Harry Flatcap

Monday, 14 August 2006

3495: Harry Flatcap and his part in

by : Steve Heald Hello, good afternoon, and welcome! A blast from the past here. Those of you who are long-term readers of this esteemed website will remember me, Harry Flatcap, veteran football manager with a portfolio as long as your average Labour minister. It’s been a while since I updated y...

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Sunday, 19 September 2004

1055: HARRY FLATCAP: An interview wi

by : Steve Heald Since his disappointing and bitter experiences on “I’m a football manager get me out of here” nothing has been heard from footballing legend Harry Flatcap. Indeed his disappearance has caused a great deal of worry within SquareFootball towers. Especially as he owes the editor mon...

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Sunday, 25 April 2004

744: Harry Flatcap - My life #2

by : Steve Heald Martin: I’m not sure if he’s hungry for the fight or just plain hungry. It looks like he’s trying to get a takeaway! Sturrock is in the ring flicking through the Yellow Pages frantically searching for a fast food outlet. Andy: He better channel that hunger to his fists or Fergie wi...

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Sunday, 18 April 2004

731: Harry Flatcap - My life

by : Steve Heald Cashing in on his recent appearance on I’M A FOOTBALL MANAGER GET ME OUT OF HERE, SquareFootball’s very own inside track on the world of football management Harry Flatcap has decided to compose his memoirs. Unfortunately Harry’s dream of winning in the jungle, and the endless roun...

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Sunday, 28 March 2004

689: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald Hello and welcome to the final reckoning! Yes, it was decision time today as the viewers went to the polls to vote the winner of I’M A FOOTBALL MANAGER GET ME OUT OF HERE, the reality TV game show involving men who contain the line “take each game as it comes” at least once in eve...

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Sunday, 21 March 2004

685: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald Hello and welcome to the latest exclusive news of the hottest reality game show that involves men whose duties involve ensuring members of their staff are safely tucked up in bed at a reasonable hour when staying in hotels. Yes, welcome to the penultimate week of I’M A FOOTBALL MA...

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Sunday, 14 March 2004

674: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald The crowd become more vociferous after this early scare, with the Midlands fans paying homage to one of their finest bands of all time, Duran Duran. To the tune of their hit song 'Rio' they sing; "Oh Rio, Rio couldn't play cos he was banned" "Oh Rio, Rio still picked up his fi...

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Sunday, 07 March 2004

662: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald Hello and welcome to week 4 of I’m a football manager get me out of here with chief contestant and the man with the behind the scenes gossip Harry Flatcap. Remember SquareFootball is your exclusive website for all the news and views relating to the hottest reality TV show featurin...

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Sunday, 29 February 2004

643: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald We all coughed and looked down at our steaming mugs of alligator urine. Back at HQ the production team have been a little worried that Gerards eviction perhaps wasn’t down to what was being viewed on the TV…though I was glad to see the miserable bugger out of the way. And yes, yo...

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Sunday, 22 February 2004

642: Harry Flatcap and I'm a footba

by : Steve Heald Hello viewers! Harry Flatcap here, with the news and behind the scenes gossip on the hottest football related reality TV show on the planet! I’M A FOOTBALL MANAGER GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! It was a sad day today as we bid farewell to our first unlucky contestant. Gerard Houllier re...

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Sunday, 15 February 2004

618: Harry Flatcap hosts I'm a foot

by : Steve Heald Hello to you SquareFootball readers, the official website covering the media event everyone’s talking about: I’M A FOOTBALL MANAGER GET ME OUT OF HERE! As a well-known face in SquareFootball-land I’ve been signed up by the editor to bring you the inside low-down of the news, event...

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Sunday, 18 January 2004

528: Harry Flatcap and the cult of

by : Steve Heald Hello! It’s good to be back in Blighty…I think…Harold Flatcap here back in the UK and catching up on the lost days of my life. I don’t know how long I was under the clutches of the evil cult, worshipping at the altar of Uncle Sepp every day. Time had no meaning in our collectiv...

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Sunday, 18 May 2003

273 Harry Flatcap ends the season

An end of season farewell for Harry. Hello and welcome to the last edition of this season of the managers notes from me Harry Flatcap. It’s probably just as well this is my last edition for a while as I’m currently out on bail facing charges arising from a couple of incidents at City’s last ever g...

