one man – Harry Redknapp.

The Portsmouth manager has threatened to walk or be sacked after a row with his chairman over coaching staff and Tottenham should pounce for the Londoner to fill the gap long-since left by Glenn Hoddle’s departure. For all the debate over which big-name foreigner is right for the job, Spurs’ answer to their perennial problem could lie under their nose.

Redknapp, an infectious extremely likeable man, is a remarkably successful manager. He built a strong, lively unit at West Ham before the board made one of the most questionable decisions in their short, undistinguished reign to let him go. They suffered the consequences of their action by falling through the relegation trap-door. Had Redknapp remained in control, there can be little doubt that they would have retained their top-flight status.

Tottenham Hotspur need a leader like Redknapp. For too long, now, they have not had a manager who could command the appropriate respect of both their players and supporters. Harry Redknapp would unite a club which has often been at loggerheads. What’s more he would get fans traveling to White Hart Lane with a smile on their face.

Daniel Levy should take the plunge, and advantage of Milan Mandaric’s shot-sightedness, and call for Harry. Tell him he can bring whoever he wants to form his coaching staff. Tell him, as if he needs to be informed, that at Spurs there is an exciting mix of the precocious and the explosive. Tell him they want him to combine the frightening attacking capabilities of Robbie Keane with his former Hammers charges Defoe and Kanoute. Tell him that he is the man to steady a capable, but occasionally rocky defence. Tell him he should be the new manager of Tottenham Hotspur. Because he should be.

You can’t tell me that the prospect of turning the potential of one of England’s biggest clubs into reality doesn’t appeal to Redknapp, himself. That the chance to help a London club climb the table isn’t appealing? Harry Redknapp is an ambitious man who needs and deserves a challenge like this.

He has proved with Pompey that he knows the cheap end of the transfer market as well as anyone. With Spurs he wouldn’t need to make wholesale changes in the way he did at Fratton Park. The talent is mostly in place, all that’s needed now is for someone to assemble it in the right way.

Father and son, captain and manager, of one of the biggest sleeping giants in football is surely a mouthwatering prospect for the Redknapps. Maybe Harry is the man who can finally get son, Jamie, to feature consistently and fulfill some of the undeniable talent he possesses.

The appointment of a new man at the top of Spurs is not too far away. But the next manager down at the Lane should be someone with a clear idea of the history and traditions of the club but is still far-enough withdrawn to act without sentiment. Someone who grew up witnessing the good times for the whites of North London and knows what Spurs fans deserve. Harry Redknapp fits that bill. Surely they can’t allow him to retire on the South Coast without so much as a whimper. There is a lot of life left in that particular old(ish) dog.

Chris Sherrard
15/05/2004

785: PREMIERSHIP: Lucky Liverpool f

by : Chris Sherrard

Ring announcer: And introducing his challenger fighting out of the specially prepared black and white corner representing Newcastle United, weighing in at a sturdy 16 stones and standing at 5ft 9, it’s the former England, Ipswich and Barcelona boss, Sir Bobbbbbbyyy ‘The Legeeeennnddd’ Robbbbbssssooonnn.
The Stamford Bridge faithful break into a ripple of applause for the oldest manager in the Premiership.
Ring announcer: And to accompany him down to the ring it’s every one’s favourite Geordie pairing, singing their legendary track, it’s Ant and Dec with ‘Let’s Get Ready To Rumble’.
Andy: Oh wicked!
Martin: So this is why you want Robson to win.
Andy: Too right. I love these guys!
Martin: Do you remember a minute ago I raised my concerns about your age, well …
Andy: Look I’m old enough to know better but I just can’t control my actions.
Sir Bobby emerges from behind the curtain staggering about sipping on a bottle of Newcastle Brown with the Geordie entertainers at his side singing their little hearts out.
Martin: What’s up with Robson? He looks wrecked! I know the Geordies were knocked out of Europe but come off it Bobby, you’ve still got fifth place to fight for.
Robson stumbles down the ramp and is helped into the ring by Ant and Dec. Ranieri offers his hand to Robson who drunkenly snatches at it and shakes abruptly.
Andy: You’re right you know. Robson’s half cut.
Ant and Dec leave the ring and Robson continues swigging from the bottle. Claudio looks on bemused and whips the bottle out of Robson’s hand and pours some down his throat.
Martin: Ranieri is going to regret that. Robson’s seething.
Andy: But what’s this? Ranieri has pulled out a bottle of Italian wine and two glasses!
Martin: What a gentleman.
Robson’s face lights up as he cracks open the bottle of wine and pours out a huge glass.
Martin: We might as well be down the pub if we’re just going to watch these two get lashed up.
Andy: That’s the best suggestion you’ve ever had!
Robson downs his glass and then falls over and head butts Ranieri’s left knee on the way down, forcing the Italian to crumple up on the canvas in a heap and spill his drink.
Martin: Was that an accident or is this some evil plan of Robson’s?
Andy: I don’t know but Ranieri’s clearly struggling and at the mercy of Sir Bobby.
Robson stumbles back to his feet, pours himself another drink and downs it, when he falls on Ranieri again, crashing his elbow into his collarbone.
Andy: What is going on here? Either Robson has turned into George Best or he’s devised a cunning plan to injure Claudio.
Martin: The Tinkerman was already down with a sore knee and now he’s damaged his collarbone.
Robson rolls off of Ranieri and uses the rope to get back to his feet. He crawls under the ring and pulls out a crate of Newcy Brown and throws a few into the crowd.
Robson: Go on ya Southern softies, get some of these down ya neck.
Robson opens up a few and starts pouring bottle after bottle down Ranieri’s neck.
Andy: What a move by Robson. Ranieri may have mastered the English language but there’s no way he’ll manage to conquer the English way of drinking.
Martin: Well that’s been twelve bottles now and Ranieri’s totally pie eyed.
Suddenly Ranieri grabs hold of a bottle and smashes it over Robson’s head.
Andy: What was that? How did he manage that?
Robson falls out of the ring with blood pouring from his head and Ant and Dec rush to his aid while Ranieri struggles to gain his feet. The Chelsea fans voice their encouragement to Ranieri to get back to his feet.
Andy: Come on Claudio, you can do it!
Martin: 40,000 fans are willing Ranieri up. This is extraordinary.
Ranieri slowly gets to his feet and grabs a microphone.
Ranieri: (In perfect Geordie) Why aye man. That’s grand stuff!
Andy: What’s going on? Ranieri’s a Geordie!!!
Ranieri: See that Titus Bramble man … he’s some player man. Roman, eh, Roman, get me Bramble man.
Martin: How mullered is he? Titus Bramble? I wouldn’t even let him play for Athletico Jericho.
Andy: Athletico who?
Martin: Exactly!
Suddenly the stadium falls into a deathly cold and the lights begin to flicker.
Andy: Roman’s forgot to pay the electricity again! … Hey it’s getting a bit cold in here. What’s going on?
A huge spotlight lights up and points to the top of the ramp and there’s a strange pointy nose, puppet like figure, standing there.
Martin: What is that atrocity? It looks like something out of a horror movie.
Andy: It’s worse than that Martin … It’s the flipping Judderman!
Martin: The Judderman! Ohmigod!
The Stamford Bridge faithful screech in horror and thousands of blues swarm for the exits. The Judderman points at Ranieri.
Judderman: Beware of the Judderman, my dear, when the moon is fat!
Ranieri: But the moon isn’t fat, man. Vanessa Feltz, now that’s fat!
The Judderman jerkily moves towards ringside and the remaining members of the public cover their eyes with their hands as the scariest man in a TV advert ever enters the ring.
Andy: Ranieri’s dead. There’s no way he’ll defeat that beast.
Martin: The Tinkerman Vs The Judderman. Who would have ever thought they’d see this?
Ranieri picks up a bottle of Newcastle Brown and smashes it over the Judderman’s head.
Andy: Come on Claudio that’s not going to work against him.
Martin: Oh I don’t know. Pouring some of that down his neck instead of that pathetic girly drink he advertises could just do the trick.
The Judderman grabs hold of Ranieri and looks menacing when suddenly Roman Abramovich enters the ring and drags the Judderman off of his manager.
Martin: This is a turn up for the books. Abramovich helping Ranieri.
Andy: He’s probably going to pay him off.
Suddenly Abramovich takes a huge chunk out of the Judderman’s neck and blood squirts out into the crowd.
Martin: Urgh you’re joking me. Roman’s got a huge problem. He just can’t stop eating people!
Andy: Somebody should put a muzzle on him.
The Judderman howls in agony as Abramovich continues tucking into him until all that’s left is a pile of bones. The Stamford Bridge crowd falls into a hushed silence.
Martin: No wonder he’s a billionaire. Look at all the money he saves on food by eating humans!
Out of nowhere Bobby re-enters the ring and dropkicks Abramovich out of the ring.
Martin: Woah, I haven’t seen something that old in the air since the Spitfire.
Ranieri turns round, still legless, and gets Robson in a sleeper hold, executing it perfectly.
Andy: What a move! It looks as if all those hours watching American wrestling has paid off.
Martin: There’s no way Robson will get out of this.
Out of nowhere Ant and Dec enter the ring and try and grasp Ranieri’s fingers apart but to no avail. Robson’s face turns blue and there’s no sign of life in him. Ant then kicks Ranieri in the coupon while Dec smashes another bottle of Newcy Brown over his head but still no affect. Outside the ring Abramovich stands up and his eyes are sheer white. He flies into the ring and swoops on Ant and Dec before flying and dropping them out of the stadium.
Martin: Well that’s taken care of those two little punks.
Andy: And it looks as though Ranieri has taken care of Robson. He’s out!
Ranieri relinquishes his grip and celebrates with the crowd when Abramovich swoops back into the ring.
Martin: What does he want now? Don’t tell me he wants rid of Ranieri still.
Suddenly he begins ripping Robson apart with his teeth.
Andy: Roman, for Pete’s sake. Here’s a tenner, go and get yourself a proper meal.
Ranieri tries to stop Roman but the Russian stares at Claudio with death in his eyes and the Italian decides to leave him at it and exits the ring when suddenly Arsene Wenger appears on the video screen.
Andy: What is this all about?
The Stamford Bridge faithful boo their London rival.
Wenger: Congratulations Claudio. You did well. However I’m here to warn you that when I bury Graeme Souness alive next week I am coming for you.
Ranieri laughs as he stands at the bottom of the ramp.
Wenger: I can’t believe you got lucky against my team of world-beaters to knock us out of the Champions League which was rightfully ours.
The Chelsea fans cheer Wenger’s last statement.
Wenger: However you got your comeuppance against my former club Monaco. I just hope that Roman keeps you in a job long enough for me to get my hands on you and destroy you for that fluke result you recorded against my champions in the Champions League. Then I will make sure my great Gunners will rule the Premiership for years to come. I will get you Claudio, mark my words, I will!
The screen goes black and Ranieri walks up the ramp looking extremely worried.
Martin: Wow! Wenger’s furious at Ranieri and obviously wants him in the semi finals.
Andy: I wonder if Ranieri will try and take the initiative and confront Wenger next week when he battles Graeme Souness?
Martin: Whatever happens I’m sure that next weeks brawl will be one of the most controversial brawls in history. To find out who will join Ferguson, Allardyce, and Ranieri in the semi finals next week, be sure to tune into squarefootball.net TV for exclusive coverage.
Andy: Until next week fight fans don’t drink and fight … you don’t want to waste any!

