Jack Heaney

Monday, 08 October 2012

Man City and Man United fight it out for Angelo Ogbonna

If transfer window tugs of war between Manchester City and Manchester United these days are becoming one of the most fascinating aspects of football’s summer and January switcharooneys then Torino starlet Angelo Ogbonna is most certainly the latest chunk of rope. The 2011/2012 season was a ...


Thursday, 27 September 2012

Venky's Out: Why every football fan should battle alongside Blackburn's

So the vast majority squawk; it is ‘just a game’. This football stuff, it doesn’t matter really. It is meaningless in comparison to other, more sugary aspects of our life such as love, or perhaps living itself. Any website – any Facebook page. I guarantee you will stumble across that type of ...


Thursday, 30 August 2012

Arsenal: No crisis or cries if Theo Walcott flees

As every summer drifts by, a handful of Arsenal first teamers seem to join it. The likes of Cesc Fabregas, who one feels was never not going to return to Barcelona at some point, along with the now minted but seemingly universally hated Samir Nasri have all shooed themselves past the door of...


Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Manchester United's No1 shirt is De Gea's to cement

Sporting careers are often defined, perhaps inequitably so, by moments. The brevity with which moments - snippets; split-seconds; impulsive snap decisions – are wrapped within must never be underestimated. Moments of utter asinine; moments of utter genius. Moments where one succumbs to brittl...


Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Excited Or Cynical? Brace Youself, Football Is Coming Back...

From the lavish opening ceremony, to Usain Bolt’s ludicrously powerful defence of his medal, to Mo Farah’s stunningly swift double gold medal haul. Cynicism plagued the idea of a London Olympics for the seven years between its announcement and arrival, yet it dissolved so quickly. Never have wor...


Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Manchester United: Forget club colour and wish Darren Fletcher well

As every summer dawns, where the transfer window is polished and megabucks are traded around for men that are pretty good at kicking a ball, the old dichotomous paradigm resurfaces. One voice remarks that leaving stars – usually much-loved figures at the club – are misunderstood. They are merel...


Thursday, 12 July 2012

Liverpool: Patient pragmatism key for Brendan Rodgers and Liverpool

Generally, old heads rule the world. While young brains flap around the moat incessantly, the King of the castle – King because of a wit and sagaciousness only time can provide - neglects the dirty rascals until they too are of said sagacious standard. Flower children may have rocked the brightly ...


Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Why Giggs and co will make football at the Olympics worth watching

Too quick, wasn’t it? Like the best of things, the European Championships flew by so very fleetingly. They say International football is more tin canned beer than fine wine; while the latter glistens with age, the former has wilted into a kind of thin, tasteless piss water that even your local drun...


Wednesday, 04 July 2012

Spurs: Do not discard Villas-Boas based on charred Chelsea blueprint

Arriving on these shores with a bunch of pretty medals packed in his suitcase, Andres Villas-Boas was the buttery toast of the morning papers. There was almost a psycho-sexual desire emitting from some outlets to consider him Jose Mourinho, mark two. The lucrative Roman Abramovich had courted...


Tuesday, 03 July 2012

Is it really so wrong to like Cristiano Ronaldo?

If there is a more opinion dividing player than Cristiano Ronaldo – the man with the five mile thighs – then I will eat my hat with some fine wine and one of those little sticks with pineapple and cheese stuck through the middle. Arriving on these shores, swiftly slipping into the illustrious nu...


Tuesday, 26 June 2012

England: Isn't it nice to have no excuses?

Since what appears to be forever, ‘never’ has plagued the England national team. Our bordering on cruel failure to hit the net from 12 yards; our ability to royally screw ourselves over; the way we perpetuate heroes just to contradict ourselves when they do not fulfil the prophecies we cultivat...


Sunday, 24 June 2012

Euro 2012 - France: From rebellion to respite

If England fans believe the past 15 years were eventful, one only has to glance at the recently expelled French team to see that our drama pales in comparison to that of Les Bleus. For while we and our roaring Three Lions have suffered the usual heartbreak, blame game and penalty misses that alwa...


Friday, 22 June 2012

Euro 2012: Let's enjoy England with no strings attached

The England job is not necessarily a position which has strings attached … it is one big string. A bullys dream; a place where logic is traded in and all hell breaks loose. And so often have we seen these strings work their magic. Even though Sir Bobby Robson is now considered by fans and Press...