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Sunday, 11 May 2003

270 Harry Flatcap and his part in

As Harry and City wind down the season, Nic Anelka's change of attitude is explained. Good afternoon, and welcome to the penultimate Harry Flatcap column of the season. Well what a win! The City fans are still celebrating the magnificent 2-1 victory over Liverpool which maintained our Premiership...

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Sunday, 04 May 2003

265 Harry Flatcap sacks Posh Spice

Harry lets City slide towards relegation but at least managers to get rid of Posh Spice. Good afternoon from Maine Road, home, but not for much longer, of Manchester City, and me, Harry Flatcap. It's not been a good week to be a City fan. Following on from our 1-0 defeat against West Ham we're st...

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Sunday, 27 April 2003

256 Harry Flatcap oversees a colla

Late goals undermine Harry's new job at Manchester City - or do they? Good afternoon and welcome to another instalment in the exciting world of Harry Flatcap and Manchester City. It certainly hasn't been a vintage week for results if you are a City fan: On good Friday we turned in a half-good perf...

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Sunday, 20 April 2003

248 Harry Flatcap tries to make Ma

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to the latest Harry update. My first game back in charge of City yielded an undescribingly boring 0-0 scoreline against Middlesbrough, and there were many aspects of the day that disappointed me. Firstly I had to endure the kind of crowd abuse that I usually only...

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Sunday, 13 April 2003

243 Harry Flatcap and the inevitab

Hello and welcome to Harrys latest column, and it comes from a place I believe is my spiritual home. Yes, once again, Harry Flatcap is the manager of Manchester City! It was a dramatic turnaround that brought me back to Maine Road, a place I managed at with success in the mid-nineties (comparativ...

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Sunday, 06 April 2003

240 Harry Flatcap and the LMA sieg

Good afternoon and welcome to week 3 of the football manager siege taking place at the League Managers Association shelter for football managers who will never work again. As stated in last weeks update, I had a cunning plan, and I had to put it to action. It started off with me asking the boys to...

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Sunday, 30 March 2003

234 Harry Flatcap and the LMA sieg

Hello, you join me in a tense atmosphere in the League Managers Association hostel where the siege has entered its second week. I’ve snuck off to type and e-mail this over to you readers at Squarefootball, but should I get caught doing this no doubt my safety would be in jeopardy. Hopefully tho...

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Sunday, 23 March 2003

231 Harry Flatcap and the LMA Host

Hello and welcome to the League Managers Association refuge for the out of work managers that society forgot. World events have rather overshadowed what has been happening here over the last week, otherwise I feel we would be front page news on all the papers and the main talking point on the radio...

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Sunday, 16 March 2003

228 Harry Flatcap reads Brian Clou

Cold, wet, and hungry for a bit of work dissecting the FA Cup games at the weekend, finally I made my way back to the one place I can call home this week – The League Managers Association refuge for battered and bewildered out of work managers. Yes, hello there, you join me as I take my place in...

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Sunday, 09 March 2003

220 Harry Flatcap on the run

Hello there, and welcome back to the world of Harry Flatcap. Yes, I’ve dumped the Peter Hetherstone impersonation and hot-footed it away from Albion Rovers because, to be quite honest, it was a bit of a nightmare. Once again I’m sitting in Starbucks Cumbernauld writing this. The beard, the s...

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Sunday, 02 March 2003

218 Harry Flatcap and Peter Hether

3-10 at home to mid-table draw specialists, NAC Breda, both look pretty safe bets. The same can be said for the Belgian league, with clear leaders Club Brugge (3-20) and Anderlecht (3-20) both looking near certainties for victories at home to Antwerp and relegation-threatened Charleroi respectivel...

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Sunday, 23 February 2003

212 Harry Flatcap, the one from St

Hello! Have to type this quickly. Harry Flatcap here from Strarbucks Coffee Shop, Cumbernauld. I’m on one of their computers, accessing the internet, and it’s costing me by the minute so I’ll make it a quick one this week if you don’t mind. After losing my job last week and being forcibly evi...