Colin Illingworth
07/05/2004Luck is not something Liverpool Football Club has had to rely on in the past. But gone are the days when Shankly’s men would blast teams away and dominate our domestic game. This season’s version of the club have had to depend on the shortcomings of others to qualify for the Champions League. And it isn’t good enough.

Newcastle’s draw with Southampton handed the vital, and much sought-after, fourth Champions League spot to the Merseysiders. They will be grateful for it but it isn’t the way Liverpool sides are supposed to enter Europe’s premier club competition. A team with the history and credentials of Liverpool should be barging into the event like the giants they are, or were. Not sneaking in through a back window like footballing imposters.

But now they have qualified, there is no reason why they can’t use it as a springboard from which a new generation can be formed. It’s clear that there will be money - either Thai or Scouse – at Anfield over the summer months. If it is spent wisely, Liverpool can support the homegrown players, and the few genuinely deserving of their places, with real quality.

Everyone knows they need to replace the so-called ‘dead-wood’ with brighter, more exciting and talented players. The gamble of the unknown Frenchmen has failed, as have the Heskey and Diouf risks. Doubts will also continue to circulate about manager Houllier’s position until the uncertainty at the top of the club is settled.

But if ever Liverpool had a chance to be reborn, it is surely now. They are, effectively, at a crossroads. Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen, arguably the only real world-class performers at the club, are sure to stay with Liverpool through next season’s Champions League campaign. It wasn’t quite a necessity for them to stay, but in taking their place among football’s higher tier, Liverpool have given themselves more breathing space in persuading the England duo that they are at a club which is going places. Up to now, the only place they looked to be going was back to mid-table obscurity. Now, if they can manage to bring in the right men and forge a decent challenge in Europe, those two will consider staying at Anfield as an all-together more realistic and rewarding scenario.

Liverpool have not played well this season. They didn’t get close to winning the FA or UEFA Cups. They sit 30 whole points behind the champions Arsenal. Only captain, Steven Gerrard, has come out of this campaign with his reputation enhanced. Too often he has been single-handedly carrying a seriously uninterested red vehicle.

Like Ranieri at Stamford Bridge this time last year, Gerard Houllier couldn’t have envisaged having a massive summer war chest with which to perform the rebuilding job he needs to. Now, after promises of cash from near and far-east, his appetite for the job and the club should be rewetted. He knows, if the promise of investment comes true, he will be able to attract players who would have been out of range before. He needs to spend that cash wisely though. For Liverpool to kick on, there must be no £11million on the next Emile Heskey or likewise fee for a newer El Hadji Diouf. If Houllier can’t make the most of this opportunity he should do the decent thing and leave now. He won’t. So the Anfield faithful will be crossing every finger they have in the hope that he can erase the memories of this, and past season’s, failures.

But they have been somewhat gifted the final Champions League spot thanks to a mixture of rivals, Newcastle, having a breakdown and no-one else having enough quality to barge their way past them. It could be said that had the Geordies been able to keep all of their star players fit and healthy it would be them who finished fourth. Liverpool won’t be shedding any tears at their implosion, however.

For them it is an opportunity too good to miss. As Elvis said: “It’s now or never.”

Chris Sherrard
13/05/2004

781: WALES: Wales make a Titov them

by : Stephen Orford

After much to-ing and fro-ing, wailing and gnashing of teeth the Welsh FA have finally admitted defeat in their bid to have the national team re-instated into Euro 2004 in Portugal, due to start next month.

Their case was finally and absolutely rejected by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) in Lausanne earlier today (May 13) following two previously unsuccessful appeals to UEFA. Those appeals came after it was revealed that Russian player Egor Titov had failed a drugs test, for which he has subsequently received a one-year ban despite protesting his innocence, before playing in the second leg of his country's play-off victory over Wales.

Somehow the Welsh FA came to the conclusion that they were the only team cheated by Titov's drugs tomfoolery, and therefore were entitled to take over the Russian fixtures at Europe's big show. The fact that Titov's actions also threw Russia's other qualification results into question seems to have been lost on the Welsh, and in particular their Secretary General David Collins. Had Wales been granted a place in Portugal at Russia's expense, this may have attracted the gaze of those involved with the Irish FA amongst others, whose national team finished third in the qualification group from which Russia advanced to the Welsh play-off.

Unpeturbed, Collins went on to explain that although they managed to convince CAS that they held jurisdiction over the affair and therefore had the power to remove the Russians, it could not be proved that the team or the Russian football authorities were implicated in Titov's admittedly dodgy behaviour. This of course, is one hundred percent true. The whole affair smacks of desperation on the part of the Welsh, who have not taken part in the finals of a major international tournament since the 1958 World Cup in Sweden. If you had to wait 46 years for something you craved, chances are you would use under-hand and desperate measures to obtain it. However, Collins was adamant that Titov's breach of the rules did have a significant effect on his and therefore his team's performance in that all-important qualifier;

"The drug had a huge effect with regard to performance and relieving the tiredness that all players involved in the play-offs felt. It's disappointing to see that drugs cheating has prevailed." said Collins.

I would agree with his sentiments, but I would also argue that while it is disappointing to see drug cheats prosper, it is also quite refreshing to see straw-clutchers fail. Wales' miserable surrender in the second leg of their play-off against Russia, in which Titov played for almost an hour, showed that they probably would have had little impact on the tournament.

Rubbing salt into the wounds even further was Russian Football Union executive director Alexander Tukmanov;

"Uefa's message was clear, you earned your right to play at the finals on the field of play, not in the courtroom. But apparently Wales thought differently, they just wouldn't stop. I think they just wasted their time and money with all their appeals." said the man who regularly wastes his federation's time and money by going to major tournaments only to come home after another disappointing performance.

All of which leaves Wales free to concentrate on their forthcoming World Cup qualifying campaign. A group that includes England and Northern Ireland should be a tantalising enough prospect for the Welsh authorities, management staff, players and fans alike to get over this disappointment quickly. The group also contains Austria, Azerbaijan and Poland but Wales will be expecting to fight it out at the top with England, with another play-off place a minimum requirement for their progressive outfit.

Let's just hope that they can get there without the need for taking their begging bowl to every court in the land. It seems that only the European Court of Human Rights have escaped a visit from the Welsh FA in recent times, and it is surely now time to concentrate on the football. I sincerely hope they do qualify for the World Cup finals in Germany in 2006, if only to finally see how stars like Ryan Giggs would perform on a major international stage.

Not at the expense of England though, of course. Wales to qualify for World Cup 2006 after a play-off against Russia? Cue the Russian appeals.

Stephen Orford
13/05/2004

776: SPL: Rangers: From despair to

by : James Prentice

Saturday May 8, 2004…just another Saturday in which players score goals; grown men hug complete strangers amidst utter delirium; and tears of joy, and of anguish, are shed.

Just another Saturday, you might think…but for Rangers, the day contained their fourth defeat of the season against Celtic, and the sixth consecutive Old Firm game in which Rangers have failed to take even a point from their greatest rivals.

The defeat was even harder for the Rangers support to endure because Chris Sutton scored Celtic’s solitary goal deep into stoppage time, ending and amazing season for the Bhoys and in turn giving the Gers that all-too-familiar sinking feeling.

But while it hurt to see Sutton score, I cannot say that the result bothered me that much. I didn’t feel like bawling my eyes out like I did as a kid, when Rangers could only draw in their last Champions’ League game in 1992, after they had come within a whisker of the old European Cup final. Maybe I’ve reached some sort of footballing nirvana, or perhaps it was simply because it was blatant that the SPL championship was heading back to Parkhead from, ooh…about mid-October.

In all seriousness, I believe that many other Rangers supporters will have felt just as nonchalant about the situation as I did. While it would have been nice for Glasgow-based supporters to walk into work obstreperously with the smuggest of grins on their faces on Monday morning after the game, the result was academic, as it is unmistakable that Celtic are the champions of Scotland on merit and Rangers have been second best in the title race for a long, long time.

The speed of Rangers’ decline many have come as a shock to some, especially after their early season form, which suggested that they had the guile to defend their championship. Realistically, there have been major problems behind the scenes at Ibrox, and those dilemmas have manifested themselves on the pitch this season.

Rangers’ most recent shortcomings came courtesy of their inadequate transfer bargaining last summer. They sold captain Barry Ferguson and defensive rock Lorenzo Amoruso to Blackburn Rovers and in addition released Dutchman Arthur Numan; three strong players – both physically and psychologically – who were invaluable to the team and adored by the supporters.

The departing legends were replaced with such class as Emerson and Egil stenstad, players that the Rangers management have recently admitted didn’t even scout before offering them contracts. On the whole, the summer signings failed abysmally. Of the players signed, the majority were undoubtedly some of the poorest that the current generation Rangers fans have ever seen don the jersey.

There was really only one good purchase - Zurab Khizanishvilli, who signed from Dundee – who showed both excellent skill and telling naivety, though over the course of the season the Georgian performed to a good standard. Former Man Utd defender Henning Berg arrived on a free transfer and performed admirably, but the board of directors’ reluctance to invest in the team meant that as far as a profitable campaign was concerned, they had sown the seeds of their own self destruction long before the season even started.

The rot that has eaten away at Rangers like a cancer started when Dick Advocaat took over as manager in 1998. While he restored Rangers to domestic dominance and improved their European status – albeit marginally – former chairman David Murray had given him carte blanche to sign players they could not afford, despite making no end of assurances to supporters of the club’s fiscal salubrity.

When Martin O’Neill arrived in 2000 to revive the battered and bruised carcass that was Celtic FC, he quickly achieved his goal of tipping the balance of power back towards the East End of Glasgow but also effectively brought Advocaat’s reign as manager to an end as he played crafty but hardly Mensa-standard mind games. Naively, Advocaat fell for his ploys.

Alex McLeish was summoned from Hibernian to try to save Rangers’ 2001/02 season, but by the time he was appointed, several of the club’s key players had departed for pastures new and Celtic were again running away with the SPL title. However McLeish managed to salvage some pride from the wreckage left by Advocaat by winning the League Cup and Scottish Cup just months after taking charge.

The following season saw Rangers win all three Scottish trophies with what was perhaps the weakest team ever to have achieved a domestic treble, and much of the debt owed for the feat was to stalwarts such as Ferguson, Amoruso, Numan and Argentinean international Claudio Caniggia.

784: Premiership managers brawl: Si

by : Colin Illingworth

From Finding Nemo to finding a winger or two to play for Newcastle next season. Both Robert and Viana now look set to leave the North East and, if Sir Bobby is going to get the fans back on side, others may follow. With Alan Shearer insisting that 2004/05 will be his last season before retiring, Robson faces a mighty task to revive the club's fortunes. Gary Speed is another who won't go on forever, and without a few shrewd purchases Newcastle could be left with too many promising youngsters in their ranks to provide a serious title challenge in the near future. There is no doubting the ability of the likes of the injured quartet mentioned earlier of Woodgate, Bellamy, Jenas and Dyer but a quick look elsewhere in the Newcastle squad shows that cracks are beginning to appear.

Shay Given is one of the Premiership's finest goalkeepers, but he is playing behind a defence which is more than suspect. Titus Bramble hasn't showed yet that he is Premiership class while Aaron Hughes is consistently asked to play out of position at right-back. Links with Tottenham's Stephen Carr seem to have gone away, and with the White Hart Lane club talking big about rebuilding their own side, Newcastle's chance to snap up the Irish international may have disappeared. On the left side of defence, though impressive in last night's game against Southampton, Olivier Bernard is prone to catastrophy of the type which Newcastle simply cannot afford if they are to get back among the big players in the Premiership.