Friday, 08 June 2012

Chelsea: Why it is time to move on from Fernando Torres

If our average lifespan is 76 years and God knows how many pints of ale, then four years is a paltry coffer of time in comparison to the far more vast reaches of human living capacity. Yet convert those four years into the career of a footballer, and that chunk of time is fattened; they can be ev...


Thursday, 17 May 2012

Liverpool: King Kenny dethroned a year too late . . . now a new era must reign supreme

Never go back, it is often said. What has been is best left unmeddled. You see, people move on from the past; expectations morph; you might just find that the ropes you mastered have changed into something quite ungraspable. However, perhaps a touch of revisionism is order. Never go back: and...


Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Manchester City: Champions - but is that the easy part completed?

There are 6,912 languages and dialects in the world. Of these 6,912 languages, it is commonly known that the English language possesses the largest amount of words. Of these words, William Shakespeare invented 1,700 – or at least recorded their first use, ensuring eloquence and a free-flowing l...


Friday, 11 May 2012

Blackburn: Not just relegated, but exploited by this disease

Sometimes it’s the unchangeable things in life which are the easiest to take. The things where no prevention, warning or cunning plan could have stopped what would eventually occur.You know, there is actually a calming, accepting liberty in helplessness: you couldn’t change what occurred, so why ...


Monday, 07 May 2012

Chelsea: Time for the Blues - with Di Matteo - to become one big happy family?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. That the most complex data, notion or intricate philosophical muse - which would usually be explained with a lot of weight and attention to detail - can be explained within the stillness of one static picture. It’s a bounded about phrase; a common sayi...


Tuesday, 01 May 2012

England: A Final Adventure For ‘Bridesmaid’ Hodgson Was Irresistible…But Can He Succeed?

And so it is. After the hasty exit of Fabio Capello in February, nearly three football months have unfolded before the name of the next England manager – aside from the interim Stuart Pearce – has been revealed to the public. What the name may lack in being exciting, stimulating and forward-thin...


Spurs: Anyone want to tell ready to Bale Gareth that the clue is in the word 'we'?

Annoyances are never too greatly separated from football. They linger and latch onto that discontented football fan that exists within every single one of us. You know, that football fan. The inner demon. The one that is a hairs breadth – and a dodgy Howard Webb decision – away from blowing a ga...


Sunday, 29 April 2012

Penalty shoot outs: Why they are more than just a lottery

There was one slightly annoying comment which detracted from the all round fun on Wednesday night. A small blot on an otherwise wondrous couple of nights. A bit of a bollock twister or nipple pinch, which only evoked the widely anticipated rolling of the eyes.According to ITV, and many other broadc...


Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Chelsea: Do you think we cannot try to explain, taint or deny their wonderful night?

It’s 10 at night as I write this piece. My fingers are plunging through the rewind button, sky +’ing and reliving the utterly hilarious high pitched voice of Gary Neville as Fernando Torres smooths his shot in the bottom centre of the Barcelona goal, after rounding the outstretched arms of Vict...


Tottenham Hotspur: Are 'Arry and Spurs wheels falling off?

On February 8, 2012, if you were a religious man you might say that God smiled down from the heavens and sprinkled some magical fairy dust on the cockney rogue that is Harry Redknapp. In the afternoon, Redknapp – or ‘Arry as he is affectionately known in the London media -was acquitted from t...


Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Wigan: Is their biggest challenge this summer to retain Martinez?

Escape artists never die. At the last second, when all hope is lost and the chances are wildly stacked in their favour, somehow they defy the odds. They find intricate – and often elaborate – ways of kicking death in the teeth, pulling the Grim Reaper’s pants down and rousing the crowd with a br...


Monday, 16 April 2012

Newcatle: Should Pardew be named manager of the year?

A little piece of paradise is never too evident in Newcastle, is it? After a torridly fragmented time for Newcastle which culminated in their relegation from the top flight in the summer of 2009, manager Chris Hughton picked up the pieces and put them right back together again. He put them ba...


Thursday, 12 April 2012

Aston Villa: Has your house been burgled?

June 17, 2011. The day the laughter died. Or, for everyone disconnected with Aston Villa football club – and especially those whose allegiance lies with Birmingham – the day the laughter began. You see, it was the day a black cloud enveloped Villa Park.To tell the truth, the day the laughter die...