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Sunday, 16 February 2003

209 Harry Flatcap is sacked after

Brannan or Jamie Pollock or other midfielders we’ve suffered in the not too distant past. Maybe he felt that he also has something to prove within the club because just one game after his virtuoso Watford debut he was sidelined for a long time with injury. Whilst Berkovic was missing Keegan draft...

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Sunday, 09 February 2003

205 Harry Flatcap sells his crown

It’s been an interesting week here at Ross County which is just as well, because I’ve learnt that the Scottish Division 1 is just about the dullest league I’ve ever been involved in. The week started out promisingly, as I targeted the man I wanted to lead our attack and give us the goals we need...

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Sunday, 02 February 2003

200 Harry Flatcap and the cup gian

ies agent wandering around Dingwall with a couple of heavies, one of them looking suspiciously like Vinnie Jones. If you know where Frankie is please tell him to make contact with us – thanks! OK, you want to hear about the transfer gossip. And let’s face it, after 5 months without any, we’re...

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Sunday, 26 January 2003

199 Harry Flatcap and the Bozzy bl

Hello and welcome from the land that time forgot! At least that’s how it feels after attempting to bring new players in during the hectic transfer window. More about that later, but good afternoon from Victoria Park, the home of homely Ross County (well three quarters of it is, we still need to...

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Sunday, 19 January 2003

190 Harry Flatcap is the new manag

ong term, then Keegan will continue to entice top quality players to the club. Motivating the players into a footballing force should keep the money flying in Kevins direction. The opposite scenario is a bleak one for all City fans. The sky may be grey, outside may be miserable, but for Harry Fla...

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Sunday, 12 January 2003

186 Harry Flatcap and the 6-0-6 de

Greetings to all followers of my weekly column. Harry Flatcap here with the latest weekly instalment to my rollercoaster of a season. Whilst being awarded with a gold disc for my song ‘Do they know it’s Christmas’ was a boost, it just doesn’t compare to the day to day managing of a football cl...

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Sunday, 05 January 2003

182 Harry Flatcap has a number one

The pressures of office, the non-stop glare of publicity, the relentless drive for success at all costs. Just some of the everyday events that top managers have to deal with. In another privileged peek into the day to day life of an elite manager we find Harry Flatcap in a reflective mood. (the ...

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Sunday, 29 December 2002

177 Harry Flatcap's review of the

A merry Christmas form Harry Flatcap! I'm so happy you found the opportunity amongst your festivities to keep up to date with my column. I'll let you into a little secret though. Football managers are incessant drinkers and spend the whole of the Christmas period absolutely bladdered. That's wh...

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Sunday, 22 December 2002

175 Harry Flatcap and the unlikely

Hello, and a very Christmassy welcome to the world of Harry Flatcap. I hope you are full of festive cheer. If so, why not buy my single, available now in all good record shops. Somebody should, because the proceeds go to a good cause. If you don't rush out and buy "Do They Know It's Christmas" b...

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Sunday, 15 December 2002

173 Harry Flatcap, does he know it

Hello, good afternoon, and thank you for reading the latest procrastinations from the manager of Liverpool FC, Harry Flatcap. It hasn’t been a good week. It appears that all and sundry were offended by my column last week, when I stated I would be bigger than John Lennon once I win the league t...

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Sunday, 08 December 2002

171 Harry Flatcap is bigger than J

Hello again, and welcome to the lofty heights of 1st place in the Premiership. I write this (Monday 2nd December) with a slightly groggy head as we celebrated our victory over the old enemy Man United yesterday. Sure, things did look decidedly iffy for a good few minutes after our goaly Jerzy Du...

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Sunday, 01 December 2002

165 Harry Flatcap plays mind games

(please note Harry wrote this weeks column prior to the European tie and before the Man United fixture) Good afternoon and welcome to the wonderful world of Harry Flatcap. Indeed things seem to be getting better all the time after another late-late win down at Loftus Rd. Tragically, in the word...

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Sunday, 24 November 2002

160 Harry Flatcap in international

Hello Flatcap followers! Greetings from the dizzy heights of the league leaders Liverpool! Our 1-0 success over Sunderland helped us to maintain top spot in the Premiership. Sure, it wasn’t pretty. Spoiling tactics, timewasting, defensive displays. Men behind the ball, tough challenges, and ...