With Robert and Viana seemingly determined to leave, the midfield area also looks bare. With Gary Speed's advancing years and Jermaine Jenas suffering a dip in form, much of the responsibility may now be on Lee Bowyer to provide the midfield drive. After a slow start to his Newcastle career he has looked very sharp in the last two or three games. That this has improvement has come since he has been tucked into the centre of midfield from a wide right position may not be a coincidence.

Up front, Shearer's boots are impossible to fill. The fitness of Craig Bellamy is always a worry but he should hold down one starting spot when fit. Alongside him the main candidates would appear to be Shola Ameobi and Michael Bridges. With Carl Cort and Lomana Lua Lua gone, Ameobi and Bridges have had plenty of opportunity but have failed to convince me that they are the future of the club's strike force. Rumours persist about a move for Bridges former Leeds United team-mate Alan Smith, but with Manchester United and Liverpool also rumoured to be interested the lack of Champions' League football could see Newcastle miss out on their man.

If he does resist a move to Tyneside on the grounds of a lack of Champions' League football next season, Smith may not be the last of Sir Bobby's summer transfer targets to take that stance. Newcastle United could be left cursing this very ordinary season for a long, long time to come. At 71 years of age he would be forgiven if he decided that he didn't need the hassle, but that seems very unlikely. He seems incapable of functioning without football in his life and looks set to continue the battle to turn the club's fortunes around.

If Aston Villa can pull off a result against a Manchester United team that might well have minds elsewhere at the weekend, Sir Bobby might yet be able to console himself with the thought that at least his team can concentrate on the league next season.

Stephen Orford
13/05/2004
Martin Tyler: Welcome to Stamford Bridge for an emotionally charged Premiership Managers Brawl as the Premierships two beaten European semi finalists managers, Claudio Ranieri and Sir Bobby Robson, come to blows as they try to salvage some pride from a miserable week for both men.
Andy Gray: And what better way to get over the disappointment of crashing out of Europe at the final hurdle is there than letting off some steam and ripping a fellow managers’ head off?
Martin: I could think of several but obviously they’d never feature on prime time TV across the globe. Both men must be hurting after their midweek exits. Who do you think has the character and stamina to pull a result out of the hat today?
Andy: My head is saying Ranieri but my heart is saying Robson. Claudio has been through the ringer this season with the constant threat of the sack looming ominously above his silver follicles but in my heart of hearts I would love to see Robson triumph, purely for the fact that he deserves some success for the years he’s devoted to the game.
Martin: Well Claudio is on a roll in this competition after destroying Fulham’s Chris Coleman in the last round and in any normal season he’d have delivered the Premiership to the Bridge.
Andy: All under the watching eyes of Red Rom who has been eager to give the Italian the axe since he arrived.
Martin: There’s no denying the fact that Ranieri has the inner strength and determination to succeed but let’s not discount Sir Bobby.
Andy: Well we can’t really. The old man has managed at the highest level both at home and abroad, domestically and internationally. He has bags of experience and if anybody can stop the Italian from victory it will be him.
Martin: The Tinkerman Vs The Elderly Statesman… It is a fight that has split the football world right down the middle. Two of the games good guys go head to head and there can only be one winner. Half of the country are backing the former national boss Robson out of respect for his efforts and dedication while the other 50% are cheering on the wily Italian, everybody’s favourite Italian.
Andy: Woah, hold it a minute. Not to me he isn’t … Mario at Perfect Pizza’s my favourite Italian. Those Perfect Pizza specials are absolutely out of this world!
Martin: We’ll have less of that Mr Gray. You get enough money to buy your own pizza outlet, surely you don’t need to try and blag freebies.
Andy: Hey it’s perks of being a celebrity!
Martin: Well both men are waiting in the wings so, quickly, who is the smart money on?
Andy: The bookies have installed Ranieri as strong favourite at 1/5 with Robson, slightly older and slower, at 10/1, which is a seriously good bet. But, if you think Gazza will show up and help his former England manager then you’ll get odds of 25/1. If you think that Blur’s Damon Albarn might show up and throw a few punches there’s odds of 33/1 but if you think Ken Bates will shake hands with Roman Abramovich, not only should you be locked up in a secure ward, but you’ll be throwing your money down the drain.
Martin: Yeah but what are the odds of that?
Andy: A whopping 1000/1!
Martin: Surely there’s worth a quid?
Andy: Don’t you remember the end of Ranieri’s last fight? Bates and Abramovich were at it like Lee Chapman and old trout face herself Leslie Ash!
Martin: I don’t want to think about it!!! … Well all the waiting is over … a place in the semi finals is on the line … who’s going to claim their second semi of the season?
Andy: If I was 15 again that would have sounded so perverse and funny.
Martin: Sometimes I wonder how old you really are … Ranieri or Robson for the semi final of PMB but who? Let’s head down to ringside for the ring introductions.
Ring announcer: Laaaadiiieeeesssss and geenttllleemmmeeen … it’s shhhhhooooow tttttiiimmmme … let’s get ready to ruuuuummmmmbbblllleeee!
Andy: I wish he’d just get on with it!
Ring announcer: Introducing first fighting out of the blue corner, representing Chelsea, weighing in at 10 and a half stone, and standing tall at 5ft 10, it’s the self proclaimed Tinkerman, it’s ‘Ruthless’ Claaauuuuddddiiooo Rannnnniiiieeeerrrriii!
The Bridge goes wild as their coach confidently struts down to ringside to the sound of Blur’s On Your Own.
Martin: They adore him. He could come down and burn the Union Jack and we’d still like him.
Andy: I don’t think so!

783: PREMIERSHIP: Newcastle United

by : Stephen Orford

At long, long last, the battle that nobody wanted to win seems over. Only a scandal that would make the 1978 Peru World Cup team blush can now prevent Liverpool from stumbling across the Premiership finish line in fourth place, thus securing the final Champions' League qualification place on offer. Newcastle's heart-stopping 3-3 draw with Southampton last night (May 12) has finally ruled them out, and it is far from certain that they will take the one remaining UEFA Cup spot up for grabs this year.

It's all Millwall's fault, of course. Their heroic run to the FA Cup final has guaranteed them a UEFA Cup place, with their opponents in the May showpiece Manchester United already assured of their annual Champions' League campaign. This means that sixth place in the Premiership is not going to be good enough, and with Aston Villa waiting to pounce, it is just possible that Newcastle could start 2004/05 with no European football whatsoever.

Incredibly, impossibly, Newcastle manager Sir Bobby Robson now finds his position at the club under real threat in the face of some angry criticism from fans. A creditable third in last season's Premiership, Newcastle looked all set to mount a serious challenge for this year's title. That it has not come to pass is surprising enough, but the fact that they were out of the race by mid-November is almost unfathomable. Sir Bobby has today (May 13) blamed their away form for their failure to secure Champions' League football. With only two victories away from St.James' Park all season they have hardly covered themselves in glory on their travels. However, there are other factors then merely a touch of travel sickness which have also hindered the Toon Army's progress.

It all started to go horribly wrong as early as August. Up until then pre-Champions' League qualifiers were thought to be routine matters. They were treated as nothing more than an annoying distraction which invariably led to a shortening of staff holidays. That was until Partizan Belgrade were paired with Newcastle United for the right to enter the group stages of this ultimately shock-filled Champions' League campaign. The teams could not be separated over the two legs and it all came down to a penalty shoot-out. The Toons failure to hit a cows backside with a banjo from twelve yards was to cost them dearly. It was Partizan who advanced to a money-spinning Champions' League group containing Real Madrid, Marseille and Porto, while Newcastle had to settle for a UEFA Cup campaign.

That campaign only came to an end last week at the semi-final stage. The 2-0 second leg defeat to Marseille (who themselves had clearly shown they were not good enough to get out of what turned out to be a rather tough group) came in the midst of an injury crisis that would have tested a squad the size of Chelsea's. With Woodgate, Bellamy, Jenas and Dyer all spending lengthy spells on the sidelines at various times this season, the dam was bound to burst. The beleagured squad was then asked to pick itself up from its European dissapointment to produce three victories in a row against Wolves, Southampton and Liverpool to salvage their season.

From the moment Alan Shearer's penalty was pushed aside by Wolverhampton goalkeeper Paul Jones it was always going to be a doomed mission. A 1-1 draw left them needing two away victories in a row, remembering that they had achieved only two all season and none since October in the Premiership, to take fourth spot. Not helping matters was the fact that the fans began to turn on the team during this most testing of times. The boos could be heard from miles around as Hugo Viana replaced Laurent Robert during the Wolves game. Some reported that Robert was being booed off, while others suggested that the booing was caused by Viana's entrance. The reality is probably that neither player has endeared themselves to the Newcastle public with their inconsistent wing displays and tendancy to provide a sound-bite or two which have not always been positive and helpful to the cause. However, the Newcastle fans' dissent is still hard to fathom given that it is not so long ago that their team were playing their football outside the top flight. Like their counterparts at Chelsea, some Newcastle United fans appear to have all the powers of memory of a Blue Tang fish from a certain Disney animated film.

780: NATIONWIDE: Div 1 play-offs: f

by : Chris Sherrard

The most knife-edge, nerve-jangling heartbreaking race of all is about to get underway. Play-off fever is set to strike around the country. For three clubs, all the tension, drama and energy will have been worth it. For the nine clubs who miss out on promotion over the next couple of weeks, the play-offs will be cursed and damned and condemned as unfair. No matter who you support, however, there can be no denying the sheer theatre of it all.

The race for the final spot in next season’s Premiership gets going over the next couple of days. The chance to rejoin the top drawer of English football is too good an opportunity to consider lightly. And the contenders for the play-offs this time around all have a valuable ingredient – recent experience of the top flight.

Among the four in the charge are Mick McCarthy’s Sunderland and Alan Pardew’s West Ham United. Both of whom are aiming to bounce back at the first attempt. The other two sides – Crystal Palace and Ipswich Town – have both played Premiership football themselves in the not-too-distant past. It’s a tough one to call.

The bookmakers have The Hammers as slight favourites and that’s probably about right but their inconsistency this season offers the other sides in the hunt a decent shot at glory.

Sunderland, led by a man who has managed in a World Cup finals, have had it hard of late but they have settled under their new manager and looked dangerous in stages this season. Almost unbeatable at the fortress that is the Stadium of Light, Sunderland will fancy their chances of regaining top-flight status. Their players are by no means the best in the division but their team spirit and determinism is unquestionable.

Standing in their way will be the in-form Crystal Palace who have come from nowhere to the top-six in a short period of time thanks to one reason – Iain Dowie. The former Oldham manager has been fabulous since he took over at Selhurst Park and is the major difference between a winning Palace and the struggling one he inherited. There is now a winning mentality within the club and that is hard to play against. On paper it would appear that Sunderland will be fighting it out in Cardiff’s final but ruling out Dowie’s battling army would be foolish and ill-advised.

Ipswich, without a win in three games, have found the play-offs coming at a bad time. Joe Royal is another who has done wonders in bringing his club back into the hunt after a poor campaign last year. Royal knows what it takes to win the play-offs, though, and that could prove crucial. Alan Pardew, after seeing his unfancied Reading side crash out in the semi-finals last season, leads an infinitely more talented West Ham this time around. With a massive stadium, the highest average attendenace in the division and some real quality in the side, United looks like a team who feels their rightful place is in the Premiership. It won’t be as easy as it seems, however. But any team that has Marlon Harewood in attack will always pose a genuine goal threat and he is backed up by a handful of young, bustling players eager for a shot at the big time again.