Monday, 09 April 2012

Did Jimi Hendrix and Bob Marley really play football together?

As football fans, in our lives rarely is there a greater spectacle than a mouth-watering Champions League semi-final between two expensively assembled sides. Rarely is there a more exciting prospect than the thought of Arsenal and Manchester City at loggerheads, with both teams in need of three ...


Wednesday, 04 April 2012

Liverpool: Is it time for Carroll and Dalglish to move on?

There isn’t much you can say that would console King Kenny and his (slightly plastic-y looking) crown at the moment. In the last 12 games, the Reds have won just twice. They are now a point below bitter rivals Everton and a whopping 11 points below the team that so thoroughly outplayed, out-th...


Monday, 02 April 2012

Manchester City: Have they brought empty stomachs to this title fight?

‘And you won’t win titles defending like that…’ – Jonathan Pearce. While I’m not always in agreement with BBC commentator Jonathan Pearce, his summation of Manchester City’s draw with a ready, roused and awakened Sunderland side was spot-on. Manchester City certainly won’t win titles by defend...


Saturday, 31 March 2012

QPR: Should Cisse Practice What He Preaches?

Aside from sporting multi-coloured haircuts that have ranged from bright yellow to lime green, the main thing you may remember when you step foot into the wonderful world of Djibril Cisse is a not-so-amusing character memory; the two horrific broken legs he has suffered. The first injury occurred ...


Monday, 26 March 2012

Blackburn and Arsenal: Should We Admit Sometimes, We Just Don't Know?

We live in a world of analysis. Every last scoop of information, every last thinning patch of hair on a pop stars head, every single pound a morally bankrupt politician swipes is carefully processed, studied, researched, accounted for and scrutinised to absurd lengths. And even if we do not know the...


Sunday, 18 March 2012

Bolton Wanderers: Fabrice Muamba and the tweets that never were

In seven or so months of writing for Square Football, I and the site have witnessed it all. We’ve seen the first hand demolition United suffered at the hands of City. We’ve seen the impetuousness of many El Clasico games. We have even seen the hilarious image of Roberto Di Matteo slipping over befo...


Friday, 16 March 2012

Manchester United: Were their recurring Euopean faults exposed by Bilbao?

There are many sights which football fans rarely see in the game they love. We rarely see managers fall over, like the hilarious Roberto Di Matteo slip in Chelsea’s win over Napoli. Even rarer is the sight of Alan Shearer on MOTD (you know, the mannequin that thinks it’s a human) giving an insig...


Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Beckham, Best, Henry or Cantona: Who were the coolest footballers to ever live?

We would all like to be footballers, right? The money, the women, the cars. Oh, and the playing of football. That’s pretty good. But some are cooler than others. Too cool, even. So cool they make everyone else look like silly, awkward, emasculated chumps. So who were the 10 coolest footballers to e...


Wednesday, 07 March 2012

Chelsea: Do the Blue 'Mafia' need to be whacked?

Oh, wasn’t it all so inevitable? Wasn’t it all so predictable? Was there ever going to be a way for the youthful Andre Villas-Boas to remain crouching on the touchline? When there is a will, there is a way. But Roman Abramovich has no will – he only stabs blindly in the dark and not only throws ...


Saturday, 03 March 2012

Arsenal: Will there be a St Totteringham's Day this season?

There is a day that is met with celebration across London. Pancake day? Christmas day? The day where Harry Redknapp wins a match and the Press clamour to gargle and coo over him and his top top tactics? Of course not. St Totteringhams Day, half in jest but half serious, is a day for one club and one...


Thursday, 01 March 2012

England: Wasn't Grant Holt at least worth a roll of the dice?

Does Grant Holt not even deserve a relatively meaningless friendly match against the Netherlands? What harm could it do when Pearce found it perfectly acceptable to call up a certain Sunderland striker who in all honesty will probably not be flying to take part in the Euro 2012 tournament? The ...


Monday, 27 February 2012

Liverpool: Has Dirk Kuyt Finally Had His Moment In The Sun?

Winning’. That one word, especially in football, implies memories of glory and wild, crazy nights of trophy-a-lofting glory. The long road to the final finally bearing its fruits with those precious moments of elation. Many players never receive these cup medals or memories. Sure, they receiv...