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Sunday, 17 November 2002

158 Harry Flatcap and the faulty B

As they used to say on the popular Scouse sit-com Bread – “Greetings!” Harry Flatcap here to report on my debut week in charge of Liverpool. My first game in charge was up in the Far East against Middlesbrough. They have an excellent young manager, Malcolm McClaren, who has a fine record in de...

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Sunday, 10 November 2002

156 Harry Flatcap is manager of Li

Well it has certainly been a dramatic week in the life of Harry Flatcap. Who would have thought it, me, manager of Liverpool?!? The week commenced slowly enough, I was still in the League Managers Association Homeless Shelter, munching on a bowl of cocoa pops in the dining area whilst having a ...

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Sunday, 03 November 2002

153 Harry Flatcap is free

‘I’m free, to do what I want, any old time’. Indeed I am! Harry Flatcap here with the good news that I’ve been released from Florida State Penitentiary and deported back to Blighty. The US Government Officials investigating the fraud investigations perpetrated at the Florida Worldcoms soccer t...

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Sunday, 27 October 2002

150 Harry Flatcap attempts to esca

Once again my weekly column reaches you via Florida State Penitentiary, where I’m still held in respect of the financial scandal relating to the Florida Worldcoms soccer team. I’m innocent, and as soon as I have an attorney assigned to me, I’m sure I’ll be released. Things have turned full circ...

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Sunday, 20 October 2002

145 Harry Flatcap is sent to jail.

Greetings Flatcap followers. I hope this regular column finds its way onto your website on time this week as it has been dictated down a telephone line to the squarefootball.net editor. You see, I’m currently holed up in Florida State Penitentiary and when offered my standard one phone call I deci...

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Saturday, 19 October 2002

144 Harry Flatcap applies for Sund

Bob Murray Chairman Sunderland FC Stadium of Light Sunderland Tyne & Wear SR5 1SU 8th October 2002 Dear Bob I would like to formally put my name forward for the vacant managers position at Sunderland football club. You may recall Bob that we have met many times on the past. I am a well k...

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Friday, 18 October 2002

143 Harry Flatcaps CV

CURRICULUM VITAE Name: HARRY EUGENE FLATCAP Age: Young fiftyish Birthplace: Grimsby Birthdate: A cold wet Wednesday evening in January (every football managers worst nightmare!) Marital Status: Divorced Children: Eusebio Flatcap (27), Pele Flatcap(25), Maradonna Flatcap (14), Gazza Fla...

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Sunday, 13 October 2002

138 Harry Flatcap is sacked

Hello Harry Flatcap followers. I’m sad to report that it’s no longer Flatcap of Florida Worldcoms, as my contract was terminated during the week. It’s now Flatcap on unemployment benefit. The sack is no stranger to me in my life, this being the 15th chop of my career. Possibly though this one...

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Saturday, 05 October 2002

133 Harry Flatcap and the Gigi sca

second half Clementine began to sob hysterically. It’s not often you see an 18 stone Frank Bruno lookalike behave in this manner but hopefully he’ll react to the unusual science employed by Fred and become a better and stronger player for it. Sadly, with the heart of our defence suffering a nervou...

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Sunday, 29 September 2002

132 Harry Flatcap denies bribery a

Hello and welcome to the latest news from the world of the Florida Worldcoms. Harry Flatcap here with the low-down on a difficult week for all Worldcommers. The week started with an investigative enquiry from the Leagues management committee. They wanted to know what I meant exactly when I men...

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Sunday, 22 September 2002

128 Harry Flatcap and the Strangle

Hello and welcome to the latest instalment of my diary from across the pond, Harry Flatcap here reporting from Florida, where it has not been a good week for the Worldcoms. Firstly there was the disappointing 5-3 defeat against the team vying to win the regional league here with us, Boston Strangle...

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Sunday, 15 September 2002

126 Harry Flatcap signs Ronaldo

nd some new players over the web. I tried a search of 'dangerous strikers' and ended up on the official website for Arthur Scargill! I think I need more help in this area. Anyway, that's it for this week, whether we win lose, or, a bit of a difficult one for you guys this one I know but bear with i...

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