Someone is a giant leap away from the glamour, glory and, most importantly, cash of the Premiership. The difference between success and failure is a massive one for the sides involved in the play-offs. There can be no denying the battle ahead for the eventual winners in the ever-competitive top-flight, but one thing is certain – all the teams involved would love to take it on.

Chris Sherrard
13/05/2004

782: NATIONWIDE: The play-offs are

by : Colin Illingworth

What promises more goalmouth action than an Arsenal-Leeds game, more passion than a scene from nine and a half weeks, and more action than an old school Arnie flick?

No I’m not talking about the off field antics of David Beckham, I’m referring to, of course, the Nationwide league playoffs which kick off this weekend. For sheer entertainment this end of season finale cannot be beaten.

The players love them, television bosses love them, managers love them, and more importantly so do the fans. All of them that is except those who’ve finished third (fourth in the lower leagues) who believe that they have earned the right to be promoted. Take Bristol City and Huddersfield for example. City narrowly missed out on automatic promotion to the first division by a single point and The Terriers feel even more aggrieved after just missing out on goal difference.

Before the playoffs were introduced these two sides would rightfully be plying their trade at another level but what would have happened to the other teams in the league?

With not even an outside chance of promotion the league would be as interesting as listening to the manager of East Stirling talking about defending! Teams, safe from relegation in March but no chance of promotion, would end up playing out the season with a number of meaningless games. Not forgetting the current financial climate, clubs would lose thousands through gate receipts, advertisers and television.

Yes I agree the league is a testament to a side’s consistency throughout a whole season and that should be rewarded, but you’ve got to think about the whole picture. The play offs are a massive part of the football calendar and a huge form of income for clubs. It gives the chasing pack a golden carrot to chase and they fight for that chance like Lee Chapman and Leslie Ash in a locked room! There are no meaningless fixtures and teams are fighting up until the very last day of the season.

Defeat at this stage for City and Huddersfield will cause heartbreak but the joy of winning at the Millennium Stadium can equal the jubilation of a cup final win. Football is all about emotion and the playoffs provide more than their fair share. They produce everything that makes football the great sport that it is, passion, excitement, goals, drama, and emotion, by the shed load.

The argument to scrap the playoffs always crops up at this time of the year but we all know the score before a ball’s been kicked. It’s not as if some hot shot from the FA comes out in April and says, “Sorry lads but you know how you’re 15 points ahead of the pack, well we’re going to introduce a new competition to give them a chance”.

The playoffs have been in place for over 15 years and whether you like it or not they are here to stay and I for one would rather watch the drama of these unfold than another David Beckham sex scandal!

Colin Illingworth
13/05/2004

773: PREMIERSHIP: Who will replace

by : Steve Heald

Judging by Ruud Van Nistelrooy’s body language at Old Trafford in the last home match of the season, he won’t be at Old Trafford next season. At least that is the view of various United followers, as he turned in most listless performance ever in the United red. Those same followers based their view however on a prolonged spell of hand waving by the moody Dutchman, transcribed by the recipients in Uniteds North Stand as “That’s it! He’s definitely on his way!”

Speculation is often built on such flimsy circumstances, but it is not hard to suspect all is not well at Old Trafford for the horseman. Until he pounced towards the end of the Chelsea game his goal record has been curiously low for 2004 compared to his previous 2 seasons as the club.

Niggling injuries and a lack of service can be used to explain such problems, but I expect both would be swatted by Nistelrooy. He has given his all for the cause, particularly last season, to ensure United achieved silverware. Surely a club the size of United should be able to find squad members who can take the pressure of the big man? If he ain’t getting the service why should he hang around when there are plenty of clubs around who could? Throw in a nice pay rise and possibly a better lifestyle in Madrid and you can understand Ruud may be tempted.

Furthermore perhaps United have missed Beckham far more than anyone anticipated. Perhaps the opportunity to link up with the golden one and thrive off his passing and crosses may be another positive factor linking van Nistelrooy to Real Madrid.

It is curious that United a year ago based their whole game around Van
Nistelrooy. A more direct approach was taken around January 2003 which enabled getting the ball upfield to van Nistelrooy as quickly as possible. Sometimes it wasn’t pretty, but it was effective, as the Dutchman was the key difference in the end as United squeezed past Arsenal for the title last year. Perhaps that high-octane reliance on one man has taken it’s toll and this winter the past year caught up on him. Unfortunately for the United fans they don’t see it like that and stare depressingly at the prospect of another top player allowed to leave for a Champions League rival.

So who do United look towards? There will be players all over the world currently under scrutiny and United may unearth a relative unknown to take his place. A year ago Djemba-Djemba was such a player…and some may say they wish he was still a complete unknown. Probably rather harsh this view, but it will lead United fans to look closely within this country in the hope Alex Ferguson will sign a player already familiar to them from the Premiership.

Four players immediately fall into this category who are available. First up, Chelsea cast-offs Eidur Gudjohnsen and Jimmy-Floyd Hasseilbank. Both probably will be pushed further down the Chelsea pecking order as Abramovich prepares to indulge his one man fantasy football team further. Gudjohnsen will be a hard one to prize away as he may still have a future at the club, but the opportunity to return North and regular first team football may provide a window of opportunity. Hasselbaink may be a controversial choice, but on a short contract can still do a job and would appreciate regular opportunities. Fergie has been happy to indulge players with suspect temperaments in the past so possibly he could be a useful replacement.

Alan Smith is option number 2, but I think there is more chance of Fergie signing Nicolas Anelka…ie none. He would be a useful member of the squad with his vigour and aggression and would fit in well but I still can’t see such a loyal Leeds lad wanting to play for ‘the enemy’. Money and opportunity may talk louder, but I can’t see it.

Finally the fourth, and possibly riskiest, would be Henri Camara of Wolves. Fast, direct, and towards the end of the season was actually able to hit a cows backside, in a good side he may prove a real handful. Teamed up with Saha the pace up front would scare most defences.

Anyway, as a Man City fan I’m hoping Keegan is reading this and tries to buy any of the 4 above. If he can flog Anelka to United at a huge profit into the bargain then I’d be very happy with that!

Steve Heald
10/05/2004

778: PREMIERSHIP: Tottenham - just

by : Stephen Orford

The on-going and seemingly endless saga at Tottenham Hotspur continues today (May 12) with the news that three senior players are to be released at the end of the season. Darren Anderton, Christian Ziege and Gus Poyet have reached the end of the road at Spurs which could indicate a shift towards youth in the club's future.

The bewildering aspect of all of this is that the decisions to dispense with the services of these players, while not altogether surprising in themselves, have been taken while the club continues to search for a manager. This raises all sorts of questions about who made the decision not to retain these players and leads us back to David Pleat's favourite subject, that of the mystery new man who has already agreed to take over next season.

The people at Spurs are either very good at keeping a secret or else Mr Pleat has been taking us all for a ride. Going for a ride with Pleat is not a prospect that many would relish, particularly if it was dark outside. Still, as the days and months go by without a successor to Glenn Hoddle being named, it becomes more and more probable that the Tottenham board haven't got a clue who the new man is. The list of names in the frame is endless, which again is no surprise given the length of time that the tabloid boys have had to speculate over this one. Favourites at the moment include soon to be sacked Claudio Ranieri of Chelsea, Harry Redknapp of Portsmouth and of course the one that won't go away whenever any Premiership job is up for grabs, Martin O'Neill. At the moment Ranieri seems a decent bet. Despite comments today (May 12) from Peter Kenyon stating that no decision has been made about Chelsea's future management plans, there are few who believe that the Tinkerman's job won't be tinkered with.

Redknapp too seems to be in the midst of a spat with his current employers. Reports surfaced earlier in the week suggesting that Portsmouth Chairman Milan Mandaric wanted to employ a new coach at Fratton Park and that furthermore, he wanted that man to be from somewhere outside the British Isles. In typical fashion Harry baulked at the prospect, insisting that he was quite happy with his present coaching team of Jim Smith and Kevin Bond, and that any new coach he might employ would definitely be British. Harry's apparent xenophobia might just lead him to White Hart Lane yet, but doubts remain. Tottenham is a club in need of lavish investment on playing staff, particularly in the light of today's releases, and the fans are unlikely to be content with a man who specialises in cheap last-minute deals.

The concept of Martin O'Neill joining Tottenham is one that I find hard to imagine. Where he to do so, it would be a decision stranger than Dado Prso's decision to leave Champions' League finalists Monaco for perennial SPL runners-up and Champions' League also-rans Glasgow Rangers. At Celtic, O'Neill is virtually guaranteed Champions' League football every year, not to mention the chance to lift the odd pot or two. He is unlikely to want to swap this for the opportunity to mix it with the likes of Middlesbrough, Blackburn and Everton in the middle of the Premiership.

Whoever has made the decisions to release Anderton, Ziege and Poyet seems to have got it right. After twelve years at the club, Anderton's appearances in a Tottenham shirt are becoming rare indeed. At 32, a move back to Portsmouth might not be out of the question, whether or not Redknapp remains at the Fratton Park helm. A veteran of over 300 Tottenham appearances and at one time a regular England international, Anderton still has something to offer if he can stay fit. However, Tottenham's need to escape the lower reaches of the Premiership has become urgent and the time is now right to bid him farewell. However, his release does call into question the decision to offer Jamie Redknapp a new one-year deal. On the face of it it seems that Anderton was released because he is an injury-prone player past his best as he enters his early 30's. Does this ring any bells Jamie? Strange indeed, but strange seems to be the Tottenham speciality at the moment.

Not so strange is the exit of Christian Ziege after three years at the club. Signed from Liverpool in 2001 Ziege has suffered a succession of horrific injuries during his time at White Hart Lane, and apparently came very close to losing a leg at one point. Injuries aside, he is now a shadow of the player who took Euro 96 by storm with his raids down the left side which helped Germany carry off the title at Wembley. Spells at AC Milan, Middlesbrough and Liverpool followed but it could reasonably be argued that Ziege is not a player who has fulfilled his potential. He is certainly not the future of a so-called ambitious Premiership club, and his release is another which should surprise nobody.

And finally we come to Poyet. Signed by Glenn Hoddle from Chelsea after achieving much success at the Bridge, he failed to bring his medal-winning potential to Tottenham. Of course, it would be a test for Jesus Christ himself to win medals in a team containing Gary Doherty, but Poyet has not shown the form that made him a favourite at Chelsea as he has advanced in years. He is likely to retire from English football at least, and Spurs may now look to add a goalscoring midfielder of his type to their ranks.

If they are to recapture their glory days Tottenham's squad will require more surgery than Anderton, Ziege and Poyet have had between them. The trouble is, I don't think they know who the surgeon is.

Stephen Orford
12/05/2004

777: PREMIERSHIP: Only Morgan is ac

by : Stephen Orford

Those players all left Ibrox in the summer of 2003, and as aforementioned, Rangers did not replace like for like, and McLeish brought weak and ineffective journeymen into the club. While the Gers made an excellent start to their campaign, defeat by Celtic in the first Old Firm encounter was a prophecy of what was to come.

Over the course of several years, Rangers had tried to go one step further than they already had and attempted to achieve success on the European stage whilst continuing to dominate Scottish football. Instead of doing this, they have taken several strides back with a combination of poor displays on the pitch including an inability to win vital matches, especially those against Celtic; poor dealing in the transfer market, which has seen good players leave and their places taken by poor or ineffective ones; and short-sighted financial decisions, which have often been gambles taken in the hope of future successes that have not always been achievable.