Saturday, 25 February 2012

Chelsea: Villas-Boas deserves time, but will Napoli decide his future?

It’s a hard life being the Chelsea manager. It’s an even harder life being a Chelsea manager when you have to deal with the inevitable crap-storm that surrounds your every move – a figurehead in that crap-storm being Roman Abramovic. Not to mention the relentless accusations of ‘player power’ a...


Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Arsenal: Is it time for Wenger to study elsewhere?

One of my pet theories about football is that there is nothing worse than seeing a once great player, manager, even pundit fall to depths that we all thought they would never be so lowly as to reach. At first it seemed like an amusing joke to me – the Gooners missing out on trophies, the Gooners cr...


Monday, 20 February 2012

Wolves: Is Bruce really the man to save them from the drop?

Right now, in line with his straight, gruff-collared image, Mick McCarthy is probably consoling himself down his local with a crisp, cold bevvy in one hand and a ton of consolers and commiserations on his shoulder. Maybe some Nobbys nuts and a thinly-veiled one-liner up his sleeve, you might expe...


Thursday, 16 February 2012

Arsenal: Did Underrated Milan Show Us The Gunners Are Still Going Backwards?

Well, wasn’t that a whitewash? As the frighteningly atmospheric San Siro pulsated with the chants of passionate Milan fans, their team appeased the obvious lust for scalps. And Arsenal’s scalps were taken. Brutally. With hard, fast and fluid play from the Italian side. I guess it would be harsh on A...


Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Manchester United and Liverpool: Time to put the Suarez/Evra debacle to bed?

With the profound apologies issued on Sunday, a can of worms that has been opened at every last opportunity must now be buried away. The FA cup third round match at Anfield was an example of said can of worms being opened. Throughout the duration of the match, Patrice Evra was booed by sections ...


Sunday, 12 February 2012

Is the Premier League really the best league in the world?

The Premier League is a carefully tuned beast. It is not only a fine example of football (and I do genuinely believe that), but it is also a mass-money producing behemoth that attracts billions of viewers around the four corners of the world. Especially since ‘the day when football began’ back ...


Wednesday, 08 February 2012

Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Newcastle or Sunderland: Who will win the battle for fourth?

The Champions League is the competition that clubs want to take part in for many reasons. The drama, the prestige, the money one receives for being involved in it. It’s such a sought-after competition and this term the race for the Champions League is even more complex than previous ones, with cer...


Wednesday, 01 February 2012

Manchester City: Who cares about Carlos Tevez?

I know this is ironic as I’m giving attention to a man I deem irrelevant, yet after reading another report on the man, that apparently he was being involved in a swap deal with Andy Carroll … well, does anyone really care about Carlos Tevez anymore? I mean, isn’t it just so boring? The whole sor...


Sunday, 29 January 2012

Manchester United: Is An Ultimatum Needed For Ferguson's Goalkeeping Crossroads?

When Manchester United drew Liverpool in the FA Cup, a tense and belligerent atmosphere was expected. It was, after all, the first time the teams had met since the racist spat between Patrice Evra and Luis Suarez. It promised to be a game of intensity, of drama, of interesting and heavy consequ...


Wednesday, 25 January 2012

El Clasico: My recipe for the perfect football feast

Woodstock 69’: love, freedom and prosperity. Wimbledon: elegance and tradition. For me, El Clasico is up there with these occasions as the greatest spectacles on earth. The two most successful sides in the history of Spanish football ripping chunks out of each other. And I love it. I love every...


Monday, 23 January 2012

Manchester City: Shouldn't Mad Mario leave his insanity off the pitch?

Look, I love Mario Balotelli. I love his rumoured connections with the Mafia, I love his spending sprees on tramps, I love the fact that he brings drama and amusement to our game when I hear about how he launched tomatoes at Serie A managers back in his days as an Inter Milan footballer. But th...


Saturday, 21 January 2012

Who would be in your Arsenal/Manchester United dream team?

This Sunday comes the clash of two titans – or at least Arsenal used to be titans – as the London side take on Manchester United. While Arsenal and Wenger in particular will be reeling from losing goals to a slick, impressive Swansea side, Manchester United will be on a roll after they compounded th...



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