Today, Rangers stand in a perilous financial situation very similar to Leeds United’s current plight, but without relegation or such extensive media coverage to contend with. While managers and players dictate what happens on the pitch, decisions taken off it invariably affect the team’s performance, which means that the blame for Rangers’ compromising position must lie solely at the door of owner David Murray.

Murray abdicated his role as chairman last year, preferring to take a backseat and have a front man handle the day to day running of the club while he seemingly pulled the strings from afar. This may have been a wise decision, as he has escaped much criticism for his part in Rangers’ downfall. While Murray improved Rangers’ fortunes in the 1980s and 90s, he has successfully turned the club into an insolvent laughing stock, with a team that has been slowly broken up into nothing and a bank balance that even Roman Abrahmovic would look twice at before paying off like he would his newsagent’s bill.

Murray makes an incredible amount of money from Rangers – from merchandising, advertising and catering contracts to name but a few avenues. But even though he has amassed a personal fortune through his business empire, he is not investing any of it back into the club he claims to love. All he has offered to Rangers is an interest-free loan to help pay off some of their creditors, which most loyal supporters felt utterly insulted by.

Alex McLeish has been given no guarantee of funds to buy players for the new season, and must rely on a mixture of free transfers and Bosman players to restructure his ailing side. McLeish has, however, already signed four new players to try to break Celtic’s stranglehold on the domestic scene, although he is running the risk of receiving the sack due to a poor season and his failure to beat the other half of the Old Firm for six consecutive matches. Many supporters believe that if the team does not make a first-rate start to the 2004/05 campaign and beat Celtic in at least one of the clubs’ first two encounters, he will be forced jump ship, if he is not pushed first.

While there is some hope on the field with quality additions to the squad such as Dado Prso and Jean-Alain Boumsong, coupled with the club’s outgoings reportedly having been reduced considerably over the last year, if McLeish starts the season badly and leaves the debt-ridden club in a state of anguish and disarray, Rangers supporters will be left asking the question: where on earth do we go from here?

James Prentice
12/05/2004The prospect of two men squabbling over which of them should be allowed to plough their millions into Liverpool Football Club may seem a bit like two bald men fighting over a comb, but this is exactly what is making the sports headlines today (May 12).

Following an offer of between 40 and 65 million pounds (depending on which newspaper you read and on whether you believe it) for a thirty percent stake in the club from Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, local building magnate Steve Morgan has usurped that bid with one of his own said to be worth around 73 million pounds. The Liverpool board is now faced with the dilemma of whose money, if any, to accept.

On the face of it accepting such large investment from either party might be fraught with danger. There will be those who will warn against following pied pipers as Liverpool strive to get back to the summit of English and European football. Such a lofty position has not been held by Liverpool since the 1980's, and Morgan stated this as a clear aim as he attempted to rally the fans and the board to his cause. For his part, Shinawatra is adamant that he will not be upping the stakes in response to Morgan's bid.

The great trouble with allowing any one individual to invest so heavily in your club is that you leave yourself open to allowing that person too much power within the club. Only a year ago it would have been unthinkable that the fortunes of Chelsea Football Club would be intrusted to a Russian billionaire, but that is exactly what has come to pass. For the most part, fans are happy to accept this initially. Though Roman Abramovich may still not be able to wax lyrical about the Chelsea careers of the likes of Doug Rougvie and David Speedie, many fans are prepared to believe that he is a supporter with the best interests of the club at heart. However, if Abramovich ever decides that he is a trifle miffed with life at Stamford Bridge and takes his considerable financial muscle away, Chelsea could be left counting the costs of embracing a sugar daddy for years to come.

Illogical, cash-fuelled thinking that could lead to Shinawatra taking up a strong position at Anfield. As Thai Prime Minister, he is a man who is leading a country with a less than desirable human rights record, sparking Amnesty International to raise concerns about his possible involvement with one of England's biggest football clubs. If there is controversy about whether or not the England cricket team should visit Zimbabwe, how can Liverpool justify any links with another nation with a less than squeaky clean image?

Further to that, he intends to raise the money for his bid through public funds. Imagine if you will a scenario in which Tony Blair raises taxes to finance a takeover bid at Real Madrid or AC Milan. Except of course, you cannot imagine that. It is infeasible. Politics and football rarely mix, despite what Silvio Berlusconi might claim, and the idea that Shinawatra would be buying an interest in Liverpool for his nation is a hard one to believe. If, as is alleged, he spends much of his time repressing his people, why on Earth would he want to offer them the supposed 'gift' of a Premiership football club?

There was much amusement earlier this week when Shinawatra was asked by journalists to name his favourite Liverpool players. After the most awkward of silences he managed to blurt out the name of Michael Owen, and at least stopped short of nominating Wayne Rooney, but it is clear that his knowledge of Liverpool Football Club cannot rival that of Morgan.

Morgan's problem seems to be his history with the Liverpool board. He made more than a few waves at the club's Annual General Meeting when he was highly, and justifiably, critical of the team's recent performances and questioned the direction in which Gerard Houllier was taking the club. Known to be opposed to Houllier's stewardship of the team, Morgan would almost certainly push for a replacement to be brought in should he obtain a place on the board. All of which leaves David Moores in a tricky position. He has more or less commited to leaving Houllier in place for the start of next season at least, and a dissenting voice may not be to his liking.

For the good of Liverpool Football Club, and possibly the reputation of the English game as a whole, Moores should bury his misgivings about Morgan and accept his help, or else reject both bids. The latter seems unlikely, especially with the club in need of a huge injection (and I am not talking about inserting a charisma serum into Houllier's backside) if it is to compete on a level footing with the new big three of Arsenal, Manchester United and Chelsea. Whatever the ramifications of working with Morgan, Moores would have to concede that the property man has never abused human rights or attempted to raise taxes, and that he could probably name more than two Liverpool players if pressed.

Perhaps the Liverpool board entertained Shinawatra's proposal in order to provoke exactly the kind of response that has followed from Morgan. Perhaps that is to credit them with too much cunning and intelligence. The sight of club executives like Rick Parry carrying out traditional Thai greetings when they met with Shinawatra was frankly vomit-inducing. It is high time that the powers that be at the once mighty Anfield swallowed their pride and worked together, with or without the seemingly ambitious and genuine Morgan, to rebuild Liverpool into the force it once was.

It would be nice if they could do it without dragging the club's name through the mud in the process by getting into bed with controversial politicians whose advances are less than welcome.

Stephen Orford.
12/05/2004

772: PREMIERSHIP: Leeds United worr

by : Stephen Orford

The relegation of Leeds United to the first division of the Football League was all but confirmed after last week's desparate 4-1 loss to Bolton Wanderers (May 2). Now, following a 3-3 draw with Charlton Athletic on Saturday (May 8) even a mathematical miracle that would have given Carol Vorderman a headache cannot save the West Yorkshire outfit from the drop.

The writing has been on the wall for Leeds United for some time. They made a shocking start to this season's campaign under Peter Reid, winning only two of their first fourteen Premiership matches. This run left Reid, the man who had come in to replace Terry Venables and who had done so much to stave off relegation the previous season, looking for another job. His Elland Road reign had lasted only eight months and his departure left many scratching their heads to work out why he was appointed in the first place.

In truth, he was handed an almost impossible task. A famous win at Arsenal saved Leeds' bacon at the end of last season, but that victory seemed merely to be papering over the cracks at the crisis-torn club. By then, Leeds were already paying the price for their flambouyant spending under the Chairmanship of Peter Ridsdale. Ridsdale took Leeds on a spending spree that was to bring the club to the dizzy heights of the Champions' League semi-finals and to within striking distance of a Premiership title, but it was also to bring the club finally, helplessly to its knees. The high profile sale of Rio Ferdinand to bitter rivals Manchester United started the Elland Road auctions as a seemingly endless stream of stars headed for the exits. Robbies Fowler and Keane, Olivier Dacourt, Jonathan Woodgate, Harry Kewell and Lee Bowyer all had to be released to lessen the financial burden on the club as it began to bleed internally under the strain.

Most of those players were sold for considerably less than their market value as clubs capitalised on Leeds' catastrophic plight. To their credit, they did manage to hold on to a few of their stars with internationals such as Paul Robinson, Ian Harte, Alan Smith and Mark Viduka remaining at the club to fight the good fight. Now, it looks as if those players will also have to be removed from the wage bill with Alan Smith among the first to confirm that life in the Football League is not for him. Among all the accusations of lack of effort, spirit and fight levelled at the Leeds United playing staff this season Smith has been the one player who has seemed immune to criticism. A life-long Leeds fan, it is perceived by most Leeds fans that if every other player had given as much to the cause as Smith has, then the club would probably be in a much stronger position both on and off the pitch.

While Smith has received the few pats on the back on offer at Elland Road, it is his strike partner Mark Viduka who has been the target of much of the fans ire. It is perhaps because he possesses a large amount of talent that Viduka has felt the full wrath of the fans. The perception is that he has not given his all for the club during their hour of mortal need. A quick look at the stats tell us that the former Celtic man is the club's top scorer this season with 11 goals, but that contribution has been mixed with some erratic behaviour both on and off the field. Viduka has been red-carded twice this season for behaviour that would not have been out of place on the school playground. On one occasion he turned a yellow card into a red one by needlessly hoofing the ball away after being flagged offside. Also, it seems that barely a week goes by without Viduka falling out with somebody at the club, usually the manager, sparking widespread speculation about a possible transfer. That transfer now looks a certainty as Viduka, like Smith, is unlikely to relish the prospect of playing outside the Premiership.

Another man who will be relieved of his duties at Elland Road is manager Eddie Gray. Gray came in to replace Reid after the former Sunderland manager was sacked, but like Reid Gray was never in with a realistic chance of rescuing a squad ravaged by the need to balance the books. He has now been offered a consultancy role at the club, who say they are in no rush to name a permanent successor. Quite what a consultancy role entails in anyone's guess. Recent football history is littered with examples of managers being shoved either sideways or upstairs when a club has not got the heart to actually sack them. It wouldn't be too surprising to see Gray finally leave the club if he feels his role is not one which gives him enough involvement. Also, there is the question of whether or not Leeds United need a consultant on the payroll given their massive financial problems. For now, Kevin Blackwell will take over coaching responsibilities for the final game of the season against Chelsea where pride alone would seem to be the prize.

Whether Leeds United can be a force in the first division is open to debate. Much will depend on who they finally get in to take control following the ousting of Gray, and on exactly how many players they are forced to sell. The first division is a notoriously difficult one to escape from, and there are many who believe that Leeds' only realistic chance of doing so is by the trap door into the second division. Comparisons have already been made with what has happened to Sheffield Wednesday in recent years. Premiership high flyers just a few short seasons ago, Wednesday now serve up the most abject fare and seem to be a club going nowhere under the present administration. That fate could await Leeds if steps are not taken to ensure that they mount an immediate challenge for promotion from division one.

The Champions' League semi finals must seem like a very, very long time ago.

Stephen Orford
10/05/2004

774: PREMIERSHIP: Ranieri is the ma

by : Alex Wolstenholme

Presumably at some time over the summer, Tottenham Hotspur will at last appoint a new permanent manager to replace Glenn Hoddle after nearly a season under the caretaker stewardship of David Pleat.

The importance of this appointment cannot be understated as Spurs attempt to reclaim their status as one of the big clubs in the English game.

Since the advent of the Premiership, Spurs have tried returning heroes (Hoddle and Ossie Ardiles), foreign coaches (Christian Gross), ex-Arsenal managers (George Graham) and managers who have done well at `smaller` clubs (Gerry Francis).

To varying degrees, all of them have failed with only Graham bringing in some silverware despite the services of players such as Sheringham, Klinnsman and Rebrov.

The success of Arsenal, just up the road on similar gates and with a similar capacity stadium has only gone to highlight Tottenham’s failures.

All of this makes the next managerial appointment a massive one. The new boss will have something to work with. Despite his image as something of a comedy figure amongst the press, David Pleat has overseen the arrival of some very good young players to the club. Keane, Defoe and Davies are three players who would be prized by any other club in the country, crowds remain extremely good and the club does appear to be one of the better run in the country, despite the occasional king size clanger in the transfer market over the last few years.

But who will it be? The tabloids have already handed the job to a bewildering array of names including Claudio Ranieri, Alan Curbishley and Martin O’Neill. The latest exclusive has David Pleat being forced out as Director of Football to be replaced by a `dream team` of Giovanni Trappatoni and Peter Taylor, which sounds as though the newspapers have simply put all the names into a hat and picked out two to be the managerial partnership at White Hart Lane.

These so-called `dream team` partnerships rarely work in football at the best of times and Tottenham need a manager who can lay down some solid foundations over the next couple of years. O’Neill is clearly the outstanding candidate (for any Premiership vacancy) but with another crack at the Champions League next season it’s very hard to see him swapping Celtic Park for the middle of the table down south.

Ranieri may then be the answer. His record is one of building solid, defensively sound teams who are then taken on to the next level by a new coach (Hector Cuper at Valencia for example), a pattern that looks like being repeated at Chelsea. Tottenham are at exactly the right stage for the Italian to continue his love affair with English football.

Alex Wolstenholme
10/05/2004

775: PREMIERSHIP: Liverpool will ri

by : Antony Melvin

Liverpool’s previously reported £30 transfer kitty is now certain to be boosted by the news that shareholder Steve Morgan has launched a £73m counter-bid to Thaksin Shinawatra’s reported £75m injection. Both bids contain an element of transfer expenditure and it would be unsurprising if Liverpool were now able to spend £40m before player sales are needed.

As a number of the Liverpool players are not up to the job, their sales could see Liverpool build up a transfer kitty of around £60m – enough to challenge any purchase that Chelsea could make and enough to dwarf the expenditure of teams like Manchester United and Arsenal. United are unlikely to spend more than £30m, whereas Arsenal probably have less than £10m spare.

Both deals mean that Steven Gerrard is now completely unsaleable and that Michael Owen will probably stay. On top of these the probable purchases of Cisse and Mexes will start to augment a squad that has more quantity than quality. Perhaps a previously ludicrous David Beckham purchase is now possible. At £20m he could create a devastating midfield partnership with Gerrard. Other names in the frame include Trabelsi and Geremi. All these players could now join Liverpool and transform their fortunes.

Even the most cursory glance at the potential investors shows that the Steve Morgan bid will appeal to the majority of Liverpool fans. Mainly because the Thai Prime Minister is not the white knight that too many people were hoping he was.

The Thai government have a questionable record on human rights, due mainly to a shoot-to-kill policy on drug offenders that saw over 2,500 deaths in just 3 months last year. According to Pradit Chareonthaitawee, of the national human rights committee, around half of the deaths were believed to be of innocent bystanders. This turns a seemingly vigorous domestic policy that is of no concern internationally into a serious human rights issue.

The Thai Prime Minister was also an avid Manchester United fan just a couple of years ago and has tried to buy chunks of both United and Fulham. Add this to his stuttering television performance shown today (11 May) where he was only able to name two Liverpool players (we’ll give him Baros) and you get the impression that he is not the lifelong fan that he claims to be.

The Steve Morgan deal, according to reports in today’s Liverpool Echo, would mean an underwritten £61m investment by Morgan as well as £12m of shares being made available to fans at £175 each. This deal has a populist touch and is from a genuine fan.

Surely one deal or the other will be accepted by the Liverpool board, and although both deals will dilute Chairman David Moores shareholding the Thai deal will see him maintain a controlling interest. If Steve Morgan has a similar sharebase then some kind of power struggle is inevitable. Whether the publicity-phobic Moores would have the stomach for the struggle is debateable.

So Moores and the Liverpool board must decide how much they love their jobs – and how much they love Liverpool. Morgan may well sack the board and the manager, whereas Shinawatra will probably be more of a sleeping investor. So will the turkeys on the Liverpool board vote for Christmas?

Whichever way this one falls Liverpool will have the funds to make a serious title bid next season – a laughable proposition just a week ago.

Antony Melvin
11/05/2004

771: PREMIERSHIP: Will Sir Alex sac

by : David Hulott

An FA Cup final appearance, 3rd place finish in the Premiership and reaching the last 16 of the Champions League would be deemed a great success for the vast majority of clubs. Manchester United have higher expectations than most though and this season has been anything but a memorable one given their recent history.

It’s not just that they have failed to secure silverware in the league or Europe, but that they look to have taken a fairly substantial backwards step in the past year. The argument is that the club is merely going through a transitional period, as Sir Alex Ferguson dismantles the side that has served him so well over the past decade and brings in new players, whilst others cite the lengthy suspension handed out to Rio Ferdinand as a reason for the downturn.

Where the case for the defence breaks down is that the quality of players moving to Old Trafford in recent years has, despite hefty expenditure, tended to look well below the requisite level to maintain United as a dominant force. There is also little sign of a new generation of players coming through the youth ranks at the club, while Chelsea have now usurped the Red Devils as the main players in the domestic transfer market. The loss of Ferdinand has certainly had an impact, but anyone who believes that his availability alone would have had a dramatic effect on the race for honours is donning sepia tinted spectacles.

With the departure of David Beckham and Juan Sebastian Veron last summer, United are beginning to fall behind Arsenal and Chelsea in terms of recognised names, which must have an adverse effect on the club’s marketing machine (and can’t have gone down well with the prawn sandwich brigade). Despite all the denials, it now appears that Ruud van Nistelrooy could be the next big name exit, with the respected Spanish sports newspaper Marca seemingly convinced that the equine-headed one is on his way to Real Madrid, with the respective clubs already said to have held talks.

Whilst such a move would certainly not go down well with the Old Trafford faithful, it does appear that the Dutch striker might well be responsive to such a deal. Were it to materialise, the need for Ferguson to spend big in the summer on major recruits would be of paramount importance if the club are to be truly competitive both domestically and in Europe next term. It will be interesting to see to what degree the board are prepared to back Ferguson in the transfer market, or whether the interests of shareholders will restrict the available funds (I’m sure we can all think of a couple of major investors who won’t be keen on the current manager going on a spending spree)?

The aforementioned article in Marca indicated that United would be making a bid for Steven Gerrard should Van Nistelrooy depart for the Spanish capital. It would certainly be a great transfer coup for Ferguson, but whether Gerrard would be prepared to accept the resentment that such a move would bring in his home city has to be doubted. Additionally, if rumours that Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra is set to make a multi-million pound investment in Liverpool are correct, there would seem precious little appeal in the Scousers selling their top player.

There could be more hope in going back for one of last summer’s targets, with Damien Duff’s position at Stamford Bridge seemingly under threat from the imminent arrival of Arjen Robben from PSV Eindhoven. If, as expected, Jose Mourinho takes over the managerial reins with the Londoners, he may well be prepared to do business (if only to remind Ferguson of the result in their Champions League meeting).

Another frequently linked player is Everton’s Wayne Rooney, who would certainly qualify in terms of the calibre that United are looking for. The Toffees will obviously be reluctant sellers, but the finances at Goodison Park might necessitate that they cash-in on their most saleable asset. Rooney alongside Louis Saha certainly has plenty of potential as a strike pairing.

This could be a summer of big money deals around Europe, with the likes of Chelsea, Real Madrid and Inter Milan all looking to augment their squads in the coming months. This will inevitably drive prices up for the top players, although it could also lead to a number of others becoming available as a consequence. For Manchester United to re-assert themselves as a leading club, an influx of at least three big names is required in the close season. For all the movement elsewhere over the summer, the comings and goings at Old Trafford will be more significant than most.

David Hulott
09/05/2004

769: NON-LEAGUE: Radical changes im

by : James Prentice

This summer, non-League football in England will undergo what are arguably some of the largest and most dramatic changes the Pyramid has ever seen.

Up until recently, three parallel divisions – the Unibond (Northern) league, the Dr Martens (Southern) league and the Ryman (Isthmian) league – fed directly into the Football Conference, the winner of each claiming a place amongst the non-League’s elite. However, in 2003 the FA revealed plans for major reconstruction with the introduction of two new divisions that would sit below the Conference – the Conference North and Conference South - which would change the face of the non-League for ever.

Last summer, supporters of Pyramid clubs were still nursing sunburn when returning bleary-eyed for the start of a new season when they were hit with the news of the FA’s revolutionary plans to bring their game into the 21st Century. This sparked audible confusion and concern amongst many: how far up the current division would clubs have to finish to take part in the new leagues? What would happen to the current leagues? What about clubs that finish bottom of the division – will they still be relegated? If so, where will they be relegated to? How will the new leagues affect the present ground-grading criteria?

The mooted changes were soon passed and were timetabled to take effect for the start of the 2004/05 season, but it became clear that the FA had not quite thought the entire process through when almost everyone began to draw a different conclusion as to exactly how the changes would affect their clubs. Added to the ambiguity of the situation was that the modifications would affect all three feeder leagues differently, and that some clubs, despite winning their respective divisions, may not even be promoted.

Under the changes, the winners of the Unibond League, for example, would be promoted to the Conference, and clubs finishing between places 2 and 13 would be invited to take a place in the Conference North, subject to meeting stadia, and certain other, criteria. The bottom three clubs would be relegated to a ‘new’ Northern Premier League, and the remaining seven clubs would battle it out with the champions of the Unibond Division One in a play-off system for one place in the Conference North.

Those arrangements were to be similarly implemented in the Dr Martens and Ryman leagues, though the ongoing dispute between the two set-ups and the fact that a new boundary had to be drawn to dictate whether a qualifying club would line-up in the Conference North or South did not help.

The majority of clubs have already finished their campaigns and are waiting with baited breath for the blueprint to become a reality in August, in time for the new season.

Some of the proposals had originally sparked outrage amongst league and club chairmen alike, and as the changes still appear to be unfair to a lot of sides, it is hard to argue with them. The Unibond League’s play-offs seemed to appeal to their audiences, though Hyde United can feel aggrieved after going out in the first round against Ashton United - just three days after winning the First Division in spectacular fashion. Similarly, the three clubs below them - Matlock Town, Farsley Celtic and Lincoln United - did not even get the chance of competing for promotion through their own set of play-offs, as would have happened under the old rules.

The upside of the metamorphosis of the non-League is that some clubs will be taking on others that played at a higher level the previous season, even though they may only have finished in a mid-table position.

The arguments between the Unibond, Dr Martens and the Ryman and the FA have spread below them into leagues at county level. The disarray has meant that as decisions about promotion, demotion and which clubs do and do not meet certain ground criteria have yet to be made, the make-up of some of the new divisions is not yet known. This means that although their seasons may have come to an end, many clubs do not know which division they will be playing in come August. It has even come to light that some clubs further down the Pyramid may not be offered promotion in favour of keeping relegated clubs in the league they currently play in.

The silence from the FA has been deafening, the confusion overpowering. However, most supporters are just hoping that the new season will be like Holland’s 2000 European Championship campaign: chaos right up until the first whistle, but everyone’s quite sure it’ll all be okay in the end.

James Prentice
07/05/2004

770: PREMIERSHIP: Rio and Ruud will

by : Chris Sherrard

Speculation, as it often does at this time of the year, has mounted around Manchester United’s current and prospective playing staff. Rumours have been rife of late that Sir Alex is set to dispense with his team’s figure-head and goal-machine, Ruud Van Nistelrooy. No Chance.

Real Madrid, Chelsea and whoever else has been eyeing up the Dutchman need cast their gaze elsewhere because the former-PSV Eindhoven striker will be staying with the fallen champions of England for the foreseeable future. Fergie may have made a handful of blunders recently but he will depart from Old Trafford before his star centre-forward.

This has, clearly, not been United’s best season since the inception of the Premiership. They have raised the standard so high that its got beyond even themselves this season. That has led to whispers that the manager could be forced to let Van Nistelrooy go. There is even talk that he could be followed out by Roy Keane and Rio Ferdinand. The thought of Manchester United releasing that spine from their team is laughable. If United sold Ruud and Rio, in particular, they could kiss goodbye to the notion that they will bounce back in Arsenal’s face next season.

There is no smoke without fire, of course, and Ferguson made the same comments and gestures this time last season about Beckham staying but it would be pure suicide if they allowed Van Nistelrooy to head in the direction of Madrid’s Bernabeu. Looking at the facts in the cold light of day, it’s not as if he has had a disastrous season. 30 goals in all competitions is only deemed a disappointment by the incredibly high standard he’s set since coming to this country.

What is certain is that Van Nistelrooy with better service and support would easily have surpassed his totals of previous campaigns. To hit that number of goals in a team which has failed to shine is still impressive, no matter what anybody says. Last season in all competitions, including internationals, he bagged 47 goals. That is phenomenal in this modern age of football. No-one could match that, not even himself. He has badly missed the supply line which Beckham provided. So often in the previous seasons, the two combined to deadly effect so of course by taking the England skipper out of the equation and not replacing him with a similar player has curtailed the threat which the Dutchman poses.

But he remains, along with Henry, one of the top two strikers in the Premiership. He will go to the European Championships as the star man for one of the favourites for the competition. He will score goals in Portugal, of that I have no doubt. In fact, no matter where he is and no matter who he is playing for, Ruud Van Nistelrooy will always score goals. And that’s why Manchester United must keep him.

For their part, though, United and the player himself have responded each time rumours of his exit are circulated with emphatic and believable denials. That’s something they might have to do more of with regards to Rio Ferdinand over the next couple of months.

Chelsea are after at least one more centre-half to replace the ailing Desailly. Ferdinand is a Londoner so naturally the press will tell whoever will listen that he is eager for a move closer to his family and Abramovich is happy to help. That, too, is ludicrous. Rio Ferdinand has a long and potentially distinguished career ahead of him in Manchester. He will succeed Roy Keane as captain of the club and in doing so will establish himself as an intregal part in the regeneration at Old Trafford.

Like with Van Nistelrooy, to sell Ferdinand would be foolishly unlikely. They know they have a player of great ability, one who could yet go on to become the best defender in world football to match his price tag. His performances prior to taking his seat in the stands were of the highest standard – you only have to look at how the defensive unit has struggled in his absence to see how vital he is to the club.

Talk of Ferdinand and Van Nistelrooy moving to pastures new will fill more than a handful of column inches between now and next season. But by the start of the new campaign, both will still be Manchester United players, both will be eager to prove something from this season and both will demonstrate their worth to their club and the Premiership.

Chris Sherrard
09/05/2004

765: PREMIERSHIP: Could Everton be

by : David Hulott

With most of the big issues for this season already settled in the Premiership, the temptation to look ahead to 2004-05 is a difficult one to resist. With a summer of transfer activity looming large, it is of course a tad risky to speculate this far ahead, but certain things can be taken pretty much for granted – Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United will again be the main title contenders, the promoted teams will all struggle to beat the drop and Liverpool and Tottenham fans will spend an unhealthy amount of time whining down the phone lines on Radio Five Live’s 606.

It’s a season in which I can also see Everton struggling to keep their heads above the relegation trapdoor. Many have said that the Toffees have under-performed this term, although my feeling has always been that they played above themselves last season, when they finished a highly creditable 7th in the table, having been in contention for a Champions League place for much of the time.

Much of last season’s success can be put down to the impact of Wayne Rooney, along with the change in manager from Walter Smith to David Moyes. It’s been somewhat telling that the most impressive performer for Everton this season is widely agreed to have been 37-year old keeper Nigel Martyn, signed from Leeds United in the summer as back-up for Richard Wright for a nominal fee.

A big problem for Moyes next term will be that Martyn is far from the only player at the club over 30-years of age, with Duncan Ferguson, Tomasz Radzinski, Kevin Campbell, Paul Gerrard, Alex Nyarko, Lee Carsley, Alan Stubbs, David Weir, David Unsworth and Steve Watson all coming towards the latter stages of their careers. It’s all very well having a few experienced faces, but Goodison Park is beginning to become an attractive sponsorship option for Saga.

There are a number of players set to leave the club at the end of the season, with Scot Gemmill, Steve Simonsen, Peter Clarke and Steve Schumacher all out of contract, while neither Radzinski nor Unsworth has yet to put their signatures to new deals, which could see both leaving Goodison Park in the summer.

Radzinski would at least bring in a bit of cash were he to depart, which is something that Moyes desperately needs in order to strengthen what is a very mediocre squad. Moyes has apparently already been to the board with a list of transfer targets, only to be told that there is little or no money available. If the finances are really that tight, it only strengthens the belief that Rooney will go sooner rather than later.

There are plenty of areas that need strengthening in the team, with the midfield looking particularly short of quality (especially if Thomas Gravesen is prised away after Euro 2004), while a strike partner for Rooney must also be high on Moyes’ wish list. Francis Jeffers, who returned to the club on a season-long loan from Arsenal, has done nothing to warrant the club shelling out any of the £10 million that Arsene Wenger paid for him in 2001 on bringing him back home, so they’ll have to look elsewhere.

It could also be a telling factor that there are unlikely to be any clubs like Leeds United or Leicester City in next season’s Premiership, where money worries meant that summer recruitment was largely restricted to Bosman deals and loan signings. It would also appear that newly promoted Norwich City and West Bromwich Albion both have reasonable survival hopes, so the chances of a so-called big name going down look fairly high.

Unless Moyes can somehow get his hands on a few million pound from the board, Everton are already looking like prime candidates for the drop in my book.

David Hulott
06/05/2004

768: PREMIERSHIP: Who's going where

by : David Hulott

There was something worryingly predictable about the way in which Leeds United appointed an agent, Phillip Morrison, to sell off their few remaining star names before the club had been even been officially condemned to the drop. A new regime may be in control at Elland Road, but old habits and all that.

Now with the Nationwide league beckoning, Morrison is busily hawking the players round to all and sundry in a bid to get the £38 million annual wage bill down to a more sustainable level, bring in some much needed money and earn himself a fair few quid in commission along the way.

Alan Smith is the one player for whom Leeds might be able to have something approaching an auction for, although it has to be said that he seems, rightly so, to be determined to go to the club of his choosing, not that of the Leeds’ board of directors. Those supposedly eager to the signature of the sometime England striker include Manchester United (as a committed Leeds’ supporter, there really would seem very little chance of Smith re-locating to Old Trafford), Newcastle United, Liverpool, Birmingham City, Middlesbrough, Valencia and Inter Milan. If the bookies are to be believed (which in this case, I do), Newcastle look to be the favourites at this stage. The club have valued Smith at £10 million, although they might have to make do with a couple of million less than that.

Smith’s strike partner Mark Viduka is another set to depart, although given that he has cost Leeds somewhere in the region of £3.5 million per year in wages, his loss will be less mourned than that of his fellow front man, especially given his perceived attitude problems and the two red cards in recent weeks that did little to help the team’s cause. It will be interesting to see how much Leeds will be able to bring in for Viduka, given that there is unlikely to be a particularly lengthy queue willing to offer the £65,000 per week that he reputedly picks up at Elland Road. Again, Manchester United have been linked with a move for Viduka, while clubs in Italy and Spain are also rumoured to be interested. That said, there is talk that a deal has already been all but done with Middlesbrough for a deal for somewhere in the region of £4 million.

The last of the so-called “crown jewels” to depart this summer will be Paul Robinson. A deal was all but done in the January transfer window with Tottenham Hotspur and it’s tempting to believe that an agreement between the two clubs with regards to a summer move may have been cobbled together then. There may be a different set of directors at Elland Road now, but the need for cash is just as great as it was then, as is Tottenham’s need for a successor to Kasey Keller. Somewhere between £2-3 million is likely to see Robinson on his way.

Another player who will almost certainly be playing elsewhere next term is Danny Mills, with a permanent move to Middlesbrough having long seemingly been on the cards. The rumour mill has it that Leeds may even allow the England right-back at World Cup 2002 to go on a “free” in a bid to get him off the pay-roll. If nothing materialises there, Birmingham City could step in.

The salary factor is sure to come into play with a number of other players that the club are desperately looking to offload. Seth Johnson, rumoured to be on £38,000 per week, isn’t going to be easy to sell – even less so given that he is probably out of action for the rest of the year with damaged cruciate knee ligaments. Similarly, Eirik Bakke has had an injury-plagued season and may well be starting the new campaign as a Leeds player. It would also seem doubtful whether Nick Barmby’s agent will need to re-schedule any summer holidays he may have booked, with the former England man’s departure being one of several that is likely to depend on Leeds being prepared to continue paying a hefty percentage of his salary at his new club (as has become a regular occurrence in the last couple of years).

Gary Kelly has been at the club longer than any other player, but could allegedly soon be heading for Celtic. There is unlikely to be much cash winging its way to Yorkshire in return though. Left-back Ian Harte is another who will be available for just a few hundred thousand pounds, although whether any club would deem a defender with no pace or positional sense worthy of spending anything on appears unlikely.

Remarkably it appears that Wolverhampton Wanderers might be prepared to spend £1 million on Michael Duberry. Although Doobs has his moments at the back, he is also prone to glaring errors. That said, Dave Jones did shell out £2 million on Carl Cort, so anything is possible.

David Batty, Michael Bridges and Jason Wilcox are all out of contract at the end of the season, saving about £3 million per year in wages, but veteran Lucas Radebe is likely to stay on for another year. There could be some interest in captain Dominic Matteo, although he is another who may be retained for the experience that he can bring to what seems sure to be a very youthful squad next term.

The club have promised that James Milner will be staying, although there are already stories doing the rounds that a bid of £6 million will be enough to tempt the board to do business. If such an offer materialises, I would be surprised if much resistance is put up, even though he doesn’t take home the sort of pay packet that has caused so many of the current problems.

So, Smith, Viduka, Robinson and Mills look the most likely to go, with perhaps Kelly and Duberry also heading off. With those out of contract taken into account, the annual saving in terms of wages would be something in the region of about £13 million, with perhaps £15 million coming in through transfer fees. Should be a nice little earner for Mr. Morrison too.

David Hulott
06/05/2004

766: PREMIERSHIP: The men in and ou

by : Chris Sherrard

With Claudio Ranieri as likely as can be to be packing his phrasebook and leaving Stamford Bridge at this season’s end of play, it promises to be a summer of many new faces down the King’s Road. Both on the field, and off it.

Filling the Italian’s swing-chair will probably be Porto manager Jose Mourinho. Everything is pointing to him at this moment in time but a few other candidates still abound and should not be ruled out. I’m talking about Hitzfeld, Capello, Deschamps, Lippi and even Sven Goran Eriksson (well, contracts don’t mean very much these days, do they?).

Should the Portu-geezer get the job, his first task will be to strip down Chelsea’s current squad and replace the players he’s not keen on with those more in keeping with his style of play.

So, on their way out of Stamford Bridge, I can see a number of players who have failed to impress this season. They will surely be led by Juan Sebastien Veron who will take his troubles and strife back to the fair land of Italy where his reputation for brilliance has, mysteriously, not been affected by a largely dormant spell in English football. Also on his way to the boot-shaped country will be Adrian Mutu – a man who looked like the real deal when he first arrived on these shores but has since looked distinctly unimpressive.

Other notable departures will surely include Manu Petit (probably to a lower-ranked English club), Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (to Celtic on loan, apparently), Marcel Desailly (to the cash-machine that is football in the Middle-East), Geremi (back to Spain), Bogarde (to Holland) and Mario Stanic (is anyone bothered?).

But that might not be all of the leavers. For the arrival of a new manager will cast almost everyone else under renewed scrutiny. How they deal with it will determine whether they have a future with the London club. Already under extra pressure, due to intended arrivals, are Carlo Cudcini, Jesper Gronkjaer and Joe Cole.

The prospect of Abramovich’s open cheque-book will have most football managers salivating like Des Lynam at a beauty pageant. Chelsea’s new manager will effectively be playing ‘fantasy football’ for real.

Already on their way are Dutch winger, Arjen Robben, and Czech international goalkeeper, Petr Cech. They will not be the only newcomers. You can put your house, garage and dog kennel on that. This summer will see David Beckham return to this country and in the blue of Chelsea. With his pop-star(?) wife clearly holding all the bargaining tools in their relationship, Becks will be dragged back home and his only feasible option will be Stamford Bridge. Partnering him on the flight from Madrid to Heathrow could be larger than life Ronaldo and even Luis Figo. I think the Brazilian will join the ‘new’ Chelsea and provide the spearhead of their attack.

Other certain new signings will include Argentine defender, Walter Samuel, from Roma, and, if Mourinho is in charge, Brazilian-cum-Portuguese midfield schemer Deco. I can also see players like Pavel Nedved, Michel Salgado, Christian Vieri and Gennaro Gattuso making the switch to the Premiership.

Of course, a lot will depend on who the new manager is. But the one certainty is that Chelsea’s fans will have a new set of players to get behind next season. How the home-grown and English internationals already at the club fit into this is a question for the new man in charge. Abramovich should prepare himself for the cramp he is going to get signing all those big-money cheques in the months ahead. Then again, I suppose he’s used to.

Chris Sherrard
06/05/2004

764: The dangers of Chelsea's summe

by : David Hulott

With Chelsea seemingly set to embark on another summer spending spree, it’s easy to overlook the wider impact this will have throughout the rest of the Premiership. Taking aside the obvious fact that the Blues will become ever more powerful both domestically and in Europe, Roman Abramovich’s transfer policy is also likely to have a major say on a number of other issues next season.

There seems little doubt that Claudio Ranieri is destined for the chop and with Abramovich seemingly intent on recruiting a squad that would make Real Madrid's "Galacticos" look like East Stirling reserves, it seems certain that the next few months will see plenty of illustrious new faces arriving at Stamford Bridge. It will probably take several weeks for whoever (Jose Mourinho?) takes over the managerial reins just to be introduced to his new staff.

Given that the Russian tycoon is apparently determined to have a squad capable of dealing with every imaginable crisis, ranging from injury and suspension to plague and Act of God, it would seem doubtful that the new high-profile recruits will lead to any mass exodus of existing players. Instead it seems likely that there will be a significant number of loan deals, with many star names forced to find temporary employment with their top-flight rivals.

The current campaign has seen a number of players deemed surplus to requirements at the Bridge make a major impact with other Premiership teams. Without the goals of Mikael Forssell, would Birmingham City have been anything other than Premiership strugglers? Middlesbrough are celebrating their first meaningful silverware in history thanks partly to the penalty from Boudewijn Zenden that turned out to be the winning goal in the Carling Cup final. And, even though their battle to beat the drop would undoubtedly have succeeded without him, Alexei Smertin has played a pivotal role in Portsmouth’s first season in the Premiership.

These are not youngsters being farmed out to lower division clubs to gain some first team experience, but seasoned professionals who are having a major bearing at the highest level of the English game. If anything, it would seem probable that there will be an increase in the number of players under contract at Stamford Bridge being rented out to Premiership rivals next season. Forssell has already signed up to stay with Birmingham City for another year, while Smertin seems set to see less action in a Chelsea shirt than David Mellor.

Come August there has to be a strong possibility that the likes of Joe Cole, Geremi, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Carlton Cole, Celestine Babayaro and Robert Huth will all be plying their trade away from West London, whilst still being on the club pay-roll. Quite what hope there is for the likes of Alexis Nicolas and Joe Keenan getting anywhere near the starting XI at Stamford Bridge must leave such players questioning their future with the club? Perhaps a couple of loan deals with the newly promoted clubs could be arranged?

It's difficult to argue against any club that opts to use the loan system to strengthen its hand, especially when they would have next to no hope of signing such players on a permanent basis. However, there is something slightly disturbing about the very real possibility that, this time next year, Chelsea players could be having a significant influence on the fate of several other clubs.

In addition, should they decide to enforce the clause whereby players they loan out are prevented from appearing against the Blues, they could have a significant advantage over their fellow title contenders over the course of the season. This is a loophole that the Premiership should really look at closing.

David Hulott
05/05/2004

762: PREMIERSHIP: Rio Ferdinand pro

by : Antony Melvin

There are covetous glances being made at the stands at most Manchester United games (not to mention the occasional West Ham match). That is because Rio Ferdinand is not playing. His ban may be due to his own stupidity – but he has been badly missed by Man United and his absence is certain to cost England dearly.

His impact on the Manchester United defence is clear. Whilst he was at Leeds United his influence on the defence was so important that Leeds conceded 43 goals in 2000/1 and only 37 goals in 2001/2.

He left in the summer of 2002 for Manchester United and although some other players left that season they were mostly confined to the January transfer window – which tellingly included the sale of Woodgate to Newcastle. Leeds conceded 57 goals in the season after Ferdinand left and this season they have the worst defensive record in the top division shipping 75 goals already.

If the Leeds defence has rocked once its rock was removed, the Manchester United defence was threatening to launch another period of domination. After conceding the title and 45 goals in 2001/2 (8 goals more than Leeds) Manchester United paid what they had to to land Ferdinand. The final fee was believed to be £29.1m including agents fees. It was an all-eggs-in-one-basket approach or in Madrid parlance a Galactico purchase.

In his first season Ferdinand’s defence laid the foundation for a stunning series of wins and saw Manchester United regain the title, conceding only 34 goals – 11 fewer goals than the season before. This season Manchester United were top and had conceded only 15 goals in 21 games before his ban started, which if continued would have seen United concede only 27 goals – conceivably low enough to deny the rampant Arsenal team the title. Following his ban United have fallen away and conceded almost 20 points to Arsenal.

There are other great defenders in the Premiership but they do not have the impact of Ferdinand. Look at Sol Campbell - the next best English defender. He left Tottenham Hotspur in acrimonious circumstances in 2001 after Spurs had conceded 49 goals, the following season Spurs shipped 53 goals which is not a significant increase. Arsenal in 2000/1 conceded 38 goals and following Campbell’s move improved this slightly to 36. So Campbell had an impact but not nearly as significant as Ferdinands.

But has Ferdinand now played his last game for the club? There have been consistent rumours that Chelsea want to take him back to London, although their repeated knock-backs may have taken them to look at the Roma centre-half Walter Samuel. More likely is that Real Madrid will finally want a Galactico in defence and if they can persuade Chelsea to spend heavily on Ronaldo and/or Beckham then they will make a concerted effort to sign Ferdinand.

If Ferdinand stays in Manchester it is clear his return will galvanise the defence and lay the foundation for a proper title challenge. Chelsea have their millions, Arsenal have Henry – but next years title will hinge on the form and return of the worlds costliest defender.

Antony Melvin
05/05/2004

767: PREMIERSHIP: Ranieri should ke

by : Chris Sherrard

When the dust has settled and the tears have dried, Chelsea fans can look back on this season as an extremely successful one. But not many teams who have reached the semi-final of the Champions League and almost guaranteed second spot in the Premiership would be so certain to dispense with their manager. Poor Claudio Ranieri.

The Italian has obviously been aided in his pursuit of glory for the King’s Road by Roman’s millions but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t played his part in leapfrogging Manchester United and raising supporter expectations.

Of course, he has blundered on a couple of occasions this season and, at times, they have been costly. But getting rid of their manager could severely set Chelsea back rather than propel them to the title. For all Ranieri’s tinkering faults, he has a plan and has brought in a certain type of player. He has attempted to mould them and produce a team spirit, a family club even.

By bringing in a new manager, Chelsea will effectively be starting from scratch. The new manager, be it Mourinho or whoever, will take to some of the current Stamford Bridge playing staff and ‘not fancy’ a good few of the others. It’s only natural. Different managers have different philosophies and ideas on what kind of players he likes. Ranieri, slowly by surely, has got his squad together and a full pre-season as one would have been perfect for them to blend further.

Now, players like John Terry, Frank Lampard, Damien Duff and even Cole, Parker and Makelele will have to prove themselves all over again. Their futures again in the balance. Chelsea will never be able to win anything if they are constantly chopping and changing their squad. Even if they bring in the best players in the world this summer, they will still only be eleven individuals rather than a team.

I’m not backing Claudio Ranieri because of his lovable post-match persona, or his befuddled grasp of the English language. Nor is it because I think he is being hard done by. It is because for Chelsea to survive they need stability. Their current manager took them from fourth to second in the league in one season, and from nowhere to the last four in Europe. Who is to say, under his guidance, that they couldn’t continue that rise and top the table and claim the Champions League next season?

He is certainly owed an improvement from a few of the players he signed this season. The likes of Crespo, Mutu, Veron, Geremi and Gronkjaer would, or should, have been all eager and raring to put right their poor seasons and repay the faith their manager has shown. He could also have expected better luck with injuries to Damien Duff and form from Marcel Desailly.

Ranieri, despite his image, is not a stupid man. He has long known his time in the Stamford Bridge hotseat was numbered. But with a little more time, patience and support from the Chelsea powers that be, he could have made the club a genuine world force on the pitch, as well as off it.

If Roman Abramovich had any sense when it came to football matters he would know that nothing beats continuity in the beautiful game. It’s hard to see what more Chelsea and Ranieri could have done this season, except, of course, triumph in Gelsenkirchen later this month. It seems the Russians were set on changing their manager, regardless of this season’s performance.

But, as most pundits remarked at the start of the season, it takes time for such a vast number of new players to ‘bed-in’. The progress they have made so far has been exceptional. Chelsea fans will be hoping that they aren’t slipping back to square one by ridding themselves of Ranieri. The signs suggest otherwise.

Chris Sherrard
06/05/2004